thefourthvine: Two people fucking, rearview: sex is the universal fandom. (Default)
Keep Hoping Machine Running ([personal profile] thefourthvine) wrote2011-05-05 07:37 am

218: A Stunning Lack of Heterosexuality

Okay, so you people came through beyond my wildest dreams in the No Heterosexual Explanation Moments post. I have spent the last couple of days basically rolling in slashiness, and it's been awesome. So I thought I'd return the favor, to the best of my limited abilities. Here's a rec set showcasing just a tiny amount of the non-heterosexuality that's out there! YAY.

(Note: spoilers in this post for Star Trek TOS.)

The One That Shows That You Could Never Have a Reasonable Portmanteau for This Pairing. (Husky? Starch?) I Like That about a Fandom. Something to Talk About, by [livejournal.com profile] lauramcewan. Starsky and Hutch, Kenneth Hutch/David Starsky. (Scroll down to the middle of the vids section.)

Starsky and Hutch was by far the winner of the No Heterosexual Explanation roundup. Apparently, this show broke new ground in the field of really not being straight in any way at all. (I was astonished to discover, though, that there was more to these guys than slashy subtext. Like, check out this segment of an episode. They're actually dealing with the topic of homosexuality in a way that is not played for laughs or some imaginary gross-out factor. And, uh, maybe this is just me, but I am totally incapable of not reading that clip as communicating that the blond guy is, himself, closeted. His reaction shots! Him trying to explain that, you know, that attitude is what keeps some people from coming out! His significant looks! It's a whole new kind of NHEM, is what it is, and I thank those who linked to it in the post.)

This vid is a compilation of all the visual Starksy and Hutch NHEMs. At least I assume this is all of them; I don't see how one show could contain more without the stars ending up giving each other blowjobs just from the accumulated pressure of all those non-heterosexual moments. And, bonus, there's helpful photographic emphasis, just in case you somehow missed the slashiness. (This would be a good vid for anyone who does not get the NHEM. They're all right there, clearly highlighted for your convenience. And decidedly unheterosexual.)

And, seriously, it's amazing, this vid. I mean, I had already seen it. I was impressed by its slashiness. But before I made the NHEM post, I had no context for any of these clips - like, I didn't realize that they were offering to have a threesome with that one girl, and when she refuses, they were going out arm in arm. I mean - seriously, I don't even know what to DO with that, except to assume that the brown-haired guy eventually got over his internalized homophobia. To which I can only say, "Go, brown-haired guy," because these two were clearly meant to be.

And, equally clearly, they are not heterosexual at all.

The One That Proves That If You Give a Vidder a Phallic Symbol, She Will Fuck a Character in the Ass with It. I Like That about Vidders. Tonight I'm Fucking You, by [personal profile] talitha78. White Collar, Peter Burke/Neal Caffrey.

[personal profile] thingswithwings described this show as classic slash, and it is. It is totally, totally classic slash, inexplicably transported to the modern day, so that we get to admire the suits instead of the sweaters. (Because, man, one thing I miss about the old '90s fandoms - they had great sweaters. Actually, I think they all had the same sweaters; I'm pretty sure I saw Methos wearing one of Jim Ellison's once.) And then the writers added a heaping helping of OT3 and kink, just to make sure we were happy.

I don't know about you, but I'm really happy.

White Collar is unusual in that the series premise has no real heterosexual explanation, so the entire show makes no sense unless you assume that there is, at minimum, a lot of not entirely heterosexual lustful thinking going on. So, you know, a compilation of visual NHEMs wouldn't really get to the heart of the lack of heterosexuality in White Collar. Fortunately, the queen of pairing vids was on the case. (Seriously, she's incredible. I keep a list of great pairing vids, and she made about a quarter of them.) What Talitha did was make a modern classic slash vid for the modern classic slash show. This is - this is exactly the essence of a slash vid, here. Check out that lollipop, people. And Peter's hip action. And all that eyefucking. (Hell, listen to the SONG. If there's ever been a more perfect song for a slash vid, I am not sure what it might be. I know this sentiment is frowned upon in vidding circles, but I would be up for a vid to this song in every single fandom.) And because this is a pairing that basically gets down on its knees and begs for kink - again, it's written into the series premise - there's also just a hint of kink. To whet your appetite. (God, I love cop fandoms; the handcuffs are always right there. Although White Collar, ever determined to advance the frontiers of the kind of subtext that isn't exactly sub, keeps the slave collar right there, too.)

