thefourthvine: Two people fucking, rearview: sex is the universal fandom. (Default)
Keep Hoping Machine Running ([personal profile] thefourthvine) wrote2012-08-28 08:31 am

Sixteenwins Payoff: Kidfic!

For my second sixteenwins payoff, I had to (Had to! Like it's a chore!) talk about kidfic. And, okay. I have always adored kidfic, but ever since I had a kid of my own, it's been - complicated. I still want all the characters to have all the kids, except the characters who obviously should not be permitted within fifty feet of children, but I have all these - opinions and standards and issues and shit. It's awful when reality gets in the way of your legitimate enjoyment of fan fiction.

So I guess I could have given [livejournal.com profile] quettaser a lengthy screed on my kidfic issues, but I'm trying to produce something she'll actually read all the way through. So instead: four summaries and snippets from kidfic stories I yearn to read. YEARN.

Thanks to my Flyers beta, [personal profile] paxpinnae, my Habs beta, [personal profile] katarin, and my pre-readers, [livejournal.com profile] thehoyden and Best Beloved.

Claude Giroux has a problem. Danny knows the answer.

Summary: Claude gets better.

Story snippet:

Clement wakes up every hour, all night long. Claude deals with it fine at midnight and one and two, but at three he finds himself giving Clement a speech while he heats the stupid fucking bottle. (He's now incredibly grateful that Danny made him make all these bottles before he went to bed, but he'd be even more grateful if the bottles made Clement sleep for longer than 45 minutes.)

"Why don't you just sleep?" Claude says to Clement, who is attached to the bottle and completely ignoring him. "It's not difficult. And I will be a much nicer person to be around tomorrow if you just let me sleep."

At the four o'clock waking, Claude walks into the door on the way out for another fucking bottle. "If I just concussed myself feeding you," he says to Clement, and manages to bite back the rest of the words. But he's starting to understand why Melanie had to go into the hospital. Maybe she's not, whatever, depressed, fucked up - her mother used a lot of different words, but Claude was kind of focused on the part where he was going to have to take care of this baby. Maybe she's just tired because the kid never fucking sleeps. Maybe she'll get some rest in the hospital and get better and tomorrow she'll come take Clement back.

At five, Danny comes out as Claude is standing there, eyes closed, waiting for the microwave to go off while Clement screams in his ear, and says, "I'm up." Claude doesn't even blink. He hands Clement to Danny and is back in his room and asleep before the microwave beeps.

That buys him two and a half hours of sleep. "This is impossible," Claude says to Danny at breakfast.

Danny thumps him on the shoulder. "People do this all the time," he says. "Stop whining."

The day is okay, if more fueled by coffee than is Claude's usual plan in the offseason, and then the next night is hell again. This time Clement wakes up at three and won't go back to sleep. He doesn't want a bottle. He doesn't need his diaper changed. Maybe he's sick? Claude tries to calm him down for ten endless minutes and then goes into Danny's room; he's been kind of avoiding coming in here since - since the thing before, but he's desperate.

Danny jerks awake as soon as Claude opens the door, probably because of the wailing infant he's carrying. Danny sits up and holds his arms out for Clement, and starts jiggling him, which looks kind of dangerous but makes Clement happy. After ten minutes, Danny says, "Got it?"

"He looks happy where he is," Claude says warily. Danny's the expert. He did this three times, which Claude is starting to think is way more of an accomplishment than winning a Cup would be.

"He's your son," Danny says sharply, and Claude reluctantly steps forward and takes Clement.

Thirty seconds later, Clement's screaming again, and Claude wants to punch himself in the head.

Even with the bonus sleep in the morning, Claude's a fucking zombie the next day. "I came here because I thought you'd make it easy," he tells the table top, while Danny makes him breakfast.

"Kids aren't easy," Danny says, and he sounds - huh. Kind of irritated. Claude makes a note to think about that, when he can think again.

"I'm getting that," Claude tells him. "Jesus. How does anyone do this?"

"It's just like hockey," Danny tells him, and Claude raises his head to give him a jaded look. "You do the work, you get the rewards."

"And the reward is - eventually the kid sleeps?" Claude says blearily.

"The reward is that eventually you're a parent," Danny says, and since Claude is looking at him, he can see that Danny looks - severe. After a few seconds, though, his face softens, and he says, "Eat breakfast and then catch a nap. I have the boys after school, and it'll be crazy. Sleep while you can."

Claude does, inhaling his breakfast and then stumbling upstairs to sleep. Danny's words keep going through his head, though. It's the first thing anyone's said about parenthood that makes sense to him. You do the work, you get the rewards.

Claude falls asleep wondering just how much more work there is to do.

When he was a teenager, Mike Richards made a mistake.

Summary: Jeff's not used to being the adult in the room.

Story snippet:

Richie walks in carrying two big suitcases, and the girl who follows after him looks exactly like him. Exactly like him when he's in the penalty box, to be precise. Jeff already knows what's coming, even before Richie says, "Jeff, this is Avis. Avis, Jeff."

