thefourthvine | Sartorial Assistance Needed OMG Please

Sartorial Assistance Needed OMG Please

I am seeking advice on two clothing problems. One is mine, one is the earthling's.

The Trousers Must Stay On!

The earthling has a very, very narrow waist. (He is not underweight. Just - narrow.) This makes buying trousers for him difficult; he generally grows into the waist around the same time the cuffs hit his mid-calf. With some brands, he doesn't grow into the waist until the cuffs are just below his knee, which would make them good shorts, except he doesn't like shorts. I have seen clothes labeled 9 - 12 months that have waists too big for his 40-month-old body.

And the thing is, the earthling has preferences. He doesn't like clothes with stiff or scratchy fabric or anything he deems poky, and he expresses his objections in no uncertain terms when things do not meet his standards. But for his age group, the only option for the narrow-waisted is adjustable-waist trousers. Which are, in the earthling's judgment, unacceptably poky, and in any case they only come in jeans and cords and stuff - all fabrics that are too stiff. He will not wear them. (And even if he did, on the tightest setting they still slip some.) He wants to wear elastic-waistband trousers made from soft fabric.

This takes us to pajama pants and sweatpants. Both of which, when they fit his length, fall off his narrow, narrow body unless we roll the waistband at least once, often twice. (We own exactly one pair of trousers that fits him in every dimension. One. This pair came to us as part of a pajama set. If I could, I would clone it.) This has worked for most of his life, but now he wants to get dressed all by himself. He does not want help, no thank you, Mama, I do it, I do it. He can get the trousers on, but he can't get them properly rolled, and the result is that he spends a lot of time walking around on his cuffs hauling up his waistband every two steps.

So does anyone have any brilliant ideas? I need either:

Some mechanism by which the waistbands of elastic-waist trousers can be made permanently narrower, without interfering with the earthling's ability to get them on all by himself.
A source for elastic-waist, soft fabric trousers for narrow-bodied toddlers.

Keep in mind that I do not own a sewing machine, and also the only reason I passed the needlecrafts part of Home Ec was that the district office sent over a note saying that, diagnostically, I could not ever be expected to do any better. (And even then, I was extremely wise and kept my projects very low on the ambition scale.) And Best Beloved's mother deliberately did not teach her kids home skills of any kind, on the grounds that she did not ever want them to use them.

So, basically, we are looking for a solution that does not require us to be crafty and handy and - stuff. This has ruled out everything I have come up with so far. Help? The earthling is running out of trousers. And tripping a lot. It is very sad.

The Boobs Must Be Free!

Before I got pregnant, I wore bras that took their design inspiration from the Bastille. My bras were things that you could, in an emergency, use as moderately functional body armor, filled with ribbing and nine million hooks and many wires, with a general aesthetic somewhere between "bondage device" and "cruel and unusual punishment."

Then I got pregnant, and soon I had a stomach in the way of many of those bras. Then I was nursing, and it turns out those sorts of bras block various critical ducts, not to mention that they don't fit the ever-fluctuating boobs of the breastfeeder, so they don't make them in nursing versions. I mean, yes, I have an underwire nursing bra, but it's entirely wimpy. One tiny wire under each boob! That's not a true underwire bra as I know it.

So, the earthling is now officially weaned. And, see, I've spent the last two years assuming that would happen any day now (and look! I was right!), so I've been wary of purchasing new nursing bras. As a result, I now have a total of four of them: one that is so stretched out it is more like a tank top, one that has a giant hole in it (making it ideal for any three-breasted breastfeeder, but less ideal for me), one that is way too loose, and one that actually fits and works.

Obviously, it's time to get out the old bras. They are the same size as my boobs currently are (or, okay, some of them are). But my boobs have lost the knack of wearing them. Used to be I strapped them into their wire cages and they did not protest, but after four years of freedom, they have decided they don't like captivity. They whine all the time - "A wire is poking my sensitive underparts!" (Used to be I could get an open sore on my boob from an exposed underwire with only minimal boob protests.) "This is really tight!" "Why is the cup only big enough for half of me?" (I said only some of them fit, right?) It's pathetic, seriously. Somehow having and nursing a baby turned my boobs into wimps.

Basically, they want to stay in nursing bras. I, on the other hand, would prefer to have cups that don't come randomly unhooked when I move too much, largely because there is nothing more wonderful than fishing around in your shirt for a stray cup, unless it is the charmingly lopsided look your boobs have when one is in a cup and the other one is on top of its cup.