There are so many things to love about this vid - how it encapsulates the slasher's eye, how it showcases Peter and Neal's body language, how it loves on Neal's looks until even I, the lone holdout in the Matt Bohmer Is Kind of Funny Looking Camp, believe he's beautiful.

But what I love most of all is how I cannot stop laughing at the vid at right around the one minute mark. That, right there: that is vidding perfection, people. Vidding and slash perfection.

The One That Proves That You Can't Keep a Good Starfleet Officer Down. (Unless of Course He Wants to Go down, in Which Case Good Luck Getting Him Up.) I Admire That about Starfleet. Dante's Prayer, by Killa, aka [personal profile] killabeez. Star Trek: the Original Series, James Kirk/Spock. (Scroll down to the Star Trek section. You can leave comments right there at the sticky post!)

Making this set could have been excruciating for me. I should have been in agony, having to choose between Killa's TOS vids and her Highlander vids. Both shows are filled with NHEMs, both have pairings of great fannish heritage. But, well, this vid. It had to be this vid. (I talk more about my history with this vid here; spoilers in the post for TOS, Buffy, SG1, and Star Wars. Spoilers in the comments for everything. Everything, I tell you.)

Dante's Prayer isn't just a tribute to one of the great non-heterosexual pairings of our time; it's also a tribute to a whole No Heterosexual Explanation Plot. I mean, okay, I've seen enough of TOS to know that the Kirk/Spock is real. (There is no other explanation of the back rub scene, people. And you can't convince me that the emotion the empath lady is sensing here isn't love. I just - what else could it be? Attentive and Vulcan-appropriate interest in human sleep patterns?) But the movies, seriously, it's like the writers said to themselves, "It's really hard to take these two any further in terms of total lack of heterosexuality. But I feel like we should. Hmmm. Oh, hey, I know!"

Because, okay, (uh, SPOILER), Spock dies. And Kirk is completely and totally gutted - it takes, like, the entire engineering staff to keep him from going to Spock even though a) it wouldn't help Spock and b) it would kill all the rest of them. And then Kirk cheerfully sacrifices the things he loves best in the world (his ship, his career) to have a chance of getting Spock back.

That right there is one touching, tear-inducing, romantic, and totally heterosexuality-free plotline. And that's what this vid is all about. I mean, I loved this vid before I knew anything about Kirk or Spock. It's gorgeous. It's beautifully done. It takes two things I generally find hard to take in vids (very slow song without much of a beat, use of sound clips from the source) and makes them work so perfectly you can tell Killa is a master.

But these days, when I watch this vid, I can hardly see her skill. (Partly because, yes, okay, I'm a little teary, but we are ignoring that. Let's all just pretend I have dignity, please.) Because I'm just watching the story. For which, for the record, there is absolutely no heterosexual explanation whatsoever.

The One That Proves That Sometimes, the Reason Two Guys Keep Taking Each Other down Is So That They Can Fuck Once They're Winning. I Admire That about a Pairing. Bad Romance, by [livejournal.com profile] sisabet. Smallville and other Superman media. Clark Kent/Lex Luthor.

Oh, Lex. Oh, Lex. I just love you so much. And that means I love this vid even more, because this is - this is the ultimate Clark/Lex romantic showdown. Lex doesn't want to be friends. He either wants to fuck Clark or fuck him up. Or, ideally, both.

Now, I have no idea what Lex and Clark were like in the pre-Smallville era. (I was a Marvel girl, back when I was in comics fandom. If you want me to tell you about what Wolverine was like then, I am here for you. Mostly because you couldn't walk into the Marvel section of a comic book store without basically taking a Wolverine claw to the eye, but that is a whole other story.) I'm not sure if they were always absolutely and totally gay for each other, or if it was the fine writing prowess of the first season Smallville team, plus Michael what's-his-dick and Tom Welling, who changed the way we'd all see Clark and Lex forever. And I don't care. Because [livejournal.com profile] sisabet has created a retrospective that covers all the Clarks and all the Lexes, and she has managed to find the core of absolute and total sexual obsession in each one of them. It's amazing. It's a sweeping, epic, twisted gay love story covering most of a century. Set to Lady Gaga, which as far as I can tell is what Lady Gaga is for.