Avis blank stares him. Of course. Jeff knows better than to engage with this; all his Richie instincts kick in, and he just nods at her and looks back at Richie, who looks - shit. Jeff steps forward to try to derail what's coming, but he's too late.

"Avis. I'm sure you can say hello to Jeff," Richie says. His voice is patient and a little slow, with big spaces between the words, so yeah, he's pissed off.

She tosses her hair and folds her arms. "I could." Jeff can tell, easily and painfully, that she's pushing it because she's unsure. And, damn it, he can't remember how Richie learned not to do that. If he'd known back then he'd someday have to deal with Richie 2.0, he'd have - well, okay, he wouldn't have taken notes, because let's be realistic here, but at least he might have paid closer attention.

Richie turns and opens his mouth, but this time Jeff's fast enough to cut him off. "Let me show you your room," he says to Avis.

She shoulders her backpack and says, "Oh, so I get one?" God, she even sounds like Richie, like Richie back when Jeff first met him. He's kind of smiling as he leads her upstairs.

Fortunately, she spends the rest of the afternoon locked in her room, which gives Richie time to get a little less angry. Then it's dinnertime. Jeff goes upstairs to tell Avis the food is on the table and leaves it up to her whether she comes down, which is probably why she does.

Richie's spent the afternoon swearing to be friendly, so he starts out the conversation by smiling - fake smile, press smile - and saying, "What do you want to do tomorrow?"

Avis takes a huge bite of chicken and chews and swallows before answering. Jeff is kind of helpless in his admiration of that, because she's only 11, and she's already so much better at this than Richie ever was. Once she's drawn it out for so long that Richie's hands have gotten tighter on his silverware, she says, "I don't know. I mean, I've never been here before, so I thought maybe you'd have some suggestions." She pauses, then adds, "Dad."

She's so fucking snotty. Jeff finds himself openly smiling at her as he says, "Well, there's always sulking all day in your room. That's a good time."

"Oh, are you my biological father? I thought you were just the 'roommate,'" she says. She makes air-quotes around roommate and everything. It's hysterical.

Jeff hears Richie's sharp intake of breath, but he manages to answer before Richie gets there. "At this point, I'm the guy whose buttons you aren't punching," he said. "So probably it's a good thing I'm the one talking to you."

She rolls her eyes. "He's so uptight. Doesn't he, like, meditate or anything?"

"He does yoga," Jeff tells her. "And Pilates." There aren't many sights better than Richie's downward-facing dog.

"I can stand on my head for fifteen minutes," she says. "Doesn't make me a nicer person."

Jeff can't help it. It's stupid, it's just going to piss Richie off, but he just can't help laughing at that. "No, it really doesn't," he agrees. Under the table, Richie puts his hand on Jeff's thigh and digs his fingers in so hard Jeff will for sure have bruises. "But then," Jeff adds sincerely, "basically everyone at this table is an asshole." He shrugs and eats some broccoli. Avis seems more interested in that comment than anything else that's happened since she showed up.

Figures. Jesus, she's so obviously related to Richie that Jeff can't believe it took her mother eleven years to figure that out.

Sidney Crosby doesn't parent like anyone else, either.

Summary: Sidney has to get used to doing it someone else's way.

Story snippet:

Sidney leaves the meeting furious. He's better than ever at hiding it, though, and he's pretty sure Nate doesn't even notice. He texts Geno with fingers that shake just a little: Fucking fuckers. He hates the therapists, hates the way they look at Nate, hates the thoughtful pauses as they write shit down on their forms. He knows in a few weeks he'll be hating the evaluation those women write up.

Nate reaches up for Sidney's hand as they step off the curb, and Sidney wants to go back and grab that one woman, Julie, and show her that yes Nate does interact and yes Nate is aware of his environment and yes he does know the rules. Sure, he shuts down when strange women wave toys in his face, but Sidney can't blame him for that.

Once he gets Nate buckled into his carseat, Sidney takes two minutes to just sit behind the wheel of the car and breathe. Okay, it's over. It's no big deal. It doesn't matter what they say about Nate. It's just words. His phone chimes and Geno's texting him back with a series of frowns. It chimes again: meet at park?

Sidney checks the time reflexively, but he already knows they have an hour before they have to be home so Nate will actually eat his lunch instead of screaming about it. Yes he sends back, and puts the car in gear.

The park is always where Nate has done best; Geno and Sidney spent a lot of time sitting here when Nate was a baby, just grateful for the respite. As soon as he sees where they are, Nate's whole body gets happy, and he's looking past Sidney - well, that's not a surprise, but he's looking at the grass and trees and sand before he's even unbuckled. Sidney walks him in and lets him go. Nate sits on the grass and picks and rolls individual leaves of it, which used to make Sidney crazy - it leaves his hands green forever - but, whatever, it doesn't actually hurt anyone. Then Geno shows up and they go for a walk.

Sidney knows that now that Nate's three and a half they shouldn't talk in front of him. There's no way of knowing how much he understands. But they have to talk sometime.

