Well, of course, everyone SWEARS they've been to Buttfuck, Nebraska; I mean, the entire STATE is kinda ... flat, isolated, and very dull. The "Beaver Crossing" business, on the other hand, has no excuse. Middle school students, learning the geography of their state, just CANNOT STOP GIGGLING. (Yes, I am speaking from personal experience! Ask me how!)

P.S. You should NOT cut the whine-fest. You should tell me everything. And then I will tell you "there, there", and pat your shoulder virtually, and then we will both feel better -- you because I was sympathetic, and me because then I won't feel like the worst friend ever. So we both win!