It's brilliant, basically. I love the mixed media of this - I can't help reading it as though Smallville Clark and Lex are the real ones, and the comic books and movies and animated shows and all the rest of it are made about them. (In my head, they get outed, and people make a lot of terrible movies and write unauthorized biographies about them, like the ones about Prince William and Kate formerly Middleton. Look, I cannot be held responsible for the contents of my head, people; there's all kinds of shit in there.) And this is their story! And it's, you know, kind of crazy, especially in Lex's corner, but let's face it, Clark is not a blameless party, here.

Anyway. Clark. Lex. No heterosexual explanation in the multiverse is enough for these guys. And that's why we love them. Or, okay, it's why I love them, but don't try to tell me you're in it for the nuanced exploration of superheroism as a metaphor, because I will not believe you.
stewardess: (dc clex pink shirt by laurab1 at LJ)

[personal profile] stewardess 2011-05-05 03:45 pm (UTC)(link)
When I clicked on the link for the Starsky and Hutch vid, I went to a page with a list of many vids. Is that what was supposed to happen?

I am going to try not to talk to you about pre-Smallville Clark and Lex. :D But I have to say Smallville is less Clexy than the 1950s comics. "Bad Romance" includes source from the 1950s to the present day. I love that vid.
stewardess: (dc sv lex ring by like_cheap_wine)

[personal profile] stewardess 2011-05-05 04:51 pm (UTC)(link)
I wrote an unfinished fanfic work of 30,000 words based on the 50s comics with the summary, "Can Clark adapt to being a sex slave on Planet Lexor?" ^^

I need to post that on AO3! It's only at my LJ fic comm right now.

I think my favorite moment in the 50s comics is when Superman has to arrest Lex (again), but first Superman decides that what Lex really needs is a vacation, fulfilling Lex's dream to see all of America. So he picks up Lex in his arms and flies him around the country.
brownbetty: (Default)

[personal profile] brownbetty 2011-05-05 05:43 pm (UTC)(link)
… You're shitting me. Is there really a fifties comics that uses the phrase “sex slave”? I thought they tried to keep that stuff subtextual!
stewardess: (Default)

[personal profile] stewardess 2011-05-05 07:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Sex slave wasn't used, sorry. But Superman and Lex were together on a planet where: 1. Lex was the ruler 2. Superman lost his powers due to the red sun 3. Everyone wore harem pants.

Edit #1: the summary is for my fanfic. Edit #2: and the planet was called Lexor. ^^
Edited 2011-05-05 19:44 (UTC)
dragonfly: (WC pair of them)

[personal profile] dragonfly 2011-05-05 03:49 pm (UTC)(link)
Talitha's WC vid ... I can't even ... thank you.
brownbetty: (Default)

[personal profile] brownbetty 2011-05-05 05:43 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm pretty sure I laughed out loud at the exact same point you did. That's some good comic timing there. Neal's face is awesome.
threerings: (White Collar-black and white)

[personal profile] threerings 2011-05-06 02:08 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, yeah, I immediately knew that was the moment. And couldn't stop giggling for the whole rest of the vid. New favorite vid ever this week!
brownbetty: (Default)

[personal profile] brownbetty 2011-05-06 04:05 am (UTC)(link)
I can only describe his expression as “omgyay!”
melannen: Commander Valentine of Alpha Squad Seven, a red-haired female Nick Fury in space, smoking contemplatively (Default)

[personal profile] melannen 2011-05-05 03:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Have you encountered Total Eclipse of the Heart, the Starsky & Hutch slash epic that draws really heavily on that episode? (Including major appearances by Councilman Whitelaw, Sugar, the Green Parrot, and the pressure on the police force?) Everyone should read it.

(I hadn't actually watched the episode until you linked to it just now and hadn't realized just how much canon the fic was drawing on, which makes it even better, and I have to go re-read it now and look for all of that.)

