Why Aren't People Commenting on My Post/Story/Whatever?

[thefourthvine]

Sometimes you may say to yourself: all these people have me friended. And yet I posted a story (or a link, or four extremely compelling pictures of my cat, including one where she almost had a ribbon on her head) and many of them have not commented! You may wonder why. You may even be downcast in your wonderment and confusion.

Well, wonder no longer! I have been doing some careful research on this very topic, and I have all the answers.

• 15% of the people who have you friended have since left for greener fannish pastures, or perhaps for somewhere outside of fandom altogether (it's sad, but it happens; fannish scientists are working round the clock to discover a cure, except for the four hours they spent reading that Jack Harkness/Brian O'Conner epic last night). They no longer read your fandom-related posts. (Or, alternately, it's cats they don't like. My point is: whatever you posted doesn't interest them.)
  
  
• 15% were planning to get back to that post later. It's open! It's in a tab! Or it's in Read Later! Just...wow, busy, you know how it is. (Of course, if you're counting every comment and comparing it to a master list, maybe you don't know how it is. In that case you'll just have to trust me.)
  
  
• 10% of the people who have you friended think you're boring. (Sorry! Sometimes science means having to say the hard truths.) They scroll past you, or they filter you. Or maybe they think everyone they have friended is boring, and they don't read their friends list at all; their friending is just a social nicety. It would probably be better if you believed that last one. Yeah, this segment is the one we'll call "social niceties."
  
  
• 10% of the people who have you friended weren't reading the day you posted. Someone had horrible news and came home and went straight to bed with a dog and a hot water bottle. Someone has food poisoning and is puking too much to go near her computer. Someone is addicted to a flash game and can't click away until she beats level 77. Someone is in the South Pacific having a lot more fantastic sex than you ever have or ever will; she isn't thinking about you or fandom right now. (Okay, she's thinking, "I have to use that the next time I write Merlin/Arthur, or John/Rodney, or Bertie/Jeeves - ooo, yeah, Jeeves is probably mega-kinky." But she's not missing her friends list, is my point.)
  
  
• 10% only read you on a phone, or a netbook or internet tablet that's impossible to type on, or a Kindle, or in five minute snatches at work or between dragging kids to soccer or whatever. They love you, but they never do manage to get back to comment.
  
  
• 10% of the people who read you only lurk. They lurk everywhere. Maybe they can't type. Maybe they have tentacles and can't find a tentacle-ready keyboard. You don't know. And do you really want to risk displaying your prejudice against the betentacled?
  
  
• 5% of the people who read you are still pissed off about the comment you didn't reply to. You know the one. (You reply to every single comment you get, you say? Even the ones obviously from bots? Even the ones LJ forgets to notify you about? In that case, these people are sulking about an inadequate response you left them, where you missed the point or missed the question or failed to thank them or sounded snarky. You can't please everyone. Not even with an incredible facility at hitting "Reply.")
  
  
• 5% of the people who read you are still pissed off about that post you made. You know the one.
  
  
• 5% of the people who read you are pissed off that you didn't comment on one of their important posts. They're withholding sex - sorry, I meant comments - until you understand how important they are, and maybe send some flowers or something.
  
  
• 5% of the people who read you have broken internet connections right now. Fucking Comcast.
  
  
• 1% of the people who read you hurt their hands this morning.
  
  
• 1% of the people who read you currently have a broken spacebar.
  
  
• 1% of the people who read you are heavily medicated. Their loved ones have taken away their keyboards for everyone's safety.
  
  
• 1% of the people who read you are seriously undermedicated. Their loved ones have taken away their keyboards so they still have friends when the meds kick back in.
  
  
• 1% of the people who read you read you in bed, and a loved one has threatened to take away the keyboard if they type at night anymore.
  
  
• 1% of the people who read you are sockpuppets. They're only going to comment if they want sparkle pens.
  
