166: When Shall We Three Fuck Again?

[thefourthvine]

Recently, our household acquired a package of Pepperidge Farms Milano Cookies. Best Beloved read the package while I was eating the cookies (we have a fabulous division of labor in our household), and then sat bolt upright, totally riveted, and read me the following line of package text:

The perfect balance of two exquisite cookies embracing a layer of luxuriously rich, dark chocolate.

Given the general nature of the readership of this LJ, I think I can comfortably assume your mind went to the same place ours did. (Actually, I have a hard time imagining what kind of person wouldn't go to that place. A deceased person, perhaps?) The cookies - longing for each other, staring at each other, thinking, god, so beautiful, so smooth and oval and golden. And they want to touch, but they can't. They can't. They're only cookies; how can they ever meet, when a cruel manufacturer has placed them in separate storage locations? And then First Cookie meets Chocolate, and Chocolate rubs up against First Cookie, slides on top of her, and she's so hot, so silky, and she feels so damn good, and First Cookie is overwhelmed. And then - god, yes. Second Cookie is suddenly pressed against Chocolate's back, and First Cookie can feel Second Cookie, feel every move she makes through Chocolate's welcoming, supple, seductive body. First Cookie rubs helplessly against Chocolate, pressing close, closer, closest, and she feels Second Cookie pressing back, and Chocolate is moaning now, and First Cookie gasps, and...

I need not tell you that this ends with the three of them as a single family unit, together forever, wedded into a single, blissful confection, all the better and all the happier for being three in number and two in kind. (Until I eat them. Um. Yes, okay, I'm now feeling some guilt.)

In short: Milano cookies make a person's mind turn to threesomes.

(After Best Beloved found this gem, I conducted further packaging research. In another place, the package text says: "Embrace decadent cravings. Open... Taste... Delight." And "gratification guaranteed." Just so you know that this is not an isolated incident. Pepperidge Farm is apparently really in love with the "Our cookies are like sex! Only better!" angle. Porn writers, you may wish to apply for a job there. I know, like, 3,000 of you who could write brilliant cookie sex for them.)

The One That Proves That Sometimes, Panties Are Optional and Sunglasses Aren't. Angle of Vision, by Zoe Rayne, aka z_rayne, and libitina. Thoughtcrimes x Scanners II, Brendan Dean/David Kellum/Freya McAllister.

One of the many joys of being in a fandom with older actors is that they sometimes have a deeply fascinating back catalog of work. (Not that I, myself, ever watch this back catalog of work. I am not that strong. But it's joyous fun to read other people's reactions to fine masterworks such as Boa vs. Python and Family Album, even if - no, who am I kidding? Especially because - those reactions consist of capslocked flailings about giant plastic snakes and the tragedy of growing up gay in a Danielle Steel movie.) But, even though I love the back catalog effect (especially with Canadian actors, who apparently have to appear in a movie or TV show every 15 days or else the Canadian government will shoot their moms, and sometimes, when you have to act to save your mom, you make artistic compromises), I've never gotten all that far into the six degrees fandoms. See, my first real exposure to the six degrees fandom thing was via Hard Core Logo, which scarred me, because Joe Dick is, for all intents and purposes, a clone of a guy I dated in my unfortunate youth. And I had already read HCL porn when I found that out. Scarring, I tell you.

But. But. (And, yes, we're getting to the story now. Shhhh.) This story is awesome even though it is a six degrees crossover, and I have never seen any of the canons involved. (Here's what I know about the canons via fannish osmosis: Thoughtcrimes is about this guy who loves cough syrup straight from the bottle, and this girl who has visions, and together they fight crime. And Scanners II is about a guy named David, who is hot, and probably has psychic powers or something. He might fight crime. He might BE crime. Fandom is not, on this point, particularly revealing.) Why is it awesome? Well, there's a threesome involving two bodies, which is always a neat trick. But mostly, actually, I love it for the sense of character it gives me. It doesn't usually work to wander into a story, especially a shorter one, featuring three unfamiliar characters from two unfamiliar fandoms; my mind is just not that flexible. But this works, and I found myself quite liking the people involved, and actually seeing them as people, even if I had to double-check their names so as not to call the pairing Mind Powers Girl/Cough Syrup Guy/A Mysteriously Skilled Guy Named David.

The One That Demonstrates the Many Positive Ways in Which Porn Can Change Your Life. It's Our Anthem, People! The Unholy Trinity, by shrift. Samurai Champloo, Fuu/Jin/Mugen.