"What they say?" Geno asks, his eyes following Nate as he marches along the side of the path, running his fingers along the bushes, totally silent.

Sidney shrugs. He doesn't even really want to say it. It's always a list of deficits, always a list of what Nate can't do, doesn't do, won't do. Sidney goes to the meetings because he doesn't want anyone else to have to hear them, and he goes alone because he doesn't want to make Nate's life any more about his parents than it already is. But Geno needs to know, of course. "He isn't talking. He's obsessed with repetitive motion. He screams when certain things touch his skin. He's ahead in gross motor and fine motor and way behind in everything else."

Geno nods. "You tell them about -" and he makes the hand signal Nate has been making lately for no.

Sidney nods. They'd been excited when he brought it up, but not - it hadn't mattered. There was a picture in their heads, and Nate didn't fit it, and that was where it ended.

And then Geno and Sidney both stop talking, because they're coming to the end of the path. This is their favorite part of the walk, the reason Sid and Geno always come back to this park. Because at the end of the path there's a soccer field that's almost always in use.

Today it's two teams of preteen girls playing a real game, not just a practice, and Nate freezes for a second before breaking into a run, bolting for the bleachers. By the time they catch up with him, he's already seated, already staring, his whole body alert.

As usual, Sidney and Geno don't really watch the game. They watch Nate. Nate's eyes follow every move, and then - yeah, there it is. Nate's not just tracking the action on the field, now; he's predicting it. He's looking at the goalie as soon as a player sets up a shot. He's already slumping in sadness before the ball goes out of bounds.

Sidney, watching his son watch the game, feels something in him unwind. Yeah, okay, the therapists and teachers think Nate's got lots of problems, and honestly, he does. But Sidney watches Nate's face break into a smile as soon as he knows the goalie's going to catch the ball, seconds before her hands actually close on it, and he knows Nate's in there. Nate's going to be fine.

After all, Sidney wasn't a normal kid, either, and he turned out okay.

No one can resist Carey Price with a tiny child. What chance does PK have?

Summary: CAREY PRICE AND PK SUBBAN WITH A BAAAAAAAYYYYYYBEEEEEEEE. CUTEST THING EVAR OMG. [Note: This is the summary because I had to write over two thousand words to turn out an actual story snippet. I kept getting distracted by the adorability factor and writing endless words about snuggling and tiny socks and Carey feeding a baby shirtless and PK dancing around the living room singing to her. SORRY PK AND CAREY AND A BABY IS JUST REALLY CUTE OKAY.]

Story snippet:

PK really should have seen this coming. He didn't, because he likes to give his brain a vacation in the offseason sometimes, and also Cecy wakes up a lot and Carey's house isn't exactly soundproof, so he's been pretty tired.

But, fuck. You text your brothers a couple pictures of you with your teammate's baby - and, okay, a picture of you giving her a bottle, and a picture your teammate took while you were sacked out with her on your chest - and suddenly it's parental visit time.

PK loves his mother. Of course he does; she's great. But he's pretty sure she's never been this far west before, and he's also not entirely sure how Carey's control freak goalie thing is going to deal with an extra Subban in the house.

First things first. He's got to break it to Carey. PK always gets up for the six a.m. feeding - Carey's half dead then, and it helps if there's someone else there to make sure the right part of the bottle goes into the right part of the baby - but this time he takes Cecy so that Carey can get two extra hours of sleep. That's enough to ensure that Carey's functional at breakfast, so PK feels safe saying, "Hey, man, my mother's coming up."

Carey blinks at him. Then he swallows hard and says, "Your mother's coming up to - where?"

"Here. You know, she wants to meet the baby." PK really, really hopes Carey doesn't ask why she wants to meet the baby. He has no idea what he'd say. His mother didn't feel like explaining.

And Carey doesn't ask. Instead, he thinks about it for two forkfuls of eggs, and then says, "Okay."

PK stares at him. "Really?" He didn't think it'd be this easy. Carey can get kind of. Well. He's a goalie, that's all.

Carey shrugs. "Kayla and my parents were here at the beginning. It helps."

Sometimes PK has no idea what's going on in Carey's head, but right now it's making his life easier, so he's good with it.

Of course, later that afternoon it turns out that what his mother meant when she said she was coming up was that she was coming and bringing both of PK's brothers and one of his aunts and a cousin, and PK should just count himself lucky that his father has to work. They show up right after Cecy's second naptime, which is also Carey and PK's naptime, so PK is standing there in boxer shorts - Carey needs to look into a/c, for real - and introducing a baby in just a diaper (a cloth diaper, because Carey's a freak) to his family. "People, this is Cecelia. Cecy, these are - people."

"Ohhhh, look at you," PK's mother says, in a voice he's never heard her use before. She swoops in and grabs Cecy, who beams at her and goes for her ear. He's got to get her trained off the ears before the season starts.

Carey comes out carrying a clean onesie. "PK, I - oh. Hi." Carey stands there awkwardly, and for some reason PK is wishing one of them had put on pants. It's stupid, because no one in his family has eyes for anyone but Cecy right now - and, shit, that's not exactly true. Malcolm is looking at Carey, not Cecy, and then he looks at PK.

