thefourthvine | Slashy Nominations 72: Nothing Is Secret Which Shall Not Be Made Manifest

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Slashy Nominations 72: Nothing Is Secret Which Shall Not Be Made Manifest

Do you trust me?

Well, OK. No, really, I don't blame you, and I'm not at all hurt. But do you trust me a little? Even a tiny bit? At least when it comes to fan fiction? Because I am about to ask you to take a link of faith, so to speak. The following stories have only one thing in common: they will be spoiled if you know the usual information (fandom, pairing, plot) before you read them. But they are really worth reading, and the surprise just makes it all the more delightful. So if you're willing to read blind, I think I can promise you some fun. And if you're not, well, your loss, toots. Nyah nyah nyah. (Yes, my parents did get an excellent return on all the years of alternative dispute resolution and assertive self-expression courses they paid for me to attend. Let this be a lesson to those of you with children: skip the therapy and just buy the sproutlings expensive entertainment gear. Escapism beats self-knowledge any day.)

Best FF That Goes a Long Way Toward Healing the Pain Caused by the Travesties Otherwise Known as Star Wars Episodes One and Two, AKA Star Wars: It Takes a Lot to Kill the Love, but By God, It Can Be Done, and I, George Lucas, Will Prove It: Just Names for Sides, by

daegaer. I think I can safely tell you that you'll need to have seen Star Wars to understand this one. I can also tell you it's a crossover. And it's completely changed the way I see one scene of the aforementioned movie, but that's fine, because it does the heart good to snicker at Luke Skywalker, Ultrawhiner Edition (Now with Extra Whine!). At least, it does my heart good. Which in no way changes the fact that Daegaer is an evil, evil writer; it just makes me love her for it. And I think that's it for the "fore-warned" aspect of things with this one.

Best FF That Makes the Owies Left by the Scary, Scary Badfic All Better: Something's Wrong, by Saya Senyum, I think her name is, aka

i_smile (I'm sure about that). And I feel I can tell you that it's Harry Potter, Ron Weasley/Harry Potter, because the author does, but don't let that lull you into feeling secure. This story is a subgenre I really wish we saw more often. It isn't a canon fix-it, it's a fan fiction fix-it; the story actually patches the holes in another, presumably much worse, story. Considering all the horrible FF out there, we could do with a lot more of this. Turns out there's no FF mistake that can't be reconciled by tilting one's head, squinting, and inverting the monitor. Well, provided one is the current receptacle of divine madness, as Saya Senyum (if that is her name) clearly was while writing this.

Best FF That Reveals What We Always Suspected of All Those Inuit Stories - i.e., That Fraser Is Making a Lot of Them Up: No Less Radiant, by

laurakaye. Due South. I can't tell you anything about this story, except that A Certain Person should not read it (although she probably will anyway, and I don't think she'll be sorry, exactly), and neither should Ardent (but she already knows that, I'm guessing). It isn't exactly of a piece with the rest of the nominations here, but I had to include it, because I want those of you unfamiliar with this story (assuming there are people unfamiliar with this story) to come to it the way I did: with no knowledge about it at all. Really, it works best this way. If you don't agree, feel free to leave a bitter comment. I will reply, even, because that will give me a chance to show off my icons.

Best FF That Proves That Sometimes Plagiarism Is Neither Theft Nor Homage, but Rather the Sign of a Brilliantly Deranged Mind: The Other Guide, by Francesca, aka

cesperanza. The Sentinel. Sort of. We began this set with a mutant crossover from a mind clearly warped out of true by over-exposure to fan fiction, and we end it the same way. This story comes from someone I used to regard as a sane, sober, and sensible individual. And then I found this story. Now I view her as extremely likely to go off into gales of slightly cracked giggles, much in the manner of a person who will soon don a mask and a tight, brightly-colored outfit and go head-to-head with Batman. (She'd be called Fangirl, of course. Her weapons would be TV trivia and the sonic squee, and her outfit would have a large heart with a LJ icon of her favorite pairing - I'm thinking Kowalski/Fraser - in the center. She'd taunt Batman by writing stories about his sexual exploits with nearly everyone in Gotham and posting it all on the internet, and she'd enhance her evil by emailing update notices to his secret email account and to all the Gotham newspapers. And in the last issue, she'd eventually be cornered by the ultimate weapon: Batlawyers.) So, yeah, I've pretty much gotten off the whole story topic, but that's OK, because I can't tell you anything about it anyway. Just read it.

-Afterword-

If any of these stories remains a mystery after you've read it, feel free to leave a plaintive query in the comments section. I will do what I can to clear things up. And, of course, I will show off my new icons, for which I thank

makesmewannadie, my own true wombat and long lost mystery relative, and

wanderlustlover, who makes gorgeous icons in such quantity that I suspect her (or maybe him) of being paid by LJ to force us all to buy the extra user picture slots.

