I have questions related to various things that we do with computers. (Not those things. Other things. Cleaner things. Or, okay, at least two of these are about things that are almost entirely clean.) I am hoping you all have answers.

Thank you! You are awesome! Yes, you.

Twitter

About a month ago, I was sending yet another text to myself about a Fascinating Thing the Earthling Said, and it occurred to me that there was this newfangled crazy thing where I could post these things, instead of texting myself and then having to remember to copy them down when I got home. So I made a Twitter account (I am thefourthvine, for the two of you who are gripped by the idea of reading tweets about things someone else's child says), and although this is perhaps not the intended use for this thing (I hear you are supposed to follow? And also be followed? I don't know, okay? LEADERSHIP HAS ALWAYS BEEN A PROBLEM FOR ME.), I have been pleased.

But now I'm wondering - do tweets go away? Will I get to keep this handy record of things the earthling says forever? And if not, how do I do that export thing? (Worry not. I will export it to my DW, but privately, so no one ever has to see it but me. I just want to obsessively track all the adorable words that come from my child's mouth so I can re-read them in twelve years when he's telling me he hates me and I'm a fuckface. That seems like a reasonable use of my time.)

Dreamwidth

Is there any way to download a DW journal, like you can with LJ Archive? I like having offline copies, okay, just in case. I want to save all your comments on the earthling posts. I want to save the earthling posts themselves! I want to save my recs! I mean, what if the part of the country where the servers are located falls off? WHAT THEN? I will need an offline backup!

LiveJournal

Oh my GOD people I just want to read my friends list with it looking like it always has, and read fan fiction in the, you know, basic comment page no-style style, and leave comments. Do I really have to pick just two? Isn't there some way to be able to do all three without making my computer hang?

Failing that, is there some readable style I can use for my friends page that will let me read fan fiction in the basic page style and leave comments? I am willing to change! But it turns out I can't stand reading fan fiction in friends-page style, and I do want to leave comments from time to time, and I cannot figure out how to make that happen. Someone please just tell me which things to click to fix everything. Please. I'm begging you. Surely there is a ticky box marked "Make It All Better"?

Offsite Backup

I have been using Mozy as my offsite backup for years and been pleased, but they've raised their prices so that they are roughly seven times what they used to be. That is, um, fairly painful for what amounts to catastrophe insurance.

Do any of you have any offsite backup services you use and like? (I am backing up a lot of data, for the record.) I'd like to at least price some other services before I grit my teeth and pay Mozy. And my computer is getting dicey, so I'd like to have my offsite backup back.

OK Cupid

What the fuck is up with OK Cupid? See, okay, I used to like taking stupid internet quizzes, in the Days of More Time, and at some point I clicked on the thing that says "Save your test results with an OK Cupid account!" At least, that's what it said back then. I sincerely hope that these days it says, "GET SOME NOOKIE with an OK Cupid account," since turns out that is what people actually do with them.

So, I filled out my profile, whatever, blah blah blah here are some words and clicks and stuff, and only realized it was actually a dating site some time later. Which, no problem. I am not on the market, and have not been on the market since I was a teenager and "online dating" meant "flirting over IRC," but I never uploaded a photo. Everyone knows if you don't upload a photo on a dating site, you are left alone forever. Right? Those are still the rules, right?

Because I last got a message on OK Cupid in 2008. I last visited OK Cupid in - 2008, probably. Or, at least, both these things were true until about a few months ago. Now I am getting all the messages. There is no reason for it. I still don't have a photo. My profile is not wicked hot or anything; in fact, I changed it after the first spate of messages to make it less hot (surely mentioning puke is a turnoff?), and it did not help at all. I am getting a bunch of blunderbuss messages from dudes who are married and looking for a piece on the side, which - WHY? My profile clearly states that I am not looking to boff anyone (else). And in fact I will never be looking to fuck someone who promises me "thoughtful loving and tenderlovingcare," because I am physically incapable of being aroused by anyone who thinks you can just randomly remove spaces to create new and exciting words. And then I am getting what is almost worse, which are these carefully crafted messages detailed to my interests. And then, of course, there's the random trolling.

I guess I could just delete the account. It's just, I want to know why. What changed? Do people get some kind of bonus credit now for messaging ancient grouchy married people? Is there a message lottery and I won? Shouldn't I have had to enter first? If you know, for the love of god, tell me.