PK says, "Uh, I'm going to get dressed," and escapes. Later, he's going to have to explain to Malcolm how the part where they're brothers means he doesn't get to use the goalie stare on him.

PK brushes his teeth and puts on not just pants but a t-shirt, too. When he gets back out to the living room, his mother and Carey are sitting on the couch with Cecy, having an intense discussion about night feedings. Jordan is documenting the conversation with a camera, crouching down so he can get just the right angles on it, taking a billion photos for no discernible reason. Malcolm has Twitter open on his phone. The others have already broken for the kitchen, where they're cooking like it's a funeral or a wedding or something.

PK's life has never been weirder. He watches for a few minutes, long enough for Carey to look up and almost smile at him, and then he goes for the kitchen, too. If things are going to be this crazy, he's at least getting some bulla cake out of it.


Poll #11561 Kidfic poll
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 200


If I write more of one of these, which one should it be?

View Answers

The Claude/Danny + Clement kidfic!
5 (2.5%)

The Jeff/Mike + Avis kidfic!
78 (39.0%)

The Sid/Geno + Nate kidfic!
78 (39.0%)

The Carey/PK + Cecy kidfic
35 (17.5%)

None of them. I am a kidfic atheist.
4 (2.0%)

metaphortunate: (Default)

[personal profile] metaphortunate 2012-08-28 03:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Goddammit, we need ranked voting. Get on that, DW! (#2 choice = Carey/PK.)
synecdochic: torso of a man wearing jeans, hands bound with belt (Default)

[personal profile] synecdochic 2012-08-30 12:08 pm (UTC)(link)
It's in Bugzilla!

sylleptic: PK Subban putting Carey Price in a headlock. (fandom; hockey; PK and Carey)

[personal profile] sylleptic 2012-08-28 04:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Why is this not a tickybox, whyyyyy. That is, I love them all! Though Claude and Danny and their C-only naming scheme, jeez. I am entirely in agreement with the summary for the Carey/PK + Cecy one. And Sid and Geno and Nate are wonderful. But Jeff and Avis made me laugh and laugh, so I went with that in the forced-choice.
joyfulseeker: (Default)

[personal profile] joyfulseeker 2012-08-28 05:04 pm (UTC)(link)
BUT REALLY I WANT ALL OF THEM. No joke, I actually said, "Oh. My. God," when I got to the poll and realized I had to choose.
opusculasedfera: stack of books, with a mug of tea on top (Default)

[personal profile] opusculasedfera 2012-08-28 05:20 pm (UTC)(link)
I voted for Avis because you have done the impossible and made me like non-infant kidfic (they're all snotty assholes! it's so beautiful), but all of these are magical.

And I would be totally there for your lengthy screed on kidfic, should you choose to write it, I'm just saying.
opusculasedfera: stack of books, with a mug of tea on top (Default)

[personal profile] opusculasedfera 2012-08-28 06:55 pm (UTC)(link)
I think fandom seems pretty into our standard of adorable so, no worries? I just want them to slowly grow fond of each other incredibly dickishly! Is that so wrong?

And: *encourages* /not sorry
feanna: The cover of an old German children's book I inherited from my mother (Default)

[personal profile] feanna 2012-08-28 07:07 pm (UTC)(link)
I would read it too! (sorry)
lemon_badgeress: basket of lemons, with one cut lemon being decorative (Default)

[personal profile] lemon_badgeress 2012-08-29 02:56 am (UTC)(link)
But why not! Everyone should encourage you, because that would be an awesome thing.

*encourages*
spinfrog: small frog surfing the intrawebz (Default)

[personal profile] spinfrog 2012-08-29 03:39 am (UTC)(link)
I'd read your screed. I think we actual parents should provide real guidelines to fandom so that they don't end up perpetuating silly stereotypes they saw in silly movies and/or television shows, natch.
paxpinnae: the philadelphia flyers logo (flyers)

[personal profile] paxpinnae 2012-08-28 05:47 pm (UTC)(link)
100,000 WORDS OF THE GHOST OF BRATTINESS PAST. Though now I see that no one has voted for Claude Giroux concussing himself through childcare, and that makes me sad, because that's a good story too.
paxpinnae: Inara Serra,being more awesome than you. (Default)

[personal profile] paxpinnae 2012-08-28 07:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Who doesn't want that? Though I am amused by Jeff Carter's fondness for passive-aggressive brunet(te)s. And Avis's general existence.

Basically, the people have spoken, and their choice is a tiny female version of Mike Richards. DO YOU WANT TO UNDERMINE THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS?
impertinence: (Default)

[personal profile] impertinence 2012-08-28 05:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Carey/PK owns my heart for the adorability factor, but AHHHHHH TINY PRETEEN WHO OUT-SNITS MIKE RICHARDS. ♥_♥
sinensis: GOB and Michael Bluth hugging (brotherly love)

[personal profile] sinensis 2012-08-28 06:05 pm (UTC)(link)
I barely know who any of these people are, but the Sidney Crosby one made me cry, ferreals.