(Note: this is a timestamp meme story, so it's technically a sequel to The Wind Will Not Subside. However, you could read this story without reading that one. I'm just not sure why you'd want to; The Wind Will Not Subside is wonderful - and, oh, dear god, I initially mistyped that as "winderful," which is the kind of pun I'm pretty sure you do hard time in hell for.)

Okay, see, this story actually had me from the title. As in, I saw the title before I saw the pairing or the fandom, and I thought, grumpily, "If that's not a Samurai Champloo story, I'm not sure I even want to read it." And then, inexplicably, it was a Samurai Champloo story, and I squeaked and made undignified noises and settled down to read with a song in my heart. And the title of that song was "Fuu and Mugen and Jin Are So Going to Have Sex, Sex, Sex Now." (Yes, in the official version of the song, there is an unfortunate dance step that accompanies the "sex, sex, sex" part. Those of you who have done the Time Warp would probably recognize it.)

And indeed they do have sex, sex, sex [pelvic thrust] in this story. But, in fact, I think I like best the image of Fuu stealing Mugen's porn. And being inspired by it. Because if the motto of Samurai Champloo is "just because we're technically set in ancient Japan, that doesn't mean we can't have hip-hop if we want to," the motto of Samurai Champloo fan fiction should totally be, "This time, the porn's not just for Mugen."

Actually, that pretty much is my motto, and not just for Samurai Champloo, either. But, hey, that's a different story.

The One That Will Cause Me to Reveal a Dark Secret of My Past. No, Not That I Was a Vampire. Worse, Actually - I Played One. Saving Roll, by Kate Bolin, aka katemonkey. (Thanks, pearl_o!) Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Xander Harris/Anya Jenkins/Spike.

I. Okay. I have to make a confession here, and it's a little embarrassing, so just - you know. Be nice.

I was an AD&D geek. (You can tell, because I didn't write "D&D," I wrote "AD&D." That extra letter, when referring to the game, can be translated as, "Hello, I still have two giant bags of dice with side numbers ranging from 4 all the way up to 30" - yes, seriously, I have a thirty-sided die, which makes me a geek even by other role-playing gamer geeks' standards.) I played a lot of AD&D in college. I played a lot of role-playing games, just generally. I can create characters in twelve different systems. I can speak from the heart about my preference for certain skills systems over other certain skills systems. I can tell you humorous stories about various adventures that require a profound understanding of the alternate-rules third-edition system - wait, let me rephrase that, because I can sense your eyes glazing over from here: I can tell you humorous stories that will have you weeping with boredom.

(And you know the really funny thing? While I was obsessively creating player characters and collecting comic books and eating pizza for dinner all the time and spending 22 hours each day in various chat programs and just generally living the good life as defined by a 14-year-old boy who has not seen the sun in two years, I was comforting myself with, "Well. At least I'm not reading fan fiction." And now I think that, really, fan fiction is amazingly cool, but I'm kind of embarrassed that I need a whole closet just to hold my old RPG rules books. I - yeah. I am a study in contradictions, people! Admire my depths! Or laugh at me!)

Anyway. I had to tell you all that, not just because it's time to get it out in the open - defriend at will, and I'll understand; it's always hard when a person you thought you knew starts using terms like "percentile dice" and really meaning it - but because it explains my reaction to the framing device of this story. Which was basically a heart-clenching wave of love so intense that I very nearly started rooting around for my old DM screens. I mean, yes, I love alternate endings within a single story (and always have - I was a fan fiction lover born, not made, even if it took me a while to get here), and yes, the concept of Anya, Xander, and Spike having sex will always appeal to me more than it maybe should, but if you really want to get me dizzy with love, put in a d20.

Seriously. I am so in love that I have to go lie down for a bit.

The One That Shows That Cherry Blossoms Lead to Sex, Which Explains an Awful Lot About Both Yaoi Anime and the United States Federal Government, Two Concepts That Previously Had Not Been All That Connected in My Mind. Yoshino, by eretria and auburnnothenna. Stargate: Atlantis x Stargate: SG-1, Sam Carter/Rodney McKay/John Sheppard.

This story asks an important question that I think many of our characters could stand to put some thought into. Namely, if you save the world, don't you deserve a night of really hot sex? I realize that it would be impossible for some characters to have as many nights of hot sex as they've earned. They only have so much time and energy, after all. (Note: The foregoing does not apply to Captain Jack Harkness.) But one night after all the world-saving does not seem like too much to ask.

This is why this story makes me happy for John and Rodney, yes, but it really makes me happy for Sam. Sam, as we've learned from Brad Wright (via, at least in my case, katie_m, because I don't listen to commentaries on account of a tragic allergy), has a lot on her plate, what with saving the world and having breasts, and it means she just doesn't have time for hot sex all that often. Thank god fan fiction is there to pick up the slack.

