thefourthvine: Two people fucking, rearview: sex is the universal fandom. (Default)
Keep Hoping Machine Running ([personal profile] thefourthvine) wrote2015-02-14 09:42 am

Happy Valentine's Day! Don't Be Me.

It's Valentine's Day, so I would like to share a Cautionary Tale for the Youth of Today.

Once upon a time, my wife and I were teenaged college students who did not think before we got together, and by "got together," I mean "had sex for the first time," because did I mention we were teenagers in college? We did not bother with dating. So, you know, we let our passions overwhelm us, and didn't think before we had sex, and guess what happened? We checked the calendar the next day, noticed it was 2/15, and realized we had had sex for the first time on Valentine's Day.

Obviously this creates serious lifelong problems in terms of celebrating our anniversary. All because we were careless. Don't be like us.

"But TFV," I hear you saying. "You said she's your wife. Why not celebrate the anniversary of your marriage instead?"

Now, I could give you all kinds of excellent reasons, like that we couldn't get legally married until long after we were de facto married, because of governmental concern that allowing two people of the same sex to get married might cause a small black hole to form at the center of our planet and end the world. (Their caution is understandable considering the grave risks.) But that's not actually why. Let me tell you about our wedding.

We had a baby the year we got married, and also we are the least romantic people and least party-oriented people on earth, so we selected the "cheap courthouse wedding" option. We had a limited choice of dates, because we could only get married in the registrar's office on Fridays, and the election at which California voters would take away our civil rights was coming up fast. So we took the single reservation slot that was available when we got our marriage license.

On the day, we drove to the courthouse, met up with my mother, sister, brother-in-law (who had to be there to hold our baby), and oldest nephew, and had a five-minute civil ceremony conducted by a dude who finished with "and don't forget to file as married filing jointly on your state taxes next year." And then we left and the next couple and their friends and family came in.

And they were all in Viking costumes, because Best Beloved and I got married on 10/31. Our wedding anniversary is on Halloween.

What I'm saying is, youth of today, if there is a single message of wisdom I can share with you, it is check your fucking calendar before you fuck for the first time, and if it's a major holiday, wait. Otherwise you might end up like us, celebrating an anniversary that is not actually on any of the major dates of your relationship. (If you're really entirely like us, you will also never remember exactly what day you picked out to celebrate your pretend anniversary, but that's another story.)
giandujakiss: (Candygram)

[personal profile] giandujakiss 2015-02-14 06:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Yes, my heart bleeds for you. Crushing tears inside, seriously.

:-)

(happy somewhat-anniversary)
omens: sun shining through leaves (Default)

[personal profile] omens 2015-02-14 06:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Heeee! Happy anniversary!
peoriapeoriawhereart: cartoon men (Egon and Peter)

[personal profile] peoriapeoriawhereart 2015-02-14 06:09 pm (UTC)(link)
See, what this means is that all holidays are your anniversary. So, wishing you a great Presidents Day.
sasha_feather: Retro-style poster of skier on pluto.   (Default)

[personal profile] sasha_feather 2015-02-14 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Haha! Calendars are arbitrary anyway. Happy anniversary!
snarp: small cute androgynous android crossing arms and looking very serious (Default)

[personal profile] snarp 2015-02-14 06:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Halloween is a great day for an anniversary celebration, though.
lannamichaels: Astronaut Dale Gardner holds up For Sale sign after EVA. (Default)

[personal profile] lannamichaels 2015-02-14 06:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Happy anniversary. ;)
brownbetty: (Default)

[personal profile] brownbetty 2015-02-14 06:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Do you plan to have a plausible alternative in place in case the Earthling ever asks about an anniversary? Be forthright and honest? Awkwardly change the subject and hope he never notices?

:-)

[personal profile] armadillo1976 2015-02-14 06:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Dear Author of This Journal, whom I have never met IRL and only read becuse I internet-stalk Resonant: please know that reading this story just made my day, and brought a huge smile to my face. All the best on your anniversary and otherwise!
jelazakazone: black squid on a variegated red background (Default)

[personal profile] jelazakazone 2015-02-14 07:14 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee hee. Excellent story!

Dh and I have a problem remembering the date we got married. It's ... complicated. I didn't want my MIL to marry us (she'd just got ordained the month before we got married), so I devised this plan that we would do the legal bit before the exchange of vows. All well and good, right? Except that my sister (and now daughter) have birthdays on June 17. We had the legal ceremony July 16 and exchange of vows on July 18. I always want to say it was July 17 (because of the birthdays), and I know it's not right, so I have to deconstruct it every time. This has been going on for almost 17 years. And my sister (other sister) made us a plate with the date July 17, which doesn't help. LOL.

stasia: (Default)

[personal profile] stasia 2015-02-14 07:54 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG, my birthday is June 17 and it's so rare that I meet or hear of a birthday twin!! Tell your family members HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY from me. (Early, yes, but still.)

:D
jelazakazone: black squid on a variegated red background (Default)

[personal profile] jelazakazone 2015-02-14 07:56 pm (UTC)(link)

Ok, I know so many people who have their birthday on June 17. Like, I think you make #5 or 6. :D :D

It is an awesome birthday and I'm quite fond of the people in my life with it. <3 <3

Edited 2015-02-14 19:56 (UTC)
stasia: (Default)

[personal profile] stasia 2015-02-15 12:08 am (UTC)(link)
Huh! In my 44 years, I've only met two other birthday twins! I meet a lot of June 16 and June 18, but almost no June 17. How fabulous that you meet so many! (We are pretty spiffy, if I do say so myself. :D)

jelazakazone: black squid on a variegated red background (Default)

[personal profile] jelazakazone 2015-02-15 01:19 pm (UTC)(link)

high fives you I'm almost 44 (next month!).