I need recs. For bras. Bras that are not fierce contraptions of steel and strapping, bras that are somehow comfortable. (Underwires are optional, but fine. I mean, I do have underwires in my best-fitting nursing bra. Just - I guess not really aggressive underwires.) And these bras have to come in an H cup. Is there anything like that out there? Do any of you large-breasted persons out there know of a bra like that? Help my boobs! They are yearning to breathe free!

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EASE BACK INTO THE BRAS!

I mean, I stopped wearing nursing bras exclusively when I stopped pumping, and nursed for almost three years after that, so I had a lot of time to get the tits back into underwires, but I didn't leave the lack of structure cold turkey!

Also, I've found that even with the kid weaned now for almost as long as she nursed, the boobs are STILL more sensitive than they were pre-kid. So you may want to do the Nordstrom's fitting thing and try on all the bras until you find one that doesn't make your breasts weep.

Oh, and by the time they hit the size 5 or so range, and the T comes off the end of the clothing sizes, the waists are no longer assuming your kid will be a round little thing.

One day, we were mysteriously able to buy things that were long enough for Lily's legs AND didn't fall off her ass when she moved. It was amazing! Not that that helps now, but it does get better.

Signed, mother of a six and a half year old who MAY have finally hit 40lbs.

I have no idea wrt the relative comfort from nursing bras, but my Wacoal 36H (from Nordstrom, savior of the well-boobèd) is the most comfortable bra I own. *quiet sob* It's so lonely out here! I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WERE OTHERS.

My brother was (and still is) extremely skinny, and my mum used to buy clothes in the right size for his waist then sew a strip of bright-coloured fabric on the legs/sleeves/bottom of the t-shirt to make them long enough. Sometimes he would grow up but not out and there would be several strips!

P.S. I guarantee that if you go to your local independent fabric store, they can recommend you seamstresses who will be delighted to make the Earthling clothes to order. Or, like, a tailor.

My suggestions for the Earthling's trouser issues would involve craftiness; possibly you can convince a crafty friend to do all the craftiness for you?

As for bras -- I am large-breasted and, basically, I live in sports bras. I have for years. They are the best compromise between support and comfort I've yet to find. This might have something to do with having been a competitive gymnast when my boobs were first coming in, but. The thing is, sports bras can't really use wire, so they're comparatively soft; all the structure has to be built in via fabric. Goddess bras is a line that's pretty decent. My best fitting, best supporting one actually came from Bravissimo.

I think about looking for non underwire t-shirt bras every now and then, but really, honestly, sports bras serve me well for day-to-day wear. I have one good underwire bra for when I want to actually acknowledge that I have boobs, but otherwise, I live in sports bras or I'm just completely freeee. (Bodices aren't in professional fashion, TO MY ETERNAL GRUMPINESS. I've never found anything that supports me better than a good bodice. Hmph.)

Bras, if you can afford them: Conturelle. Specifically, I've got this one in F-cup and it's incredibly comfortable and really supportive. You can also try the non-plunge version of the same bra, and they have a bunch of other styles on that page.

That bra is also indestructible. I lost it under a washing machine for most of a year, washed it out once, and it was fine.

I second this. You can take the pajama pants that fit and say, "please make me more like this" and they will! It's like magic. Earthling can even go to the fabric store and pick out fabric. Although, that may mean that all his pants have trucks or pigeons on them.

I'd seriously suggest making an appointment and going for a bra fitting. You tell them what you want, and they will bring you ALL the bras!

I know there are a lot of people who don't like to spend a lot of money on bras, but to me, it's one of the most important items of clothing I wear. Every day. Basically I said to myself, "Self? If you can spend $150 on that pair of awesome boots that you're going to wear twice a week of you're lucky, for maybe 6 months if you're lucky, you can bloody well spend more than $50 on a bra that actually fits you!"

Seriously. It made SUCH a noticeable difference, and all of my shirts looked better. You can make an appointment at Nordstrom or another store. (My friend T dragged me to a lingerie store in NYC - Intimacy.) And the best part is you don't actually have to buy anything if it's really out of your price range, but then you'll know which kinds you like, and you can try to find them somewhere else that isn't as expensive.

Can't help you with the earthling's pants, though. Good luck!!

Goddess bras are awesome! I didn't want to recommend a brand because I'm in Australia and never know what's available elsewhere. But I wear those as everyday bras, and they're brilliant, even in really hot weather where I don't want anything touching my skin ever.

