Jan. 10th, 2012

thefourthvine: Two people fucking, rearview: sex is the universal fandom. (Default)
I am so tired there is a real chance I will just fall over right here instead of doing the many things I need to do before I can sleep tonight. And I have an inexplicable wrist injury. Poll time!

But first some explanatory text.

I rarely make New Year's resolutions. I am exceedingly demand resistant, so wanting to do a thing + intending to do a thing + basically ordering myself to do a thing = that thing will never be done by me. My deep, instinctive reaction to any order - even, like, "Duck!" - is, "I won't, and also fuck you," and that is absolutely true even if I am doing the ordering. (Or even if it's a lie. One year an acquaintance, who is very nice but sort of obsessed with growthfulness, and yes she does use exactly that word, asked me what my resolution was. Rather than tell the truth, which I knew would lead to a sincere, intense discussion of stagnation vs. blossoming, I told her my goal was to review every book I read for the year on GoodReads. And even though that was total bullshit, that year I stopped using GoodReads. I really am just that difficult.)

Occasionally, however, there will be a thing that fits into the tiny, tiny margin in my brain where resolutions are okay. I am not sure what qualifies a thing to go in there; it's just something I know. The last resolution I made was in 2005, and it was "Check the mail every day." (See, I would think, "Well, but I don't have time to sort the mail, so I should wait." The next day I would think, "Well, but I don't have time to sort a lot of mail, so I should wait." You can see how this goes.) I hoped that checking the mail daily would stop our mail carrier from hating us quite so intensely, and although that didn't work - I think the key there would have been having no dogs, or possibly getting no mail - I did get the mail every day for a year.

Or rather, that was the last resolution I made until this year. My current resolution is considerably more embarrassing, but I will tell you, because I am too tired to know any better. See. Okay. When you have a small child, there are certain - um - look. My resolution this year is "Remember to close the door all the way when you're going to the bathroom." Because when the earthling was able to get around, but not able to turn door handles, leaving the door cracked prevented him from spending the three minutes I was in the bathroom pressed against the door, miserable and alone and separated from Mama oh NO. But the earthling has been able to turn door handles with confidence for more than a year. And this holiday season I noticed that I had to make a great effort to remember to close the bathroom door when there were people in the house (besides BB and the earthling, I mean); it was like in the early months of the earthling's life, when I was breastfeeding so much that it took conscious, sustained effort for me to wear a shirt in the house.

I don't want to be that person. So: bathroom door closed this year, thank you.

But I feel kind of - envious, comparing this resolution to all the sincere efforts at self-improvement I see going on around me. I know that charts and goals and SMART objectives and comparables just cannot work like that for me, but it does look fun. I mean, I would totally join you except I am actually secretly a thirteen-year-old girl, and I do not mean silly or whatever people usually mean by that; I mean I am still, in some ways, the girl I was at 13: sullen and obstinate and willing to cut off her own legs if anyone, even for a moment, suggested it would be better not to. (True fact: every single time someone refers to a grown person as a thirteen-year-old girl in a work of fan fiction, I do not picture some ridiculous melodramatic love-obsessed naïf. I picture teeth and claws. It's confusing.)

So I cannot post about goals and so on. It would be futile. But all your goal posts (Hee! Oh, man, when I am tired I am so funny. To myself, I mean.) made me wonder: what would really make things better for you in the next year? If you had, like, a New Year's Wish instead of a New Year's Resolution, what would it be? (Yes, this is mostly so I can work on my When I Am Ruler of the Universe plans. What do you do when you're exhausted?) I am referring strictly to changes in you, by the way; change in other people is Beyond the Scope of the Poll.

Poll #9051 Goals and the Cumberhorse
Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 369

Which one of these things would improve your life the most in the next year?

View Answers

More money
57 (16.4%)

Better money management
8 (2.3%)

More time
8 (2.3%)

Better time management
41 (11.8%)

More free time
6 (1.7%)

More family time
0 (0.0%)

More sleep
8 (2.3%)

Better sleep (more consistent, more restful, whatever)
17 (4.9%)

More work
13 (3.7%)

Better work (more meaningful, more engaging, more sane, whatever)
37 (10.6%)

More meaning in your life
6 (1.7%)

More people (or relationships) in your life
22 (6.3%)

More socializing
2 (0.6%)

More time alone
2 (0.6%)

Better health
46 (13.2%)

More exercise
17 (4.9%)

More fun
3 (0.9%)

More creativity/creating stuff
20 (5.7%)

More help
0 (0.0%)

More freedom
3 (0.9%)

More love
8 (2.3%)

More safety
0 (0.0%)

More security or stability
13 (3.7%)

Nothing on this list can make my life better, but something else could, and I am off to tell you about it in the comments!
9 (2.6%)

Nothing on this list can make my life better, and I can't think of anything else, either. I guess I am just really happy with the status quo.
2 (0.6%)

What's one thing you really, really want in 2012? (If answering this is compatible with your brain, I mean.)

Unrelatedly, but to settle a point of contention between BB and me - can Benedict Cumberbatch be reasonably described as horsey or horse-faced?

View Answers

Yes. Obviously. Long face = horsey. Textbook!
58 (16.2%)

...I guess? I mean, it's not the first word that comes to mind, but okay, sure.
145 (40.5%)

No. Have you looked at a horse recently? Have you looked at Benedict Cumberbatch recently?
84 (23.5%)

I have no idea who Benedict Cumberbatch is. (Probably I live on Alpha Centauri.)
27 (7.5%)

I know who he is, but describing faces is really not a thing I can do.
44 (12.3%)


thefourthvine: Two people fucking, rearview: sex is the universal fandom. (Default)
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