Heh. Totally agree with you on every single one of those points! Especially the use of soap as lubricant and the mangling of the English language. Every time I read the word 'cum' in any context, it makes shiver - but not in anticipation. :)

Must admit that it made me giggle, though, that you practically called me a nun - I'm 24, still a virgin, and it doesn't look as if that's about to change any time soon. And there's not a lot of backstory to that, no great moral convictions (except that I'd like it to be with someone I care about, not one-night-stand or holiday flirt) or traumas or anything - I just haven't gotten around to it yet. So I guess I'll have to hunt through my closet for a nice penguin suit... *g*