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I had to read through "Just Names for Sides" twice to get it, but oh man is that thing funny. Thanks for the link.

You're more than welcome. I'm glad you liked it!

I love that Daegaer doesn't spell things out, so you do have to read it a couple times to get it, but it's so...so...wonderful.

I guess it would be more accurate to say I just plain love Daegaer.

I TRUST YOU, OTP!!!! *goes off to read everything*

I pimped your challenge, too. Because you are the best. ever. mystery. relative.

But what does escapism beat? Enquiring minds think you are missing text before your final parend in the intro....

and thanks for reminding me to re-up my icon space. Because once you have them, you must have more more more!

I know. It's a good thing they don't offer, say, 100 or 200 icon spaces, 'cause people would actually buy that. And most likely I would eventually become one of those people. It's best not to have the temptation.

(And this is in no way intended to discourage you from giving me more icons. I love getting icons from you; I chortle over each and every one.)

Arg! You would notice that in the, like, half-hour it took me to fix it. Ah, the pain of having a OTP that is as pedantic and editorial as oneself. But also the joy, because I know if I miss a mistake you'll find it.

Thank you for pimping the challenge. I'm surprised at how many people are falling for it. I mean, of course, signing up for it.

P.S. I am seriously loving this particular icon right now. It's...lovely. Would be one word. Also, I have an icon base to show you, 'cause I think it might make a decent Universal Fandom icon. Remind me.

Yes, give me icon base! Also for the Fight Bigotry: Hate Everyone or whatever that slogan was, I need the angry icon bases you have.

If you want different wording on this icon *points* I can do, too...just let me know.

Yes, give me icon base!

All your base are belong to us.

Sorry, couldn't resist. :-D

Hee! Ok, I do not now have, nor have I ever, nor will I ever have, a desire to read Star Wars fic, but that was a truly amusing read. And the particularly apt rec title certainly didn't hurt any. ;)

Ooh! A DS story I haven't read! Shiny.

*blinks out*

I dunno. I once reacted to the idea of Star Wars fic the same way I react to the idea of chicken pudding - by gagging and rushing from the room, basically. But I've actually read some good ones. Original trilogy only, though, and mostly for the desire to see Luke whine. (Whine, Luke, whine.)

Um. Hope the dS story was, you know, good for you. I'm kinda wary about rec'ing it without any warnings or comments, but I truly believe it is the only way. But I'm ready to be smacked if that was a bad idea.

No, no, good idea. I think knowing would haev spoiled the story for me - as with all of them. I especially like the Star Wars one, which I was dubious about, SW not being my thing. But it's so good.

Yay! I'm glad you approve of my choice to present these blind, because I felt sorta bad. I mean, why read a recs LJ if not to, you know, find out a wee bit about stories before you read them? So, good to hear that worked for you.

And I think we should all just accept that Daegaer could get us to read and like anything, in any fandom whatsoever. Not only could she get me into the SW, she could probably get me into a domestic discipline Johnny-in-a-dress SW/Smallville (teenage heroes-to-be screwing for a better tomorrow!) fic. She could probably get me to rec such a fic. I am so totally her slave.

Well, yours is the only recs journal I read, but I read it because I know that any story you link to is going to be good - I think I would follow blind links with no details whatsoever from your journal. Although then I wouldn't get to read your excellent reviews, so I don't know. You can do it, but please don't!

Oh, it was. Good for me, I mean. :D

I hatehatehate warnings for things like character death. It makes me brace for it, which spoils my nice emotional shock and following cathartic wallow.

Maybe I'm twisted, but warnings beyond genre, pairing, and explicitness-- those that give away plot, basically-- tend to annoy me. It often seems like cheating and reading the ending of a book before deciding whether to read the whole thing-- which kills the anticipation, and thus the reason for reading it in the first place. Plus, I can usually tell if a story's going to squick me after the first few paragraphs-- it's usually a sub-par writing talent rather than the actual story content.

*shrugs*

So, yeah. :)

Oh, it was. Good for me, I mean.

Yay! 'Cause what's good for you is good for me.

Maybe I'm twisted, but warnings beyond genre, pairing, and explicitness-- those that give away plot, basically-- tend to annoy me.

I can see this point of view, but I'm very much the opposite. Typically I want to know if there's going to be non-con, torture, character death, animal death, etc. (I agree that it's easy to tell in the first few paragraphs if the writing is going to suck, though I'd still love to be warned about that. But, unfortunately, that's one of those things you've got to find out for yourself.) I'm not just squicked but seriously distressed by all those things, so I'd much, much rather know in advance.

You, my friend, are a brave, brave reader. I am a cowardly reader. I need to go see the Wizard to get a FF heart.

Also: chicken pudding?!!