...also, did you watch that episode all the way through? I've seen some moments where the subtext was thick, but the last two minutes of that episode? That may even beat out Boston Legal for obviousness. I may have to go watch more of this show (once I finally finish dS.)
melannen: Commander Valentine of Alpha Squad Seven, a red-haired female Nick Fury in space, smoking contemplatively (Default)

[personal profile] melannen 2011-05-05 04:56 pm (UTC)(link)
I got that fic rec'd to me years ago on a list of slashfic that actually dealt with glbt issues well; it is awesome old-school slash as well, and I re-read it every so often.

...I realized right after I posted this comment that I hadn't watched the vid yet! My only defense is that I kept closing the tab thinking it was still the episode clip instead.
giglet: (Default)

That's some Slashy Goodness you got there!

[personal profile] giglet 2011-05-05 04:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you!
brownbetty: (Default)

[personal profile] brownbetty 2011-05-05 05:35 pm (UTC)(link)
Man, that Starsky and Hutch episode clip… that's way less awful than I expect Very Special Episodes to be. I mean, it's basically painless!
greenygal: (Default)

[personal profile] greenygal 2011-05-05 06:45 pm (UTC)(link)
Not that Starsky and Hutch never did really painful Very Special Episodes, but mostly when they wanted to address an issue they didn't bother with the lectures and just got on with addressing how this sucks, and "Death in a Different Place" is one of their best.
greenygal: (Default)

[personal profile] greenygal 2011-05-05 07:40 pm (UTC)(link)
The first time I saw "Something To Talk About", it was at a con, and I turned to the person I was sitting next to and said "You could get a divorce on the strength of those pictures." This got much, much funnier when I got into the fandom proper and discovered the show's creator had had the idea of having Hutch's wife suing for divorce and naming Starsky for alienation of affection. No, I swear to god. (Hutch is the blond. Yes, he was married, and yes, it seems to have ended very very badly.)

That said, no, those aren't all the NHEM visuals in the show. That isn't even all the NHEM bits of those clips. Specifically, in the clip with Starsky with pie all over him, Hutch has just swiped a finger through the pie and then licked it. You know, as you do!
eveningblue: (Default)

[personal profile] eveningblue 2011-05-05 10:22 pm (UTC)(link)
There are entire NHE *episodes*, like "The Fix" or the one where Hutch's girlfriend turns out to be a prostitute.

Because I got into slash fandom through S&H, when I started reading in other fandoms I was confused. I didn't understand why people were saying so-and-so were such an obvious slash couple based on a look and a sigh. With S&H the slash was text, not subtext, so I was really, really spoiled.
paxpinnae: Inara Serra,being more awesome than you. (Default)

[personal profile] paxpinnae 2011-05-06 12:51 am (UTC)(link)
Um. Is there any sort of Slashiest Hits episode list for Starsky and Hutch? Because having just watched "Death in a Different Place," I would definitely be interested in seeing more.
sprat: Hutch in a doorway with a gun; caption reads "locked and loaded" (hutch)

[personal profile] sprat 2011-05-06 07:14 am (UTC)(link)
These ones might make a good place to start:

S1/5 - The Fix
S1/7 - Pariah
S1/14 - Shootout
S1/21 - A Coffin for Starsky

The whole series is really just one long love story, though. :D
eveningblue: (Default)

[personal profile] eveningblue 2011-05-06 11:07 am (UTC)(link)
I would add to sprat's list two from season 2:

"Gillian" (the one where Hutch's girlfriend is a prostitute")
and "Tap Dancing Her Way Back Into Your Heart" (the one with the dip and the hot dog)
greenygal: (Default)

[personal profile] greenygal 2011-05-07 11:27 pm (UTC)(link)
And I would include season three's "Satan's Witches", in which the boys go on vacation together, Hutch teases Starsky while wearing an apron, and Starsky gets Hutch in a clinch while wearing only long underwear.
greenygal: (Default)

[personal profile] greenygal 2011-05-07 04:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Amazingly slashy things in general? That no one has told you about yet? Um...you know, I'm not really familiar enough with the canon for most of the older slash fandoms to make their cases for them (and, I mean, you have a tag for The Professionals so I assume someone has mentioned it to you before).