And eretria and auburnnothenna didn't just pick up the slack; they created an entirely new rope with this one. (Okay, fine, I overworked the metaphor. I don't care. What good is a metaphor if you can't take it to a ludicrous conclusion?) It's a tough sell, at least for me, writing this particular threesome from Sam's perspective, and I love what Eretria and Auburn did and how they did it: Sam making the decision, Rodney going along with so much enthusiasm that you expect him to form a "Yay! Threesome!" fan club, and John requiring an intergalactic trip, two rounds of hot sex, and some light bondage to get a clue. (I love him. I really do. But I totally buy that it would take two brilliant minds working in tandem to get him to figure out something he doesn't want to know.)

Comments

[pearl-o.livejournal.com]

Kate Bolin = katemonkey.

Yay threesomes!

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Thank you! (I should have known that. How did I not know that?)

[http://users.livejournal.com/tesserae_/]

I love your recs beyond the telling of it (even for things I wouldn't read). This: But I totally buy that it would take two brilliant minds working in tandem to get him to figure out something he doesn't want to know. is just brilliant. As is the insight into the really big dice - see, I have learned something entirely new today, thanks to you!

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Although, um. In all honesty, I have to tell you that knowledge of the many kinds of dice has never come in handy for me. But, well, maybe it will for you. Somehow. *hopeful look*

(And, really, John's repression and denial skills are second to none. He is the king of determined ignorance!)

[chrissie-m.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've ever commented on your recs before, but I wanted to tell you that quite often, I enjoy reading your recs as much as, and in some cases even more than, the fics.

And I don't mean anything negative about the fics. Your recs are just that great.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Hi! And thank you! (Both for saying hello and for saying nice things about me.)

*beams delightedly*

[sdwolfpup.livejournal.com]

I can tell you humorous stories about various adventures that require a profound understanding of the alternate-rules third-edition system

I want to hear these! I could tell you about the time my barbarian (I can't believe they brought those back for 3rd edition) threw her two-handed sword at a magical disembodied head that was flying away and I rolled double 20s so she managed to impale it through the eye. Good times!

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

You know, the real tragedy was that when Best Beloved read this post, we began reminiscing about Campaigns of Old, and we both instantly went back to the one I ran where I had to fuck with the dice to keep my first-level party from getting killed by a deer. (They were, um. Spectacularly incompetent. Seriously, by the end of the night, they were hunting cows (actual quote: "And don't give us a healthy one, either! We want the lame and infirm!"), because the deer had totally bested them. And we had all hurt ourselves from laughing so hard.)

*sigh*

We are so uncool it's just amazing, but that's nothing compared to how uncool we used to be.

threw her two-handed sword at a magical disembodied head that was flying away and I rolled double 20s so she managed to impale it through the eye.

Once, our DM was running us through that ancient three-module set of published adventures - the ones about giants? Anyway, my druid managed to throw her hammer and take out the giant leader/king guy, thus kind of ruining the big climactic fight of the second module. (Between us, Best Beloved and I also ruined the first and third modules. This is when our DM came to the conclusion that no one planned sufficiently for the two of us who didn't actually know us, and stopped using published adventures.)

[misspamela.livejournal.com]

The cookies - longing for each other, staring at each other, thinking, god, so beautiful, so smooth and oval and golden. And they want to touch, but they can't. They can't. They're only cookies; how can they ever meet, when a cruel manufacturer has placed them in separate storage locations?

Have I mentioned that I love you? Because I do. Every time you post, it fills me with glee.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Awww. I love you, too. *hugs you in a wildly inappropriate manner*

[gwynevere1.livejournal.com]

We had a bag of Milano cookies in the kitchen, and (being a geek) I *had* to go and check . . . and OUR bag doesn't have any cookie porn on it. I feel gypped! It may be that it's a bag of Mini Milano cookies--and nothing is ever Mini in porn.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Okay, my first reaction to this comment was, predicatably: there are mini Milanos? Why don't I have a bag of those RIGHT THIS MINUTE?

But my second reaction is sadness that Pepperidge Farms should exclude you from the cookie porn fest simply because you prefer things, you know, small. We must write them a letter expressing our serious dismay at this oppression. Fight for our right to cookie porn!