Do I dare ask?

I will only say that it is a real dish. I have a recipe for it and everything.

And there's also chicken ice cream, which is even more distressing than the pudding; it is manufactured by an actual company and is rumored to be sold in actual stores that are in no way reprimanded or punished or destroyed by tactical nuclear strike, as would happen in a more just universe.

But, really, it's better not to know some things, don't you agree?

So, I'm just going to spoil myself for all of Due South before I start. Strangely, this is usually the best way for me to start a fandom anway. Does Ray die in Due South?

Don't wanna spoil everyone else, so - ROT-13 (http://members.tripod.com/~BraunzGuy/rot13.htm):

Enl vf qrnq ng gur fgneg bs gur fgbel. Ur'f n tubfg, yvxr Senfre'f qnq.

(If you don't know how to decode ROT-13, click on the link and paste the above text into the first box, then click "rotate." The decoded text will appear in the other box.)

Watch as fanofall prepares to out herself as the BIGGEST GEEK EVER:

So, that code link there that you gave us. Is that random, or is it the same code each time? Because being able to read and write in a sooper-sekrit code like that might just come in handy...

It's the same encoding process each time.

ROT-13 is a simple and ancient code that was used a lot in the early days of Usenet. There were no handy little toys like spoiler tags, so those hardy pioneers established a spoiler encoding convention. ROT-13 just assigns a numerical value to each letter (a=1, z=26), then adds 13 to each one to get the encoded text (so a=n, z=m). (Sorry if that's not totally clear; it's late, and for such a simple concept it's hard to explain. Or I'm just having a slow day.) In other words, it ROTates each letter 13 places.

The (mildly) cool part of the code is that, because it rotates exactly 13 places, the second iteration of encoding actually decodes the text. That's why you can enter either text to be encoded or text to be decoded in that little tool I linked to; the thing just adds 13 no matter what.

So, to sum: it isn't random. It isn't very secret, either, unfortunately. But if you need to encode something against spoilers or what have you, ROT-13 is an easy way to go.

(And if you want a more, um, obscure code, I can make a couple of suggestions. Did you say geeky? Sure thing. No one here but us geeks.)

OOOO! So it would not be difficult at all to be able to read it without the super-sekrit decoder ring.

I love learning new languages....

I'd nearly forgotten about Just Names For Sides. Fun little story, that one.

Oh, it is so delightful.

Is that you in your icon?

Is anyone else having any difficulty getting the squidge.org host to, you know, load? Anyone? Just me? *sigh*

Me too. I guess the problem's not on my end.

Squidge has been going down (hee!) on and off for a while; I didn't post at all this weekend because Squidge was entirely out, so I couldn't access a lot of my links.

Don't go, Squidge! Stay with us! I believe in fairies!

Hallelujah! I'm not insane! YAY!

Someone has told you, haven't they, that your reviews are at least as entertaining as the stories you rec (and in some cases, more?) People always say, blah blah, you should write professionally but you should review professionally. I'd read a column if you wrote it, whether I was planning to read the actual books or not--and that's the sign of a good reviewer!

--Ces (thrown into a blast of her past; an Obsenad for fuck's sake! Most of you don't even know what that IS!)

*squirms with joy*

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am delighted you like my reviews that much. And I would kill to review pretty much anything professionally, but it is, alas, not to be. My professional writing is all really, really boring.

*more joyful squirming* Cesperanza likes my recs! *gleeful dance*

...an Obsenad for fuck's sake! Most of you don't even know what that IS!

Um. Me included. And I wonder every time I read this, though I sort of had a guess - something to do with Senad + ob, maybe? But an actual explanation would be very welcome.

Back on Senad (i.e. Sentinel Adult Discussion) if you made an off-topic post you had to apologize by posting an Obsenad, a short story or drabble. Sometimes if you were making an off topic post you'd just kind of integrate the post INTO your Obsenad, as in:

"Hey, Jim," Blair said, throwing his backpack onto the sofa. "You wouldn't want to do the Race for the Cure with me, would you?"

Jim didn't look up from his newspaper. "What am I curing?"

"Breast cancer."

At this, Jim did look up. "You've noticed I don't actually have breasts--"

"Actually, you do," Blair interrupted, then smirked. "All mammals do--"

"Not to speak of."

"You could get implants."

"Blair--" Jim was getting that "you're fucking with me" edge to his voice.

Blair crossed his arms. "Come on, don't be an asshole. Do the race."

etc. That sort of thing. Really, it was a brilliant way of either staying on topic or compensating for your lack of topic. However, sigh, now that apparently there ARE no topics anymore (thank you LJ!) it's a kind of fandom curiosity, like a dodo egg. *G*

God. For the first time, you've made me regret my lack of mailing list experience. (Well, slash mailing list experience. I have plenty of non-slash, non-FF lists in my past, complete with flame wars every second Tuesday, bank holiday, and gibbous moon, which is why I went the LJ route for FF.)