Your issues re: kidfic seem to be the same as my own, seeing as how I would read any of these stories IN A HEARTBEAT, and that's mos def not always true for me and kidfic.
sinensis: robert mitchum, kilmer house (Default)

[personal profile] sinensis 2012-08-29 04:53 am (UTC)(link)
now that's a good idea. WIN.
sinensis: lucille making a face, text is "oh no you didn't" (oh no you didn't)

[personal profile] sinensis 2012-08-29 05:59 am (UTC)(link)
Yes, I agree--if there is a mother and she's not around, I want that situation well covered, story-wise, with whys and hows and wherefores.

Okay. Well, in the case of kidfic where the kid is past the baby-in-arms stage, I am turned off by the cutesy (as opposed to simply cute) and super-precocious--stereotypical sitcom!kids, in other words. Relatedly, no attempts to textually render adorable lisping babble.

I think kids are probably challenging to write, but I do think they should treated as characters in their own right. And that's starting to get into my other issues, so I'll stop now and say, tag, you're it.

surexit: Two young girls walking away from the camera holding hands. (let's stick together)

[personal profile] surexit 2012-08-28 06:08 pm (UTC)(link)
FUCK IT WAS SO HARD TO CHOOOOOOOOOOOSE.

Second choice: Sid and Nate, because oh. *____*
surexit: A bird held loosely in two hands, with the text 'kenovay'. (Default)

[personal profile] surexit 2012-08-28 06:33 pm (UTC)(link)
NO I DON'T LIKE THAT MOTTO.
surexit: A bird held loosely in two hands, with the text 'kenovay'. (Default)

[personal profile] surexit 2012-08-28 06:36 pm (UTC)(link)
I THINK YOUR MOTTO SHOULD BE 'WRITE ALL THE FIC THAT I TEASE PEOPLE WITH'.

I GOT THAT FROM A TEXTBOOK ON BEING A GOOD PERSON.
surexit: A bird held loosely in two hands, with the text 'kenovay'. (Default)

[personal profile] surexit 2012-08-28 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Hahahaha.

I WILL BUY YOU THAT TEXTBOOK.
surexit: A bird held loosely in two hands, with the text 'kenovay'. (Default)

[personal profile] surexit 2012-08-29 10:35 am (UTC)(link)
JUST DO WHAT I DO.

OH WAIT NO I FREQUENTLY POST ABOUT FIC THAT I THEN DON'T WRITE. BOLLOCKS.

(Btw, you may or may not be interested, but just in case you're not reading your dwircle atm: I've just posted a little bit more of that robots Gen Kill ficlet I wrote for you aaaaaaaages back.)
runpunkrun: two curling stones sitting in the house (curling)

[personal profile] runpunkrun 2012-08-28 06:13 pm (UTC)(link)
What the -- you've got me reading hockey RPF? I don't know who any of these people are, but the snippets are all adorable. And I love your inverted trope ideas as well.
runpunkrun: combat boot, pizza, camo pants = punk  (Default)

[personal profile] runpunkrun 2012-08-29 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
Damn you, kidfic is my bag! And written by you? I will absolutely read that right now.
sinensis: GOB and Michael Bluth hugging (brotherly love)

[personal profile] sinensis 2012-08-29 06:14 am (UTC)(link)
it's really good.
runpunkrun: combat boot, pizza, camo pants = punk  (Default)

[personal profile] runpunkrun 2012-08-29 03:28 pm (UTC)(link)
I liked it! Stanley was a constant source of terror for those dudes and I dug it.
ladyvyola: (nicky pwns you)

[personal profile] ladyvyola 2012-08-29 01:34 am (UTC)(link)
What did I just read?

There was a Magical Cup Baby in it.

There were two Magical Cup Babies in it.

Oh, my weakness for (other people's) screaming babies, what have you led me into?

What? What?
intertangled: (Default)

[personal profile] intertangled 2012-08-28 06:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay, so, I voted for the Avis one, because snotty teenagers is a thing of beauty, but the Carey/PK one is wonderful as well. Ahhhh, choices are hard! (And it has Malcolm in it! Malcolm!)(I seriously need to stop obsessing over goalies.)
intertangled: (Default)

[personal profile] intertangled 2012-08-28 06:41 pm (UTC)(link)
I still cling to the theory that goalies have secret mind-control powers that they use to subconsciously affect us all, making us all love them unconditionally.
delurker: (Default)

[personal profile] delurker 2012-08-30 12:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Goalies are the best! I want to kidnap them all and have a tea party with them. I don't understand how anyone can write articles about how terrible their goalie is without feeling like they are removing all sunshine from this world.

Maybe they get telekinesis instead of telepathy?
intertangled: (Default)

[personal profile] intertangled 2012-08-30 02:39 pm (UTC)(link)
See, I kind of get not being very fond of some of your goalies (Tommy Salo, Viktor Fasth, I'm looking at you!), but in those cases I mostly just want them to go away so I can stop thinking about them and stop having viscerally negative reactions that I know objectively are ridiculous. I don't really get writing long, hate-filled articles about them.