[miss-porcupine.livejournal.com]

But it's joyous fun to read other people's reactions to fine masterworks such as Boa vs. Python and Family Album, even if - no, who am I kidding? Especially because - those reactions consist of capslocked flailings about giant plastic snakes and the tragedy of growing up gay in a Danielle Steel movie.) But, even though I love the back catalog effect (especially with Canadian actors, who apparently have to appear in a movie or TV show every 15 days or else the Canadian government will shoot their moms, and sometimes, when you have to act to save your mom, you make artistic compromises), I've never gotten all that far into the six degrees fandoms.

... Yes to both parts. I've never gotten into Six Degrees business (I'm not one of those people who can sit through Awesomely Stupid Movie just because Awesomely Hot Actor is in it), but the Back Catalog Effect (we can capitalize it, right?) is fantastic. Especially when you get whole essays on how nuanced the performances are and how you can totally see how Current Fandom Character developed through the forty (-five thousand, if they're Canadian) roles they've had in the past. (Or, you know, in the case of Joe Flanigan, it's the same character in different clothes and you just follow the evolution of The Hair.) And it always comes with picspam. Which means that you get the best part of the crappy movies without having to sit through the crappy movies.

I never did the role-playing thing, but my roommates did and I loved them for it. Not for the bizarre arguments leaking out from behind closed doors at two in the morning, but instead for the fact that they always had funny dice that I, the math major who needed to figure out how to rotate the group of vertices of a dodecahedron, could borrow.

Actual relevant comment: I'm glad Yoshino made the rec set. It's a fun take on the three characters -- they're grown ups, they know what they want (okay, so only two of them will admit it), and it's all-around good stuff.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

My favorite part of the Back Catalog Effect is the stunned posts when someone finds a movie that is so bad she cannot even believe it. When Boa vs. Python was making the rounds a while back, there were a few posts that were absolutely incoherent with confusion, because apparently watching that movie is kind of like ingesting a very large dose of one of your more aggressive hallucinogens. People would go off to watch it totally normal fans, and they'd come back broken women mumbling vaguely about snakes and t-shirts and oral sex. I loved it. (Once I was sure the affected fans would pull through, I mean.)

And it always comes with picspam.

*nods*

crimsonclad's Family Album picspam was MADE OF AWESOME. And it had the added advantage that I got the fun of mocking the movie without having to watch four hours of, um, you know. Danielle Steel's plotting and some seriously alarming costuming choices. (Schoolmarm at the Oscars. The Red Turtleneck of Gay and - am I just making this up, or was the RToG paired with a sparkly black vest? Oh, god. I'm going to have to go look at the picspam again.)

It's a fun take on the three characters -- they're grown ups, they know what they want (okay, so only two of them will admit it), and it's all-around good stuff.

*nods*

Yes, precisely. They're grown-ups! At least two of them! And the other one is, you know, also grown up, and he's probably gotten over at least a few of his hangups by now. I hope.

[jessikast]

I saw a video on you tube last night, and now I realise that it was a video of cookies and chocolate, made flesh.

It's here. And it's the music video that proves why Europe is so much cooler than the rest of us. And it's scorchingly hot. You may have already seen it, but I like pimping it because then I go to youtube to get the url, and I watch it again.

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Damn. I wish I spoke Spanish. But on the other hand, it's pretty self-explanatory! Thanks for the link.

::goes off to watch again::

[shayheyred.livejournal.com]

Oh, shrift's SamCham story is so fucking satisfying. And such satisfying fucking.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

*nods vigorously*

I second everything you said. Shrift has a natural way with Fuu and Mugen and Jin, and that way involves getting them to fuck. She is a wonder of the fannish world. My fannish world, anyway.

(Also, your icon. Hee.)

[deconcentrate.livejournal.com]

Since from what I hear SGA is going to be the John, Sam, and Rodney (in SPACE) Hour of Power v. shortly, it's only fair that I enjoy the hell out of the ungodly brilliant threesome fic this will inevitably spawn, right?

In other words: YES TO THAT LAST FIC. OH HELL YES.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

it's only fair that I enjoy the hell out of the ungodly brilliant threesome fic this will inevitably spawn, right?

Definitely. What is the point of having hot people in space if they don't have sex? Sex is what space is for. *nods firmly*

YES TO THAT LAST FIC. OH HELL YES.

I second this, and third it, and also nominate it for ratification and placement in the bylaws.

[giglet.livejournal.com]

I already knew that I loved you and your recs page. But then you had to go and throw a set of threesome recs to us! (And I love threesomes and moresomes, and yay!) And then! And then! You added dice! And you know, the chocolate cookie porn really helps, too.

Sister! I also owned a D30, until I gave it to a child in my family that has time for gaming. Which I no longer do.

My heart is overfull of fondness.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

OMG! A fellow d30 owner! (Emeritus, in your case, but it still counts.)

