Disclaimer: This list applies to typically developing children.
a) No one seems to know anything about child development. like not a single thing. Hypothetical three year olds are probably not "skipping ahead" of their caregivers but they can't yet skip.
b) That thing that authors do where they write out kids dialogue phoenetically is so so annoying. and so often wrong. Because
c) kids speech patterns develop in entirely predictable ways but, in general, they can form sounds correctly by age 3-it is just grammar issues they struggle with. And the grammar issues are entirely predictable. Like, 2 year olds struggle with I vs You, with the idea that someone else is an "I".
d) Also, two year olds are learning to form words. They do not speak perfectly grammatical English and do not mispronounce every single word. No, they can't articulate the sounds as exactly as they will in a year but they don't speak in this "adorable" broken English.
e) Attention span = 30 seconds flat.
f) No parent leaves their 7 month old in a room by themselves so they can have a ~meaningful~ conversation with their crush object. No parent/caregiver of a 7 month old leaves them in a room alone while they go to the bathroom.
g) Not every child is a magic savant who can read at age 3. Also, no child can read at any age without someone *teaching* them to read.
h) Kids have different interests but most like some form of imagination play. And that kind of condescending attitude many fics have to child's play is so so annoying. What do you think we are doing in fandom, exactly? Solving world peace?
i) Hey, this is crazy but I've just met you so let me introduce you to my small child after a single date. NO. JUST NO.
j) If you can go to the grocery store with your small child, you are ahead of the pack. Don't even think you can stash your child in a pack and play (especially like your two year old wtaf?) and have your character do whatever it is they do for a living. Most kids can crawl out of their crib way before they reach age two.
k) sippy cup. sippy cup. sippy cup. It comes between a bottle and a regular cup.
k1) children are not as co-ordinated as adults. This is part of the reason they are not to be left alone with breakable things.
l) If your fictional caregiver is putting water in a bottle, the caregiver in your fic is officially an idiot
m) Teething happens in stages within "general" time frames. Caregivers know their child is teething not when they start putting everything in their mouth (because every baby does that) but when their child's diapers change. Also, teething hurts like hell. So hypothetical caregiver in this story, don't let your kid scream. Find some orajel.
n) Babies generally (with a few exceptions) sleep through the night by 16 weeksish.
o) A child without teeth is not capable of eating "hard" "table" foods. But a child over one year old a) has enough teeth and b) should be able to feed themselves with assistance. This drives me crazy. Why is your character handfeeding an 18 month old? He/she can use a spoon.
p) A child who is not potty trained does not have "accidents", ie your 20 month old character. A child who is fully potty trained will have accidents but those can be minimized.
q) Why do all these adults in fic neglect the hell out of their children? Honestly, sometimes I want to write a coda to people's kidfic where CPS comes and makes the fictional caregiver take parenting classes.
r) Also, it is not cute when kids hit, yell or act out. A parent who doesn't address those issues is one headed for a lifetime of principal's appointments. Kids are physical with each other but "learning to keep their hands to themselves" is a crucial step that your caregiver character should be reinforcing at every opportunity.
s) Not every child welcomes every new person they see. Not every child is outgoing.
t) Kids have ears. A caregiver can't talk "above" them because, even though they are short they will still hear everything said.
s)I think that is it. But I reserve the right to complain about more stuff. ;)
no subject
a) No one seems to know anything about child development. like not a single thing. Hypothetical three year olds are probably not "skipping ahead" of their caregivers but they can't yet skip.
b) That thing that authors do where they write out kids dialogue phoenetically is so so annoying. and so often wrong. Because
c) kids speech patterns develop in entirely predictable ways but, in general, they can form sounds correctly by age 3-it is just grammar issues they struggle with. And the grammar issues are entirely predictable. Like, 2 year olds struggle with I vs You, with the idea that someone else is an "I".
d) Also, two year olds are learning to form words. They do not speak perfectly grammatical English and do not mispronounce every single word. No, they can't articulate the sounds as exactly as they will in a year but they don't speak in this "adorable" broken English.
e) Attention span = 30 seconds flat.
f) No parent leaves their 7 month old in a room by themselves so they can have a ~meaningful~ conversation with their crush object. No parent/caregiver of a 7 month old leaves them in a room alone while they go to the bathroom.
g) Not every child is a magic savant who can read at age 3. Also, no child can read at any age without someone *teaching* them to read.
h) Kids have different interests but most like some form of imagination play. And that kind of condescending attitude many fics have to child's play is so so annoying. What do you think we are doing in fandom, exactly? Solving world peace?
i) Hey, this is crazy but I've just met you so let me introduce you to my small child after a single date. NO. JUST NO.
j) If you can go to the grocery store with your small child, you are ahead of the pack. Don't even think you can stash your child in a pack and play (especially like your two year old wtaf?) and have your character do whatever it is they do for a living. Most kids can crawl out of their crib way before they reach age two.
k) sippy cup. sippy cup. sippy cup. It comes between a bottle and a regular cup.
k1) children are not as co-ordinated as adults. This is part of the reason they are not to be left alone with breakable things.
l) If your fictional caregiver is putting water in a bottle, the caregiver in your fic is officially an idiot
m) Teething happens in stages within "general" time frames. Caregivers know their child is teething not when they start putting everything in their mouth (because every baby does that) but when their child's diapers change. Also, teething hurts like hell. So hypothetical caregiver in this story, don't let your kid scream. Find some orajel.
n) Babies generally (with a few exceptions) sleep through the night by 16 weeksish.
o) A child without teeth is not capable of eating "hard" "table" foods. But a child over one year old a) has enough teeth and b) should be able to feed themselves with assistance. This drives me crazy. Why is your character handfeeding an 18 month old? He/she can use a spoon.
p) A child who is not potty trained does not have "accidents", ie your 20 month old character. A child who is fully potty trained will have accidents but those can be minimized.
q) Why do all these adults in fic neglect the hell out of their children? Honestly, sometimes I want to write a coda to people's kidfic where CPS comes and makes the fictional caregiver take parenting classes.
r) Also, it is not cute when kids hit, yell or act out. A parent who doesn't address those issues is one headed for a lifetime of principal's appointments. Kids are physical with each other but "learning to keep their hands to themselves" is a crucial step that your caregiver character should be reinforcing at every opportunity.
s) Not every child welcomes every new person they see. Not every child is outgoing.
t) Kids have ears. A caregiver can't talk "above" them because, even though they are short they will still hear everything said.
s)I think that is it. But I reserve the right to complain about more stuff. ;)