And on the flip-side, anyone who's talked to me for more than five-minutes knows about my huge fangirl crush on Lundqvist, so I'm still pretty firmly in the "Goalies are the best thing ever!"-category.

Maybe they get telekinesis instead of telepathy?
Why anyone hasn't written the fic where all the goalies have superpowers and have secret meetings where they're plotting out how to take over the world is a complete mystery. It's pretty much reality!

spinfrog: (29 in gear)

[personal profile] spinfrog 2012-08-29 03:54 am (UTC)(link)
Ha! I am so glad you said that!

...Like, why isn't there a fic that's basically Marty Brodeur and Jonny Quick meeting up after various games at hotel rooms? Marty is impressed with Jonny's increasing crazy displays of athletic prowess! Jonny has followed Marty's career since he was a kid and cannot believe that he gets to play him!!! Maybe at first they just hand out and talk, but eventually ...other things happen! And Marty gets some consolation ass after losing game 6 so badly, right?
delurker: (Default)

[personal profile] delurker 2012-08-30 12:41 pm (UTC)(link)
A++ idea!
anniegee76: me holding my son at 10 months (Parenting)

Kidfic

[personal profile] anniegee76 2012-08-28 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)
I have similar issues to yours as regards kidfic, but I would read any of these in a HEARTBEAT. Since you (evilly) forced us to choose, I have to go with Sid/Geno and Nate, but...Avis! Clement! Any of them!!

That's bearing in mind that I am an East Coaster who's a nominal but totally uninvolved Bruins fan and I don't know who ANY of these people (except Sidney Crosby) are.
anniegee76: me holding my son at 10 months (Parenting)

Re: Kidfic

[personal profile] anniegee76 2012-08-29 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
Ha...after reading this point I went back and read your hockey RPF primer, including the epic separation and reconciliation of Carter and Richards. It brought a tear to my eye!

And as for kidfic: yes, I think parenthood has ruined me for kidfic. I keep reading these kidfic stories and the kids therein have no resemblance whatsoever to any of the children I know, let alone my own. All of this is to say I would love to read your kidfic screed.
unavee: (ferris wheel)

[personal profile] unavee 2012-08-28 07:36 pm (UTC)(link)
This is the worst poll! I really want more bratty Avis. But Sid, Geno, and Nate! The Carey/PK and Cecy sounds adorable. And I would read so much more of Danny telling Claude about the rewards of being a parent ;_;
labellementeuse: Corey Crawford smiling at the caera (hockey congratulations on your face)

[personal profile] labellementeuse 2012-08-28 07:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Had to switch my vote to Claude/Danny on the grounds that it looked so lonely. but they're all so beautiful :(

Really my answer would be "whichever one you're most likely to finish" though.
neery: Image of Saturn and a sun, words "Touching the stars" (Default)

[personal profile] neery 2012-08-28 08:28 pm (UTC)(link)
But I want all of them. ALL OF THEM.

By the way, have you read that Dresden Files fic by [personal profile] lightgetsin where Harry's teenage daughter moves in with Harry and Marcone and is snotty at them, and both of them realize they're in way over their heads? Because if that's a fandom you read in, I think it would be very relevant to your interests.
samjohnsson: It's just another mask (Default)

[personal profile] samjohnsson 2012-08-28 10:48 pm (UTC)(link)
drive-by link begging?
malachite: (Default)

[personal profile] malachite 2012-08-29 01:38 am (UTC)(link)
it's part of this series: http://archiveofourown.org/series/5955
she shows up in the fourth story
samjohnsson: It's just another mask (Default)

[personal profile] samjohnsson 2012-08-29 01:39 am (UTC)(link)
woot. thank you!
torachan: (Default)

[personal profile] torachan 2012-08-28 08:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Aww, these were all great! I love kidfic in theory, but in practice most of it sucks so much. For some reason so many people, despite having once been kids themselves and often despite even having kids themselves (and thus having more recent experience), just cannot write kids for shit.

It was hard to choose in the poll, but I voted for Nate, because if it's hard finding kidfic written well, it's even harder finding fic about autistic people written well.

[personal profile] annaalamode 2012-08-28 08:56 pm (UTC)(link)
But I want to read your kidfic screed because I am 90% sure I have at least some of the same issues and this way I don't have to write it myself!

