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thefourthvine) wrote2010-01-21 06:31 pm
thefourthvine) wrote2010-01-21 06:31 pm
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Sex Really Is the Universal Fandom, Apparently
Best Beloved recently developed a desire to see a movie about a man with a disturbingly large moustache duking it out with a bald robot in a cowboy hat. Fortunately, there is a movie that meets this need. I was not judging this choice, but she still felt she had to defend it, and one point of her defense was that said movie was nominated for various awards.
This led, as was inevitable, to me browsing the IMDb for other nominees and winners of the Nebula for Best Script (given by your friends and mine, the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America). Which led me to discover that in 2000, the winner was The Sixth Sense, which beat out The Matrix, The Iron Giant, The Devil's Arithmetic, and a movie called Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2.
Let me just repeat that: Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2.
I read it out loud to Best Beloved, and she said, "Sounds like porn."
"It does," I said, "but why would they nominate porn for a screenwriting award?" (In my youth, I sat through several porn movies, and I tell you what: even if there had been a Nebula for Best Script That's at Least 50% "AAH!" and "OH GOD YES!" these movies still would not have won. Somewhere there is good porn, I'm guessing, but none of the guys I knew in high school or college knew about it.) So I checked. It is, in fact, porn. The plot keywords are Hardcore, Orgy, Second Part, Ejaculation, and Spaceship, which - wow, evocative. You can kind of see the story unfolding, can't you? In fact, I think I've read that story. Hmmm.
This obviously leaves me with a burning need to know what the hell is so special about Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2. (Also I'm wondering how it got a Nebula nomination, and what exactly the voting process there was, but that, I figure, is a story for a different time. I am betting massive quantities of wank were involved - and, um, not just the kind you do by yourself.) Has anyone out there actually seen this cinematic masterpiece? (Ask your friends! And your parents! And your teachers!) Is it the kind of gripping, brilliant work Ursula Le Guin would have produced if she had ever been inspired to write hardcore spaceship orgy porn? (Ursula! Call me! I have a pitch for you!) What makes it so much better than parts 1 and 3, which were not nominated? (I mean, part 1 apparently had a sex scene filmed in NASA's vomit comet, which shows enormous dedication on the part of the actors and whoever put up the money, but that didn’t make it worthy of consideration.)
I just. I yearn to know. And yet I doubt Netflix carries this undoubtedly excellent title, and also, I really, really don't want to watch it. But someone somewhere must have!
Or, alternatively - somewhere out there, there must be a person who watches a lot of het porn. There is a recapping job just crying out to be done here, person!
This led, as was inevitable, to me browsing the IMDb for other nominees and winners of the Nebula for Best Script (given by your friends and mine, the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America). Which led me to discover that in 2000, the winner was The Sixth Sense, which beat out The Matrix, The Iron Giant, The Devil's Arithmetic, and a movie called Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2.
Let me just repeat that: Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2.
I read it out loud to Best Beloved, and she said, "Sounds like porn."
"It does," I said, "but why would they nominate porn for a screenwriting award?" (In my youth, I sat through several porn movies, and I tell you what: even if there had been a Nebula for Best Script That's at Least 50% "AAH!" and "OH GOD YES!" these movies still would not have won. Somewhere there is good porn, I'm guessing, but none of the guys I knew in high school or college knew about it.) So I checked. It is, in fact, porn. The plot keywords are Hardcore, Orgy, Second Part, Ejaculation, and Spaceship, which - wow, evocative. You can kind of see the story unfolding, can't you? In fact, I think I've read that story. Hmmm.
This obviously leaves me with a burning need to know what the hell is so special about Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2. (Also I'm wondering how it got a Nebula nomination, and what exactly the voting process there was, but that, I figure, is a story for a different time. I am betting massive quantities of wank were involved - and, um, not just the kind you do by yourself.) Has anyone out there actually seen this cinematic masterpiece? (Ask your friends! And your parents! And your teachers!) Is it the kind of gripping, brilliant work Ursula Le Guin would have produced if she had ever been inspired to write hardcore spaceship orgy porn? (Ursula! Call me! I have a pitch for you!) What makes it so much better than parts 1 and 3, which were not nominated? (I mean, part 1 apparently had a sex scene filmed in NASA's vomit comet, which shows enormous dedication on the part of the actors and whoever put up the money, but that didn’t make it worthy of consideration.)
I just. I yearn to know. And yet I doubt Netflix carries this undoubtedly excellent title, and also, I really, really don't want to watch it. But someone somewhere must have!
Or, alternatively - somewhere out there, there must be a person who watches a lot of het porn. There is a recapping job just crying out to be done here, person!
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"What was once science fiction becomes fact in Private's astonishingly ambitious new production THE URANUS EXPERIMENT. With an estimated budget of $750,000, Private captures on camera the very first orgasm in zero gravity! Lifting the XXX ... Full Descriptiongenre (and viewers) to historic new heights! Two spacecraft- one American, the other Russian are launched simultaneously. Both believe they are on a common mission: to dock and travel together through space. Their ultimate desination is the seventh planet from the sun, Uranus. With an entire galaxy as their laboratory, the largely female Russian team's secret mission is to learn how the absence of gravity affects human sexuality: male sperm production and female reaction. Before reaching Uranus, an explosive zero-gravity orgy launches bodies and love juices to float gracefully around the space capsule. The historic sex scenes were shot in a special aircraft, flying into an altitude of 35,000 feet, then diving quickly and turning upward again. Precisely the technique used in APOLLO 13. Zero gravity is achieved for about 25-30 seconds and is repeated a couple of times in order to capture all the adventurous action. "
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love juices.
I must see this move. It sounds hilarious.
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Put up towels?
Velcroed towels on every surface?
Brought along Lysol?
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In other news: awesome, yet awful!