well, i've noticed that i have a hyper-emotional response to ray. when he's happy, i'm ecstatic. when he's at all sad, i am despondent. and in this story, he's so sad. and the dream-things about killing himself just tore me apart. and i had to leave off reading right in the middle of all that. yeah, i say despair because he had no hope. he wasn't trying to change things. he wasn't telling fraser. oh man. thank god it ended the way it did.

it is an amazing story and i'm glad you recced it and i read it. i'll just be more thorough in my pre-reading next time. :)