[personal profile] annaalamode 2012-08-29 07:28 am (UTC)(link)
Disclaimer: This list applies to typically developing children.

a) No one seems to know anything about child development. like not a single thing. Hypothetical three year olds are probably not "skipping ahead" of their caregivers but they can't yet skip.

b) That thing that authors do where they write out kids dialogue phoenetically is so so annoying. and so often wrong. Because

c) kids speech patterns develop in entirely predictable ways but, in general, they can form sounds correctly by age 3-it is just grammar issues they struggle with. And the grammar issues are entirely predictable. Like, 2 year olds struggle with I vs You, with the idea that someone else is an "I".

d) Also, two year olds are learning to form words. They do not speak perfectly grammatical English and do not mispronounce every single word. No, they can't articulate the sounds as exactly as they will in a year but they don't speak in this "adorable" broken English.

e) Attention span = 30 seconds flat.

f) No parent leaves their 7 month old in a room by themselves so they can have a ~meaningful~ conversation with their crush object. No parent/caregiver of a 7 month old leaves them in a room alone while they go to the bathroom.

g) Not every child is a magic savant who can read at age 3. Also, no child can read at any age without someone *teaching* them to read.

h) Kids have different interests but most like some form of imagination play. And that kind of condescending attitude many fics have to child's play is so so annoying. What do you think we are doing in fandom, exactly? Solving world peace?

i) Hey, this is crazy but I've just met you so let me introduce you to my small child after a single date. NO. JUST NO.

j) If you can go to the grocery store with your small child, you are ahead of the pack. Don't even think you can stash your child in a pack and play (especially like your two year old wtaf?) and have your character do whatever it is they do for a living. Most kids can crawl out of their crib way before they reach age two.

k) sippy cup. sippy cup. sippy cup. It comes between a bottle and a regular cup.

k1) children are not as co-ordinated as adults. This is part of the reason they are not to be left alone with breakable things.

l) If your fictional caregiver is putting water in a bottle, the caregiver in your fic is officially an idiot

m) Teething happens in stages within "general" time frames. Caregivers know their child is teething not when they start putting everything in their mouth (because every baby does that) but when their child's diapers change. Also, teething hurts like hell. So hypothetical caregiver in this story, don't let your kid scream. Find some orajel.

n) Babies generally (with a few exceptions) sleep through the night by 16 weeksish.

o) A child without teeth is not capable of eating "hard" "table" foods. But a child over one year old a) has enough teeth and b) should be able to feed themselves with assistance. This drives me crazy. Why is your character handfeeding an 18 month old? He/she can use a spoon.

p) A child who is not potty trained does not have "accidents", ie your 20 month old character. A child who is fully potty trained will have accidents but those can be minimized.

q) Why do all these adults in fic neglect the hell out of their children? Honestly, sometimes I want to write a coda to people's kidfic where CPS comes and makes the fictional caregiver take parenting classes.

r) Also, it is not cute when kids hit, yell or act out. A parent who doesn't address those issues is one headed for a lifetime of principal's appointments. Kids are physical with each other but "learning to keep their hands to themselves" is a crucial step that your caregiver character should be reinforcing at every opportunity.

s) Not every child welcomes every new person they see. Not every child is outgoing.

t) Kids have ears. A caregiver can't talk "above" them because, even though they are short they will still hear everything said.

s)I think that is it. But I reserve the right to complain about more stuff. ;)
fred_mouse: cross stitched image reading "do not feed the data scientists" (Default)

[personal profile] fred_mouse 2012-09-02 12:52 pm (UTC)(link)
While in general I agree with you, some of your list are quite culturally specific (which might be the right cultural group for the characters). In particular - water in a bottle, and use of a sippy cup as the transition to drinking from cup.

Plus, either I have a very unusual sample, or babies sleeping through at 16 weeks is quite rare, unless you are using the 'medical'* definition of five unbroken hours while it is dark outside - many of the people I know talk of children not starting to sleep through until they stop napping, which at least in my case was about eighteen months (all three of them. One of my sisters and I were apparently that kind of sleeper as well).

* yes, that is the way someone explained it to me.

[personal profile] annaalamode 2012-09-02 10:12 pm (UTC)(link)
I was referring to the children generally portrayed in fanfic. But you are right about the sippy cup having a cultural context.

About sleeping, I was referring to a child who only gets up once or twice a night instead of every 2-3 hours. You are right that that point was not clear enough.
fred_mouse: cross stitched image reading "do not feed the data scientists" (Default)

[personal profile] fred_mouse 2012-09-09 04:33 am (UTC)(link)
I was referring to the children generally portrayed in fanfic

Are you saying that they are being given water in bottle/using sippy cups, or that they are not? I'm confused now. Depending on context, both do and both don't happen.

And it looks like we were using different definitions of 'sleeping through'.

Another thing I found that didn't agree with my cultural context was your comment on introducing a child to a partner after the first 'date' - well no, the child would have been on the date. But again, my cultural context is very different from the ones seen in the fanfic, and is probably not relevant at all.
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[personal profile] aquila_black 2012-08-28 09:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Normally, I am a kidfic atheist. In this case, though, I'd have to second the people who want more Avis! :)
aquila_black: Harry Potter is unconscious. His outstretched hand holds the Philosopher's Stone. Caption: Immortality. (Default)

[personal profile] aquila_black 2012-08-29 06:27 am (UTC)(link)
I'd probably agree if I knew who Mike Richards was. But the world needs more fictional girls with Avis' attitude, who aren't being portrayed as born bullies or otherwise terrible human beings. And I really liked how much Jeff could interpret the nuances of her mood, and just deal with it, without taking it personally or being offended.