  
• 1% of the people who read you are, in fact, commenting, but they're doing so by telepathy. If you're not getting the comments, well, obviously something is wrong with you. They can't be held responsible for that.
  
  
• 1% of the people who read you are aliens. They can't ever pass the prove-you're-human test, and for some reason they get the CAPTCHA every time. They are thinking of filing a lawsuit against LJ.
  
  
• 1% of the people who read you cannot comment for religious reasons.
  
  
• 1% of the people who read you haven't figured out that you have to hit the "Post comment" button in order to get the comment posted. They keep typing like it's an IM box, and nothing ever shows up, and they just do not know why. They've submitted several complaints to Support about this. (It's possible you didn't want to read their comments anyway.)

But wait, you say! That's everyone!

You're right. It is. So, hey, if you get any comments at all, you have beaten the odds. You must be really awesome and special. Can I friend you?

(P.S. I don't comment a lot, but I'm probably reading. And I'll repeat what I said in my info: I love all the comments I get, except the ones from the spambots who are cordially invited to DIE DIE DIE, but no one ever should feel obligated to comment here. I get the lurking, I really do.)

Comments

[xenacryst]

I ... was reading this last night on my iPod and had to put it down because the fanlet woke up and needed someone. And now I'm typing this on the iPod keyboard widget whilst eating breakfast...

[thefourthvine]

Kids are a whole special "why I can't comment" all by themselves! (And I say this as the person whose kid currently bursts into wails if she sits at the computer.)

[jadesfire]

I'll be able to comment on this genius post after I've taken my tablets and they let me have the keyboard back.

YES! THIS! SO VERY MUCH! AND HOW DO PEOPLE TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN UPPER AND LOWER CASE IN THOSE PROVE-YOU'RE-HUMAN TESTS ANYWAY??

[thefourthvine]

Don't ask me. The only thing that I know about prove-you're-human tests is that I, evidently, am not.

(Good luck with the tablets! I find the loved ones sometimes are not as speedy about returning the keyboard as one might wish.)

[midnightbex]

You don't know me, but someone in my delicious network saved this entry and I just have to say YES. THIS.

A lot of this pegged me pretty well (for instance I'm at work on my 5 minute break and having keyboard issues while being on an 'I'll comment on this later tab'). You're points are hilariously made and well done!

[thefourthvine]

Hi! And thank you!

And, yeah, I totally write from personal knowledge, here. I am the queen of not commenting.

[ithiliana.livejournal.com]

Here via link from friend over at LJ -- AWESOME piece!

And I can only bow in silent admiration at your clear command of quantitative data and statistical research!

And as somebody who has also published stuff in non-fanfic places: fandom is fantastic with the feedback!

[thefourthvine]

I haz statistics training! And I put it to use for the benefit of fandom. (Also sometimes I use it for evil. But we will not talk about that part.)

(And, yeah. I've published in non-fandom venues, and, wow. Fandom is unique in its huge amount of reader interaction and response.)

[loligo]

This list pwns so hard that I am willing to bash at my keyboard with my poor little tentacles to try to form a reply. *g*

[thefourthvine]

Awwww. Thank you. And I hear you. Tentacles are a major challenge to a fan. (Plus, the TOTAL OPPRESSION of people labeling all tentacle-fic as kink. INJUSTICE.)

(Is that Hawkgirl in your icon, btw?)

[lapillus]

Heee!

Although you have left out the vitally important category of the 5% who have gotten really vicious responses from other authors when they've left less than completely ecstatic feedback.

[thefourthvine]

Yeah. I also have gotten really a really vicious response from someone when I left glowingly ecstatic feedback and then did not immediately rec the story. (I never rec anything immediately. Mine are the oldest recs on the PLANET.) *sighs*

[wendelah1]

Here via cofax7. Man, I am such a newbie that I don't even know how to make people's journal names here. I don't even know how to find out. In fact, I can't even seem to comment here without logging in first (my login cookie gets lost, whatever the heck that means.)