As far as trousers are concerned my sister-in-law has the same problem -- my little nephew is INCREDIBLY tall for his age and he is like a beanpole in dimensions. Her saviour has been a mix of sewing (which I know you don't want to do) but more importantly: buying European brands of children's clothes rather than Australian or American (not even really British, although she has some success with Mothercare). In general, the designer clothing rule that "labelled" clothes are stingier with the fabric than high street shops seems to apply to kids as well as adults. This is not a great solution for active kids who destroy their clothes with the frequency of my nephew, but she thinks it's worth it for the lack of falling on his face over his trouser cuffs.

Bra-wise, I HATE underwires and strap my unfortunately vast breasts into Triumph soft cup. They're a little on the HEAVY LIFTING REQUIRED type of design, but they're the most comfortable I've found and for a soft cup bra they are very supportive. Other than that the only way I've ever found bras that I didn't want to burn for discomfort rather than political reasons is my getting one fitted (even though this means having a stranger touch me, which is more or less the deepest circle of hell as far as I am concerned. That is how well that bra fitted.)

My minimally-crafty suggestion for the Earthling trouser problem would involve a safety-pin (which may not be ideal for a toddler, unless you get one of those nappy pins that are harder to accidentally lose). Double the waistband over somewhere (probably at the back) until it's small enough, and stick a safety-pin through it. If this works, and either of you are crafty enough to know which end of a needle to stick in the fabric and which to put the thread through, you could go round and round with the needle a few times (in through folded fabric on one side, back in on the other side, repeat) where the safety-pin is to make a more permanent & less potentially-sharp solution.

This will not, however, look particularly good, and may not be that comfy depending on how much of a fold you need. Paying someone to make you a few pairs of Earthling-sized trousers would look much better and probably be well worth the money.

Jayne by Goddess is comfy for me - I'm halfway between G and H. I don't like underwires - they've never been comfy for me.

With the Earthling - he wouldn't wear a belt, would he? I suppose that would be a bit constricting. *quells the thought of him in adorable suspenders*

I think the earthling will have this problem if he lives in the US! My kids have never have trouble finding fitting trousers here in Japan, despite my 9-year-old finally getting rid of his Year-4-size clothes this past summer (more because he outgrew the style, the waist is fine). We could send you hand-me-downs?...

Failing that, in the US we have had success with Gymboree and with sweatpants with strings to tighten. (You probably will want to get rid of those strings, because one end invariably pulls out and becomes dangerous). The trick is to tie the end of some good elastic to the string end, so when you pull out the string you thread the elastic into the waistband [DO NOT cut the elastic beforehand! and make sure it's strong enough for a waistband].

Then, once the string is out and you now have elastic dangling out the string-holes, pop the kid into the pants, adjust the elastic to a good size (not too tight, still stretchy enough), and tie a bunch of knots in it so it stays put. THEN cut the ends of the elastic. Your small child will be able to put them to good use! Elastic: miles of stretchable fun!

(We bought all our string-tied sweatpants at Gymboree and they lasted through two kids with no holes or anything, but I don't know if they're all over the US.)

Thirding this suggestion. Seamstresses will happily make Earthling pants for you for a reasonable sum.

How's the earthling with a single stiff spot of fabric at the waist? 'Cuz if he's okay with that, then I'd suggest hot glue. You'd probably want to make any glued patch at least an inch by half an inch wide, leading to said stiff spot, but when used appropriately hot glue will hold to fiber like you wouldn't believe, and I've got the crocheted ponies to prove it.

If ironing isn't out of the question (which it could well be), there's also iron-on patches. You pinch the trouser waist to the width you want it, fold a patch over the pinch, apply iron, and viola! Er, probably. This is entirely untested on my part.

(All the iron-on patches I tried with my kids' clothes came off in a few washes. Though maybe hot-glueing the patches would have worked!)

Sigh. Bra shopping. Even the stores that say they specialize in large cup sizes rarely if ever approach mine.* Thus, I've gotten familiar with lots of websites.

If you want something really comfy and aren't going to be doing a lot of running or jumping or going anyplace fancy, Decent Exposures makes soft cloth bras to order. Considering the total lack of underwire or space age fabrics, they're reasonably supportive: for me, these are the bra equivalent of sweatpants.

Otherwise, good websites for big cup sizes are Figleaves, HerRoom, and Bravissimo. My all-purpose bras, which are both reasonably comfortable, sturdy as heck, and not completely hideous, are mostly from the Panache Tango series. I think I've bought, like, six of those over the last few years. I also just recently got this sports bra and I really like it so far. Very supportive, and the underwire is relatively non-obnoxious.