[personal profile] odyssey88 2012-08-28 09:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Love each of them so so much!!! Is there any way for you to write more than one? /hint, hint/

In the end, this world needs more Crosby-feels (especially 2nd generation Crosbys!). Love how well you captured the difficulty and hope of the situation. Oh Nate...

[personal profile] odyssey88 2012-08-29 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
Btw... I must ask this because this naming-idea has been bouncing in my head for the last while (for a fic idea that will probably never be written D:), but was Nate named after Mario's wife??????

Nate
Nathalie.

Can't just be a coincidence!!!!
samjohnsson: It's just another mask (Default)

[personal profile] samjohnsson 2012-08-28 10:45 pm (UTC)(link)
...and you didn't give us multiple choice? Evil. I am disinclined to participate in your exclusionary hegemony; instead, I will note that I would be ecstatic to see more of Avis or Nate.
samjohnsson: It's just another mask (Default)

[personal profile] samjohnsson 2012-08-28 10:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay, I put on my big boy skates voted for Nate, just because I'm an Eastern Conference boy at heart, and I cannot abide any reminders of where the Cup went this year. (Yes, it came down to that.)
samjohnsson: It's just another mask (Default)

[personal profile] samjohnsson 2012-08-29 01:34 am (UTC)(link)
More Crosby is ALWAYS BETTER.

Especially if it's Crosby/Emotions, with Geno around to provide color commentary. But I will suffer through Avis giving Richie and Carts all the payback. All of it.
samjohnsson: It's just another mask (Default)

[personal profile] samjohnsson 2012-08-29 01:35 am (UTC)(link)
Well, I assumed that was known, since you keep teasing us with these pieces.
aderam: (Canadian Rink)

[personal profile] aderam 2012-08-28 10:53 pm (UTC)(link)
I went with Carter/Richards and Avis, but Carey/PK is my second choice (because they are awesome).

Mostly I just find babies unnerving. They're way more fun when they can talk back.
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[personal profile] afrikate 2012-08-28 11:25 pm (UTC)(link)
I agree with the need for ranked voting. Or, you could just write all of them! I am totally greedy for kidfic, even when I barely know the people you are writing about.
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[personal profile] synecdochic 2012-08-30 12:13 pm (UTC)(link)
Preferential voting is indeed in Bugzilla, but I wouldn't mention kids to my esteemed co- at the moment. He's got an infant and a step-toddler. :)
elucidate_this: (Default)

[personal profile] elucidate_this 2012-08-28 11:32 pm (UTC)(link)
HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY ASK ME TO CHOOSE IT'S LIKE SOPHIE'S CHOICE!

(btw, hi, i'm Meg, i don't think we'd ever interacted before these sixteenwins things)
puckling: (Default)

[personal profile] puckling 2012-08-29 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
THE FACT THAT THAT IS A RADIO POLL AND NOT TICKY BOXES IS INHUMANE.
puckling: (Thinky face)

[personal profile] puckling 2012-08-29 12:54 am (UTC)(link)
In the end I voted for PK/Carey because SUBBBBBBBANS (I have so many fucking Subban feels, oh my god) but Claude/Danny was my second choice. I would actually feel pretty okay about Claude and Danny and PK (and Carey) and his family being in charge of babies, which is not something I would say about a lot of hockey players.
quettaser: (Default)

[personal profile] quettaser 2012-08-29 12:40 am (UTC)(link)
THIS POST IS STUNNNNNING! So much greatness and adorableness. Carey Price with a tiny baby would literally kill me. I would die. But when it came to vote, there was only one choice. Jeff Carter + preteens always and forever. And when that preteen is a mini-Mike Richards, I become super tempted to make a bunch of deamwidth socks to stuff the ballot box and ensure that their story wins.

Ugh, this is the best!
withdiamonds: (voracious)

[personal profile] withdiamonds 2012-08-29 01:05 am (UTC)(link)
I would wish to see all of these, please and thank you.

Actually, you've already written a kidfic that avoids all my - okay, my one big - kidfic issue, for which I'm very grateful. I would love a lengthy screed.
withdiamonds: (angry spongbob)

[personal profile] withdiamonds 2012-08-29 05:26 am (UTC)(link)
That is very understandable.

My issue is the dead!mom trope. I'm not all that fond of the deadbeat!mom trope, either. I get it, there needs to be a way that these guys ended up responsible for a kid all by themselves. And surrogacy is fine unless you're going for the element of surprise! here's a kid you didn't know you had and are now stuck with raising all by yourself because mom died in childbirth/a car accident/disappeared/decided raising a kid was not for her/went insane and had to be institutionalized.

And I really do get that sometimes these things are necessary. It doesn't keep me from reading or enjoying the story. It comes with the territory, just like wives and girlfriends occasionally do. I guess I just wish there was a better way.

I don't know, maybe like MAGICAL CUP BABIES!

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