Slashy things about S&H specifically? That no one has mentioned yet? (Yes, there are some.) Well, sure, if you want. *g*

It's a given that any situation where one partner was in serious trouble--and there was never a shortage of those--would be met with panic and frantic action (including disobeying direct orders if necessary) and often hugging and touching after the action was over. Starsky in particular did some very dramatic things to protect, and on one memorable occasion avenge, Hutch--but then Hutch is the one who dragged himself out of the hospital with a bullet wound when Starsky went missing one time. Less dramatically--they touch pretty much all the time; full-on hugs are generally saved for times of near-death and deep pain, but little, random touches, those are omnipresent. They double-date and vacation together and share each other's food without asking--basically anything they could be doing together, they are. The actors were good friends too--in fact the actors are still friends--and they're on record about how the chemistry between the characters made the show work. There's a particularly infamous quote attributed to Hutch's actor that the show is "a love story between two men who happen to be cops."

A few specific moments:

The Pilot--Okay, so technically neither time they get naked together is just because they felt like it, but it does mean that they're standing very close together wearing nothing but towels when Starsky demands to know who they can trust and Hutch responds "Same people we always trust. Us."

The Fix--The entire thing; The Fix, aka "love will get you through heroin withdrawal", is one of the classic h/c episodes. Sample pics

Snowstorm--Several older cops in the room, everyone else is decorously sitting or standing--Hutch is perched on the arm of Starsky's chair. And stealing his coffee.

Lady Blue--I think somebody already mentioned the part where Hutch calls Starsky's mother to find out what his favorite meal is and then fixes him a candlelit dinner, but I'm going to mention it again, and add that Starsky's reaction on seeing this is "should I leave before your date gets here?"

The Hostages--Starsky takes Hutch to a cafe, ostensibly to look in on a waitress he's got a thing for--but she could be excused for missing that, because the guys sit down at a completely empty counter so close there's no space between them.

Bounty Hunter--Hutch is watching a stripper and Starsky can't get his attention by calling his name, so he...blows in his ear instead. (This, too, made it into the credits.) Later, Hutch lies in order to get Starsky over to his place to share in the health food Hutch and his girlfriend are eating to load them up with energy before a weekend of sex. I don't think this was meant to indicate "wanna have a threesome?" but I have no idea how else to interpret it.

The Specialist--The guys actually do take a woman up on what they think is an offer to have a threesome, although it turns out she has something else in mind.

Survival--It's been established since the first episode that Starsky hates Hutch's car. This is because, objectively speaking, it's a piece of junk. But Hutch loves it, and so when it's destroyed Starsky buys him another one just like it. (Earlier in the episode, Starsky describes Hutch as "someone very, very, very close to me".)

The Plague--This is one of the heavy h/c stories, so basically the whole thing, but specifically I'm not sure about the number of heterosexual men who address their best friend as "you big blond beauty." ...okay, and because somebody will shoot me if I leave this moment out: Hutch is dying of the plague in an isolation room and Starsky has to leave him there to look for a cure, but before he goes he writes his name on the window in lipstick so Hutch can see it and know he's not alone. You've ever seen that image in a vid, that's the context.

A Body Worth Guarding--In the tag, Hutch's love interest challenges Starsky to arm wrestling. They're evenly matched until Hutch applies a little pressure--toppling Starsky right up against him. Of course it's the closing image.

Blindfold--In the course of the series and many love interests, Hutch tells exactly one woman he loves her, and that time was mostly in play (she's about to leave forever when he says it and he seems fine with that). Here he says it twice, dead serious, while trying to break Starsky out of a guilt trip.

Targets Without A Badge 1--Hutch decides to pitch his badge after an assignment gone bad. The sum total of Starsky's response: "Mind if I join you?"

Targets Without A Badge 2--Starsky and Hutch are competing for a woman's attention, and so Starsky procures symphony tickets to take her out on a date--three tickets, because he's taking Hutch along.

Targets Without A Badge 3--The guys are watching a porn movie, and Starsky comments that he could have been in this (long story). Hutch responds "Oh, Starsky, you are so much better looking than that guy."