* I really, really hate it when average-sized people say, "Oh, you just need to ask a salesgirl to help you get fitted right. I did that once and it changed my whole bra-buying experience." Trust me, I've been fitted many times. Here is what happened the last time I got professionally fitted, in a shop for plus-size undergarments.

Sales clerk: *checking tape measure* Okay, so you're a 36 or a 38. Let's check cup size.
Me: Uh, right here in the middle of the shop? I know this is Vegas but there are still public nudity laws...
Clerk: Oh, I can just do this over your clothes.
Me: Uh, no, you really can't.
Clerk: No, really, I know what I'm doing. I am a trained professional!
Me: No, but see, this bra is carefully designed with more engineering than the Brooklyn Bridge, all for the purposes of holding me in. Also it's too small, so there are at least two inches of boob that's just been sort of folded down beneath my floating underwire.
Clerk: Well, let's just try anyway. *measures, reads* You are a 38 DDD.
Me: Ahahahaha. No. Not since the middle of high school.
Clerk: Women are often surprised to find they're wearing the wrong size! Here, let's grab a couple bras for you to try.
Me: I really, really wish I were a DDD, but seriously: no.
Clerk: Well, let's try these and see.
Me: ...Don't say I didn't warn you. *goes to fitting room* *bras given cover, like, 1/3 of the necessary surface area, cannot be hooked* *calls for clerk*
Clerk: Oh my god.
Me: Yeah.
Clerk: Where were you keeping those?
Another clerk: What's going... *pokes head into fitting room* ...DAMN, girl.
Me: Yeah, so, uh, do you have any Js or Ks?
Clerk 2: Hey Maria, come here for a second.
Me: Uh, guys?
Clerk 1: *picks up my own bra, inspects* Where did you even get this?
Yet another clerk, apparently named Maria: Yeah? What's...holy crap.
Me: Guys...
Clerk 2: Maria, we stop sizes at a G, right?
Clerk 3: Yeah, afraid so. Um, maybe you could have something specially made? I know there are a couple of shops in town that cater to the specialty-sized strippers...
Me: ...Great.
Clerk 3: Or you could try online.
Me: Uh-huh. Thanks. Um, could I put my clothes on again, now, please?

Never too young to get him on the concept of styling in suspenders, no?

Don't know about bras, though. The women I know who're similarly endowed tend towards full corsets from customs manufacturers down here.

I'm a G, I wear the DDD on these from lane bryant--they are essentially stretchy cotton bags of boob coverage, so very forgiving. Might be worth stopping by a local store to see if the DDD would accommodate you?

As far as my bra-fitting went (and I'm only a 46DD, not too hard to fit!):

Me: I'd like to have a bra fitting for an everyday bra.
Shop assistant: We don't have anything in your size.
Me: What about this bra that is in my hand that I was considering buying?
Shop assistant: If you wear that every day, it will give you breast cancer. Sports bras are only for sport.
Me: *hurries away, never goes back* *waits several years for someone to invent internet shopping before ever buying another*

I want to add, because people below are saying that getting a bra fitted is horrendous, that yes, it totally IS horrendous in any regular lingerie shop. I was in Bravissimo, which only serves customers in sizes D-KK (I'm a G), which makes all the difference to the range they stock and the way they treat you.

I've had success with Barbara and Prima Donna. The later especially is pretty without sacrificing function at all, but also quite pricey. biggerbras.com says Barbara only goes up to F, but Prima Donna does do H, though probably not on all of the models. Not sure I'd call them extremely comfortable, especially not on the shoulders (ouch, weight), but they're not uncomfortable and I get an extra layer of happy just from having a bra that actually fits, and that works for me.

If you can get drawstring trousers of the right length, or elasticated ones in which the elastic is merely encased in a tube, it is minimally crafty to run a new strip of elastic through (put a safety pin on the end and wriggle it through the tube), which you can then knot off at an appropriate tightness (and loose if he grows). (Hint: don't cut the elastic off the roll until you have it all the way through, and knotted off, and he's tried them on.)

Etsy could be another source for the pants. They used to have a post-requests-for-custom-orders feature called Alchemy that they've taken down; however, many sellers take custom requests, especially for sewing. And there's a ton of competition, so it should be doable to find an affordable seller with a style of fabric you like.

Frex, a random search for "boy's pants" found me these: http://www.etsy.com/listing/81961409/custom-boys-pants?ref=sr_gallery_1&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=custom+boy+pants&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_ship_to=ZZ&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade

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Sartorial Assistance Needed OMG Please

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