What a great post. I really do have a broken space bar on my laptop, so I turned on the desktop to comment here. I also have arthritis in my hands and wrists so I try to minimize my keyboard time.

Sometimes, though, I just feel overwhelmed by what I've read, not so much with fic, which I analyze and write about frequently in a community I moderate on Live Journal, but people's real life stuff is hard. Someone is having trouble with depression or their father had a stroke or their daughter is using drugs again or whatever it is that life has thrown at them. If I know them well, it's a little bit easier, but if I don't, it is really hard to know how to comment. And yet, it is such a privilege to be present for people at these moments, I want to do right by them. I want to say the magic thing that will bring relief or show empathy or point them in a helpful direction. Sometimes I can and I do, and sometimes I'm just struck dumb.

[thefourthvine]

I believe you make user names by typing user name="name" (in brackets). I shall test it, because I've never tried it here! wendelah1.

Out of curiosity, what fic-analysis community do you moderate on LJ?

And, yeah, RL stuff is hard. When I had some RL tragedies a while ago, I actually spent some time thinking about what kind of comments felt best to me, so that I wouldn't feel so hopelessly tongue-tied in the face of other people's sadness. I learned that at least for me there was no magic thing to say - what helped most was just an expression of support or acknowledgment. Since then, I've gotten at least a little better at commenting on RL sadness posts, because I do feel like I know what to say.

Not that I recommend having an RL tragedy just to use this method, mind you.

[cordelia_v]

*laughs and laughs*

Several of these apply in my case. I'm going to link to this, if you don't mind. Too good not to share.

*wrestles keyboard back from loved one who's driven nuts by the sound of typing*

[thefourthvine]

Link at will! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

And, really, they should make silent keyboards for those loved ones who hate the sound of typing. I mean, it's not like we can not type! *shakes fist at the Keyboard Establishment*

[meri_oddities]

Sent here by cordelia_v and she's right again. Very, very true, all 100% of it. *g*

[thefourthvine]

Thank you! And also thank you for independently confirming my results. Fannish science isn't truly science unless it's reproducible!

[shocolate.livejournal.com]

Top hole - you have caught me on several of those!

[thefourthvine]

*g* Thank you! I've caught myself on quite a number of them, too.

[(Anonymous)]

*snerk*

Was lured by cordelia_v's pointer and decided to comment just to show that there's people who don't even have you friended, and are commenting nonetheless ;).

That said, I'm so totally not blaming most of your examples, and quite commiserate with most of them, but this underlined bit?

And yet I posted a story (or a link, or four extremely compelling pictures of my cat, including one where she almost had a ribbon on her head) and many of them have not commented!

Totally unforgivable!!!

(Kennahijja on LJ)

[thefourthvine]

Hi! (And thanks for signing this with your LJ name; I love to know who I'm talking to.)

Totally unforgivable!!!

I know! If people stop commenting on adorable cat pictures, then people might stop posting adorable cat pictures, and then the internet would stop! (It runs on cat pictures. You probably knew that, though.)

[amanuensis1.livejournal.com]

*laughs like mad* This is hilarious. I think I might be an alien myself.

[thefourthvine]

Awesome! We have an alien-fans support group. You just have to choose your limb affiliation group. (Nasal proboscis, tentacles, flagella, pseudopods, whatever.)

[(Anonymous)]

Hi,

am here via friends list. Thank you very much for this post! I laughed until I cried. Too many brilliant lines to quote back at you, or I would. Thanks again!

painless_j on LJ

[thefourthvine]

Hi! I'm glad I could make you laugh, and very glad you let me know I did. (Via actual typing. My telepathy receiving isn't working too well today.)

[beachlass.livejournal.com]

It took me 2 hours to type this with my tentacles, but I wanted you to know how much I loved it.

[thefourthvine]

*curled tentacle of solidarity*

Yay! I'm glad you liked it, and thanks for the tentacle effort!

[resonant]

Bwah!

I once broke down my own relationship to my flist thusly:

20%: Actual friends, or at least people I think of as fannish colleagues.