Sweet Revenge--Starsky is shot in the chest and at one point in the ensuing drama his heart stops and they're about to stop trying to resuscitate him--until Hutch comes through the hospital doors at a dead run and Starsky's heart starts again. In the tag, Hutch comes into Starsky's hospital room and crawls into bed with him; when the supporting cast shows up, they don't even look surprised.
flamingoslim: kitten with pink feathers in mouth (Default)

re: slashy things about S&H

[personal profile] flamingoslim 2011-05-09 02:28 am (UTC)(link)
The "blond" actor, David Soul (Hutch) said more than once on major television talk shows, "Starsky & Hutch is a love story between two men who happen to be cops." The two actors became extremely close friends and even today will often say that they love each other. The depth of the show's relationship came out of the actor's close friendship.
eveningblue: (Default)

[personal profile] eveningblue 2011-05-05 09:42 pm (UTC)(link)
I think it's adorable that you called Hutch "Kenneth Hutch" and Starsky the "brown-haired guy." (It's Kenneth--or Ken--Hutchinson, just for the record.)
lauramcewan: Pencil portraits drawing of a nude Hutch embracing a nude Starsky from behind (SH Embrace)

[personal profile] lauramcewan 2011-05-08 07:43 pm (UTC)(link)
The not knowing 'who is who' in S&H is a common part of the scripts - there's a lot of "I'm Starksy - he's Hutch!" in the show, starting with the pilot!

They even riff off it in an undercover episode called "The Bait": "I'm Rafferty - he's O'Brien."
out_there: B-Day Present '05 (Default)

[personal profile] out_there 2011-05-06 03:41 am (UTC)(link)
And postinga set of recs like this... I like that about you.
lauramcewan: Pencil portraits drawing of a nude Hutch embracing a nude Starsky from behind (SH Embrace)

[personal profile] lauramcewan 2011-05-08 07:41 pm (UTC)(link)
*blushing hard* Thank you!
sc_fossil: (Behave by K)

[personal profile] sc_fossil 2011-05-08 09:30 pm (UTC)(link)
I can't tell you how happy it makes me seeing all the fun posts about the slashy goodness of my S&H boys. *g* And just think, every episode is already on DVD, ready to enjoy.

[identity profile] andygrrrl.livejournal.com 2011-05-05 03:58 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG. I just watched the Dante's Prayer vid, and just OMG. Wow. I was like, "Loreena McKennit and Star Trek? Zuh? This I gotta see." And it TOTALLY WORKS! It shouldn't, but it does! And I don't even like ST III, I never watch it, but I'm all verklempt now! Thanks so much for the rec.

[identity profile] thefourthvine.livejournal.com 2011-05-05 04:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Is it not amazing? I just, it's SO GOOD. It's so effortlessly good, too - like, I know it must have been hard, but she makes it look EASY.

Killa's incredible. And Dante's Prayer is, too.

*sniffle*

[identity profile] twinkelbelpeach.livejournal.com 2011-05-05 03:59 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG, these are so good I'm glad I'm not in public. Yes, that does mean that I have melted into a hot hormonal puddle. If I still smoked, I'd be lighting up about now.

[identity profile] thefourthvine.livejournal.com 2011-05-05 04:44 pm (UTC)(link)
That's what happens when you have this many NHEMs in one place!

[identity profile] dine.livejournal.com 2011-05-05 06:28 pm (UTC)(link)
why will no one believe me when I say I'm *totally* in it for the nuanced exploration of superheroism as a metaphor?

I'm loving your posts on NHEM - thanks to these, I've learned a lot, and been introduced to some amazing and astonishing clips. who knew there were so many slashers in Hollywood secretly subverting the heterosexual paradigm?

[identity profile] thefourthvine.livejournal.com 2011-05-06 04:02 am (UTC)(link)
why will no one believe me when I say I'm *totally* in it for the nuanced exploration of superheroism as a metaphor?

...Because we know you.

who knew there were so many slashers in Hollywood secretly subverting the heterosexual paradigm?

IT HAS BEEN A REVELATION. A really great revelation! Just, WOW. Slash, glorious slash!

[identity profile] y_ctrl.livejournal.com 2011-05-05 06:37 pm (UTC)(link)
this post <3 <3 <3

[identity profile] thefourthvine.livejournal.com 2011-05-06 04:03 am (UTC)(link)
<3 <3 <3 right back at you!

[identity profile] geeklite.livejournal.com 2011-05-05 08:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Michael Rosenbaum's Lex is second only to all incarnations of Spock as my favourite ever.