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thefourthvine) wrote2010-01-21 06:31 pm
thefourthvine) wrote2010-01-21 06:31 pm
Entry tags:
Sex Really Is the Universal Fandom, Apparently
Best Beloved recently developed a desire to see a movie about a man with a disturbingly large moustache duking it out with a bald robot in a cowboy hat. Fortunately, there is a movie that meets this need. I was not judging this choice, but she still felt she had to defend it, and one point of her defense was that said movie was nominated for various awards.
This led, as was inevitable, to me browsing the IMDb for other nominees and winners of the Nebula for Best Script (given by your friends and mine, the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America). Which led me to discover that in 2000, the winner was The Sixth Sense, which beat out The Matrix, The Iron Giant, The Devil's Arithmetic, and a movie called Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2.
Let me just repeat that: Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2.
I read it out loud to Best Beloved, and she said, "Sounds like porn."
"It does," I said, "but why would they nominate porn for a screenwriting award?" (In my youth, I sat through several porn movies, and I tell you what: even if there had been a Nebula for Best Script That's at Least 50% "AAH!" and "OH GOD YES!" these movies still would not have won. Somewhere there is good porn, I'm guessing, but none of the guys I knew in high school or college knew about it.) So I checked. It is, in fact, porn. The plot keywords are Hardcore, Orgy, Second Part, Ejaculation, and Spaceship, which - wow, evocative. You can kind of see the story unfolding, can't you? In fact, I think I've read that story. Hmmm.
This obviously leaves me with a burning need to know what the hell is so special about Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2. (Also I'm wondering how it got a Nebula nomination, and what exactly the voting process there was, but that, I figure, is a story for a different time. I am betting massive quantities of wank were involved - and, um, not just the kind you do by yourself.) Has anyone out there actually seen this cinematic masterpiece? (Ask your friends! And your parents! And your teachers!) Is it the kind of gripping, brilliant work Ursula Le Guin would have produced if she had ever been inspired to write hardcore spaceship orgy porn? (Ursula! Call me! I have a pitch for you!) What makes it so much better than parts 1 and 3, which were not nominated? (I mean, part 1 apparently had a sex scene filmed in NASA's vomit comet, which shows enormous dedication on the part of the actors and whoever put up the money, but that didn’t make it worthy of consideration.)
I just. I yearn to know. And yet I doubt Netflix carries this undoubtedly excellent title, and also, I really, really don't want to watch it. But someone somewhere must have!
Or, alternatively - somewhere out there, there must be a person who watches a lot of het porn. There is a recapping job just crying out to be done here, person!
This led, as was inevitable, to me browsing the IMDb for other nominees and winners of the Nebula for Best Script (given by your friends and mine, the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America). Which led me to discover that in 2000, the winner was The Sixth Sense, which beat out The Matrix, The Iron Giant, The Devil's Arithmetic, and a movie called Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2.
Let me just repeat that: Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2.
I read it out loud to Best Beloved, and she said, "Sounds like porn."
"It does," I said, "but why would they nominate porn for a screenwriting award?" (In my youth, I sat through several porn movies, and I tell you what: even if there had been a Nebula for Best Script That's at Least 50% "AAH!" and "OH GOD YES!" these movies still would not have won. Somewhere there is good porn, I'm guessing, but none of the guys I knew in high school or college knew about it.) So I checked. It is, in fact, porn. The plot keywords are Hardcore, Orgy, Second Part, Ejaculation, and Spaceship, which - wow, evocative. You can kind of see the story unfolding, can't you? In fact, I think I've read that story. Hmmm.
This obviously leaves me with a burning need to know what the hell is so special about Private Black Label 7: The Uranus Experiment 2. (Also I'm wondering how it got a Nebula nomination, and what exactly the voting process there was, but that, I figure, is a story for a different time. I am betting massive quantities of wank were involved - and, um, not just the kind you do by yourself.) Has anyone out there actually seen this cinematic masterpiece? (Ask your friends! And your parents! And your teachers!) Is it the kind of gripping, brilliant work Ursula Le Guin would have produced if she had ever been inspired to write hardcore spaceship orgy porn? (Ursula! Call me! I have a pitch for you!) What makes it so much better than parts 1 and 3, which were not nominated? (I mean, part 1 apparently had a sex scene filmed in NASA's vomit comet, which shows enormous dedication on the part of the actors and whoever put up the money, but that didn’t make it worthy of consideration.)
I just. I yearn to know. And yet I doubt Netflix carries this undoubtedly excellent title, and also, I really, really don't want to watch it. But someone somewhere must have!
Or, alternatively - somewhere out there, there must be a person who watches a lot of het porn. There is a recapping job just crying out to be done here, person!
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Jamie: "And the motion sickness medication stops Adam from getting it up."
Adam: "And also, how would any porn film have the budget to film in the vomit comet? I'm disappointing all our internet fans and calling this one busted, Jamie."
Jamie: "Busted. But it was fun while it lasted."
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(Also I am now even more tempted to download part6/1 to see that ZERO GRAVITY SEX SCENE. Somehow I feel that this should fall under necessary research for being a SF fan! Also, yes I totally found a torrent with Private Black Label Parts 1 to 56, why?)
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So I downloaded Part 1 (Part 6 of the overall series) because it promised me zero gravity sex! After having read about it in fic I was curious as to it could ever work at all! The answer is probably that you could work something out, but I didn't see it in this movie.
I didn't actually watch the whole movie, but skipped through it. My cursory impression is that it wasn't TOO bad, but it has kind of annoying music during most of the sex scened (though I hate music in porn). In one scene a girl sneaks into a sleeping guys room (at least I think he was sleeping?) and gave him a blowjob. Here the music (which otherwise was mostly "soothing/backgroundy" stuff was probaly meant to express tension and titillate or something. I just got the impression that something might explode (I suppose something did, ok lame joke, I know) or that she was going to suddely bite him (ouch).
But to the part we've all been waiting for:
It started with a shot of a girl in a spacesuit drinking some floating liquid (water?)for the obligatory "look floating bubbles" zero g image.
Then two girls in spacesuits floating next to each other, then one of them takes her jacket off (naked underneath of course).
Then the naked girl floats over a (clothed) guy and they basically end up in 69 position. We get some shots between her spead legs and his tounge (almost) touches her clit one or two times.
All of this is intercut with lots of sequences of gound control (NASA) who are watching everythng on a very big colour screen.
Then we get a shot of her sucking (now naked) guy's cock. This looks like it might actually be zero G then one of her floating over his face where I'm not sure and then,
they're fucking, but I really don't think this part still takes place on that plane. There are some shots of the woman that are supposed to look like she's floating but just look like she's sitting in front of a black backgroung moving her arms around slowly, which is what I suspect happened.
Then we get to the money shot which is shot from a really weird angle, probably so we can't tell that his spunk doesn't start floating.
AND we cut back to ground control where everybody is still staring at the screen, fascinated/fake shocked.
Overall it wasn't TOO badly done. They probably got what was doable out of it!
The way they intercut with ground control to stretch the sequence was kind of funny though. Though the person dreamily staring at the screen at the end looked about 16.
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(Anonymous) 2010-01-22 08:49 pm (UTC)(link)no subject