Yeah, I'm quite fond of all the June 17th'ers I know. One is an ex boyfriend, another is married to a good friend of ours who was at my wedding :D

toft: graphic design for the moon europa (Default)

[personal profile] toft 2015-02-14 07:34 pm (UTC)(link)
That's rough buddy.
petra: Harley Quinn hugging Poison Ivy blissfully (Harley & Ivy - Femslash yay!)

[personal profile] petra 2015-02-14 08:07 pm (UTC)(link)
+1
gwyn: (hearts wizzicons)

[personal profile] gwyn 2015-02-14 07:52 pm (UTC)(link)
♥ ♥ ♥

Happy sexiversary!
likeaduck: A Vespa motorscooter with giraffe print paint job. "Vespa" logo appears in black behind the scooter. (Default)

[personal profile] likeaduck 2015-02-14 07:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Sorry for your timing. Happy anniversary. :)
helens78: A man in a leather jacket, seated on the ground, looks up hopefully. (Default)

[personal profile] helens78 2015-02-14 08:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Heeeeee! Happy anniversary!

(The Mr. and I started dating on my birthday, which thankfully isn't otherwise a national holiday. And then he had the good sense to ask me to marry him on Groundhog Day, so we usually do something romantic on the 2nd and then forget about the 14th until we're standing in See's wondering why the line is so long.)
lightbird: http://coelasquid.deviantart.com/ (Gators gonna gait)

[personal profile] lightbird 2015-02-14 09:19 pm (UTC)(link)
But it's such a great story!

Happy Anniversary! :D
starfish: Dangermouse and Penfold (Dangermouse!)

[personal profile] starfish 2015-02-14 09:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Am I actually the first to say it? Happy Fucking Anniversary!

(Osirus and I celebrate the day we met, which was the first night of Chanukah, 2003. It's our Latkeversary. We have no freaking idea when we started dating. Or rather, we have two separate ideas. So. Latkeversary.)
celtprincess13: (Default)

[personal profile] celtprincess13 2015-02-14 10:35 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm dying, because this is just so YOU. Happy Anniversary-ish.
uminohikari: (Default)

[personal profile] uminohikari 2015-02-14 11:18 pm (UTC)(link)
My parents' anniversary is Dec 31st, which means we have a huge NYE party every year and it's mandatory for us children to attend and help prepare. It.... means getting our socializing for the year over with quickly?
ursamajor: people on the beach watching the ocean (Default)

[personal profile] ursamajor 2015-02-15 12:38 am (UTC)(link)
ROFL. I read this story out to [personal profile] hyounpark, and he's like, "I relate to these people so well." There's a reason we got engaged on the 19th of the month - we'd gotten together on the 19th of another month, and Remembering Anniversary Dates Is Hrad.
rymenhild: Manuscript page from British Library MS Harley 913 (Default)

[personal profile] rymenhild 2015-02-15 05:29 am (UTC)(link)
Well, [personal profile] thefourthvine, it is possible to have a worse anniversary.

Thanks for sharing this adorable story!
rydra_wong: Lee Miller photo showing two women wearing metal fire masks in England during WWII. (Default)

[personal profile] rydra_wong 2015-02-15 09:51 am (UTC)(link)
Otherwise you might end up like us

I'm ... not seeing the deterrent factor here, really. *g*
cadenzamuse: Cross-legged girl literally drawing the world around her into being (Default)

[personal profile] cadenzamuse 2015-02-15 05:43 pm (UTC)(link)
+1
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[personal profile] vass 2015-02-15 01:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Happy anniversary. It sounds like it worked out all right despite the timing. :D
jesse_the_k: those words in red on white sign (be aware of invisibility)

[personal profile] jesse_the_k 2015-02-15 05:44 pm (UTC)(link)
And it did keep the hope machine running, so good on you!
yantantether: (Default)

[personal profile] yantantether 2015-02-15 08:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Hee! Happy anniversary, whenever it is! Also, I really applaud the choices of the couple who were getting viking!married.
fanofall: avatar of me (Default)

[personal profile] fanofall 2015-02-15 11:00 pm (UTC)(link)
I remember your anniversary every year and every year I think "HEE STAR WARS FOR YOUR ANNIVERSARY!" (Because is there *ever* a Halloween that doesn't have Yoda or a Jedi knight?)
monanotlisa: Diana as Diana Prince in glasses and a hat, lifting the rim of the latter rakishly. HOT! (Default)

[personal profile] monanotlisa 2015-02-15 11:17 pm (UTC)(link)
wrabbit: (Default)

[personal profile] wrabbit 2015-02-16 08:45 pm (UTC)(link)
TBH I aspire to this. Those are some Parks and Rec level antics.
ariadne83: danny is ridic (Default)

[personal profile] ariadne83 2015-06-03 08:17 am (UTC)(link)
THIS. My husband and I accidentally had our first date on Valentine's Day (a friend of mine invited him to come to a bar with us and then, um, things happened). It is a total pain - good luck ever trying to go out to dinner on your anniversary without booking *months* in advance.