Yeah, I managed to come up with a list of woobie-ish women further down the thread, and they almost all tend to be on the less-traditionally-feminine side, i.e. Xena, Susan Ivanova, etc.

I think it possibly has something to do with the fact that they're presented as strong in an almost over the top way, so that when we write them as damaged, they don't come across as helpless victims, which I think might be part of the difference. Men in these situations still have agency, they're almost complicit in their own pain, where as when we think of, or write women as victims, they lack that same agency. They don't choose to endure this pain for the good of someone else, as the men seem to, the pain is simply inflicted upon them.

With a character like Xena, she has so much agency that it's almost impossible to write her as a passive victim, if she's in pain, it's because she wants to be, hence... woobie-ness.

And I think that if I keep going, I'm going to have to write a post of my own.