That's so cool. Obsenad!

I was spoiled for No Less Radiant by the hoo-ha going on on-list immediately after it was posted (with no warnings), but since I'm a big ol' freak for a well-written death story, I dove right in. The impact was still there at the reveal, but it was lessened, I think.

Now I must read it again ...

P.S. -- I love your reviews, too. Even when I don't read the fandom, I enjoy your review of the story. You have a good blend of the snarky and sincere.

Heh. And that's exactly why I posted it without warnings- because you really need to read it unspoiled. When I posted the sequels I used a warning that said something like "Sequel to No Less Radiant, which you REALLY REALLY REALLY need to read first."

I'm always glad when this story gets noticed, because I owe several much-cherished friendships to correspondence that arose out of the aforementioned hoo-ha. (waves up at Ces) *G*

And let me just third the comments on these reviews- I always read them, even if they're in fandoms I have no intention of reading, because they're so entertaining. So go you!

eeee! No Less Radiant

*wibble*

Gah. I remember the first time I read this I immediately scrolled back to the top of the page. "Wait, what???"

Sigh. As always, wonderful recs *g*

If any of these stories remains a mystery after you've read it, feel free to leave a plaintive query in the comments section.

I guess I will fess up that I think I'm missing something about Just Names for Size. What's the crossover?

Glad that you linked Something's Wrong - it was fun to read it again, even knowing...you know. My kind of fic!

Well, I knew that story could be a problem, because if you don't know the other fandom you'll be totally lost, and there's no way to make sure you do know it without ruining the whole thing. My apologies.

So, ROT-13 (http://members.tripod.com/~BraunzGuy/rot13.htm) (so that we don't acidentally spoil anyone else):

Gur bgure snaqbz vf Tbbq Bzraf, juvpu vf n snagnfgvp obbx ol Arvy Tnvzna naq Greel Cengpurgg. Vs lbh unira'g ernq vg, gur fgbel jba'g znxr n yvpx bs frafr. Fbeel!

(To decode that, just paste the above text into the first box on the link and click "rotate.")

Oh my god. 'Just Names For Sides'. I will never be able to watch Star Wars agaib without shouting "nsdfnsdasdgnbskflCROWLEY!" at the screen. And that's a hard sound to make.

*loves* I wasn't sure I got it, but then, he called him 'dear', and that is so Aziraphale.

Oh, Lord, I know. It's changed the movie for me, too. But at least when I next watch it I'll finish with my vocal cords intact. You, on the other hand, might want to have a surgical team on standby, because that is one hell of a challenging sound.

And I love how Daegaer tells us who they are without, you know, telling us. She's amazing.

(Um. Can I ask about your icon now? I've been really, really good and repressed the curiosity, but I'm not sure how much longer I can stand to do so.)

It's all in the throat. Well, that and not misplacing the umlauts.

She is amazing. I am continually in awe of stories that Tell You without actually coming right out and Telling You. Urgh, and the prize for worst sentence ever goes to...

Star Wars: It Takes a Lot to Kill the Love, but By God, It Can Be Done, and I, George Lucas, Will Prove It

It is positively obscene how funny I found this. Possibly because I was a big Star Wars fan, back in the day, but still, that doesn't excuse me cackling inanely over this for ten minutes. Either I've finally cracked or you are TOO HILARIOUS AND SNARKY FOR WORDS.

The icon is from

shoeboxproject, which is sort of like a fanfiction, but set up as flashbacks, with letters [and pictures!] and scenes and such. It is quite possibly the greatest thing ever, and I can only watch, helpless as it slowly takes hold of my life. This particular icon is from a set of valentines that Sirius wrote. 'E's a madman, that Sirius Black.

*hits self*

shoebox_project. Oi. This is what I get for replying to comments when I'm half awake.

...piping up from lurkerdom (well, a very busy 24 hours of frantic reading, anyway) to say thank you ever so much for your reccs. As cesperanza said - they're just as good as the fics themselves and I've been howling over the lovely turns of phrase at odd moments ever since a friend linked me to your journal (she got sick of giving me dS reccs and decided to turn me over to the professionals... )

Mostly, the point where you got me here was the SW fic rec - I nearly didn't click it, given that the aforementioned New Trilogy has burned me out so badly on SW that it's hard to take these days, but your recc was hilarious so I thought "the hell with it", did so, and now I can't beleive I've never run across this story before. So thank you very very much for introducing me to it (and a whole bunch of other cool fic.)

And, oh, my, that dS story in this lot of reccs. *heart clutches* Just... yeah.

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Slashy Nominations 72: Nothing Is Secret Which Shall Not Be Made Manifest

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