I was not aware that your life was incomplete before this -- and, obviously, neither were you -- but it was.

Ah-ha! I knew there had to be a simple explanation for all my problems, and apparently, this is it. (Although, really, I'm disappointed. You'd think that over the years the various psychologists, psychiatrists, and assorted other helping professionals would have figured out that my problem was "lack of talking lab rats." Have these people never heard of Occam's Razor? I blame our education system. *shakes fist*)