20%: People I have friended because I need to know the moment they publish a new story, but I don't really care very much about anything else they post.

5%: People I have friended because they write in an entertaining way about everyday life.

5%: People who used to share a fandom with me, but haven't posted anything I cared about in a year or more because now they're all into, like, knitting or something. But I live in hope.

1%: People who are hostile and unpleasant, but who also take it really personally if you unfriend them, so I just filter them out.

49%: People who I've forgotten who they are or why I friended them.

[thefourthvine]

Resonant! This is a very very very dangerous comment, for you know everyone who reads it will be thinking, "Which category do I fall into?"

I suppose one way to approach this would be to start posting exclusively about knitting, and then I would know. (Pattern recs! Stories about yarn! Pictures of the earthling wearing various finished products! Um...needle meta? I'm not sure what else there is to post about, actually.)

[scarlettgirl.livejournal.com]

Bwah!

Amusingly, I'm having internet issues (Fucking Fios), hurt may hand AND don't even HAVE a DW account. I think that officially makes this post the Sparkly Unicorn of all posts.

Well done!

[thefourthvine]

And yet you commented to me! I am extremely flattered. And I wish you well in your time of Fios and hand pain travail.

Thank you!

[chelletoo]

Spot on.

[thefourthvine]

Thank you!

[(Anonymous)]

ell oh ell. priceless.

[thefourthvine]

Thank you!

[ajat.livejournal.com]

XD XD XD Absolutely

- Champion lurker

XD XD

[thefourthvine]

Thank you! (And you have to watch out. I started as a champion lurker, and now I post, even. It just sucks you in.)

[(Anonymous)]

please try to keep the whole tentacles things quiet. we lurkers like to blend in because you know, we, er, lurk.

ps: if anyone needs a tentacle-ready keyboard, let me know- i can hook you up.

[thefourthvine]

Hey. I am LOUD and PROUD of my tentacles. We should not hide in the squidgy, sucker-filled closet anymore! We're here, we have tentacles, get used to it!

*raised tentacle of pride*

But I could totally use a tentacle-ready keyboard, yup. *hopes*

[(Anonymous)]

great!!!!

but where is a warning "NWS" :))))))))))))

10Q for the best beginning of work-day:)

[thefourthvine]

Yay! I'm glad you liked it, and that it made your work day start better!

[ariadneelda]

Hee! This is awesome. Hilarious and so very true! I'm so adding it to my memories. (Yay, first memory entry on DW!)

I would add this: You're not a native speaker and sometimes you just can't find the right words at once for some reason and you don't have the time to spend 10 minutes on trying to think how the hell you're going to word what you want to say. Erm. That's my main excuse anyway. :)

Here via painless_j at LJ.

[thefourthvine]

We have MEMORIES on DW? *is educated*

You're not a native speaker and sometimes you just can't find the right words at once for some reason and you don't have the time to spend 10 minutes on trying to think how the hell you're going to word what you want to say. Erm. That's my main excuse anyway.

True! But this is embarrassing for those of us who ARE native speakers and still can't find the right words. Which would be me. *shame*

[tzipwich]

The second one is totally me. I have five or six tabs open, waiting for me to write a comment....and then I have to restart the computer for whatever reason, and I never get back to them.

[thefourthvine]

Tabs: seductive, evil comment-betrayers. We should totally petition Firefox. Except not, because I would DIE WITHOUT MY TABS. *clings grimly*

[dancing_serpent]

*snicker* Was pointed to this post and found it terribly amusing. Actually, now I'm feeling a little bit better about both not commenting (which I did here, ups *g*) and not receiving comments.

[thefourthvine]

*g* Glad I could make you laugh, and feel better about the non-communication portion of our social networking extravaganza.

[lexin]

It's a constant surprise to me that after a plain spoken seven years on LJ, I haven't pissed off the entire world.

[thefourthvine]

The world apparently likes plain speaking!