*embraces you in a spirit of geekly sisterhood*

*is overwhelmed with giglet love*

It's tragic how adulthood interferes with our ability to get our geek on, isn't it? I just no longer have the time for an all-night festival o' dice rolling. But our collection of RPG books is no longer stored in milk crate bookshelves, so there's an up side to this growing up thing.

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

love the back catalog effect (especially with Canadian actors, who apparently have to appear in a movie or TV show every 15 days or else the Canadian government will shoot their moms, and sometimes, when you have to act to save your mom, you make artistic compromises)

It's funny cause it's true!

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

*nods sadly*

I would totally start a campaign to rescue those poor Canadian actors (and their moms!), but I'm afraid fangirls would not be the best strike team for this. ("No, no, no! We're not MOLESTING them, we're SAVING them! Oh my god, no, you cannot take pictures of yourself here and post them online - we're on a top secret mission! And you! You put Callum Keith Rennie down this instant! Mother of god, where did his pants go?" It would be bedlam.)

[minim_calibre]

I want cookies. Smooth, buttery, chocolatey OT3 cookies...

DAMN YOU!

Mmm. Cookies.

I don't game these days, haven't since a pretty decent tabletop campaign of... shit, I think it was something White Wolf, back in '97. (A decade. Wow.)

But oh my stars and garters, I played a LOT of Shadowrun in my time. And let us not mention the LARPing. No. Let us not.

(One of my friends at work keeps some of his dice in his office. They're all very pretty, and I will occasionally paint my nails in honor of them. This is as close as I get to gaming now. It's kind of sad.)

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

I want cookies, too. (gwynevere1 called my attention to the existence of mini-Milanos, and even though they are porn-free, I waaaaaaant some.) OT3 tastes good in my mouth!

Um. That sounded bad. But you know what I mean.

I don't game these days, haven't since a pretty decent tabletop campaign of... shit, I think it was something White Wolf, back in '97. (A decade. Wow.)

Oh, sister. I hear you. I haven't gamed in forever. But the memories - oh, the memories, they will never die. (Unless someone kills me for relating various gaming stories yet AGAIN.)

And, OMG, you played Shadowrun! I didn't think anyone else but me, BB, and our gaming group had ever played that! *clings*

[spike21.livejournal.com]

this was totally one of your best rec posts for many reasons, not the least of which being your confession because ::deep breath:: I TOO WAS AN AD&D GEEK WHEN I WAS IN UNIVERSITY AND HAVE STORIES THAT WOULD MAKE YOU WEEP WITH BOREDOM.

Also I really liked both Thoughtcrimes http://spike21.livejournal.com/354769.html and Scanners II http://spike21.livejournal.com/355648.html . Freya doesn't have visions, she can hear thoughts and David Kellum is not a criminal, in fact he HEALS PUPPIES WITH HIS BRAIN!!! And I loved that fic that you recced. It is excellent.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

I TOO WAS AN AD&D GEEK WHEN I WAS IN UNIVERSITY AND HAVE STORIES THAT WOULD MAKE YOU WEEP WITH BOREDOM.

OMG TELL ME YOUR STORIES! DO NOT FORGET TO TELL ME WHAT EVERYONE ROLLED! AND WHAT LEVEL EVERYONE WAS! AND WHAT EQUIPMENT THEY HAD! I WILL LISTEN IN FASCINATION, I PROMISE!

*calms down slightly*

No, really, tell me. There's nothing that warms a geek's heart like hearing the confessions of a fellow geek.

Freya doesn't have visions, she can hear thoughts and David Kellum is not a criminal, in fact he HEALS PUPPIES WITH HIS BRAIN!!!

He HEALS PUPPIES. With his BRAIN. OMG. *swoons*

...

...

We are sorry. TFV has collapsed to the floor in some kind of ecstatic fit and will thus be unable to finish this comment.

oh god

[http://users.livejournal.com/_abulafia/]

I am in such a crazy Cillian Murphy headspace that I misread "The Wind Will Not Subside" as "The Wind That Shakes the Barley" on my first pass over this post.

Re: oh god

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey. Is it time for a fannish intervention? We care, and we're worried!

*loves you despite your Cillianist leanings*

[china_shop]

(especially with Canadian actors, who apparently have to appear in a movie or TV show every 15 days or else the Canadian government will shoot their moms, and sometimes, when you have to act to save your mom, you make artistic compromises)

*giggles* I love you!

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

I love you, too. (Oh, poor Callum. And his poor MOM. If he'd known what he was getting her into, he would have become a golf journalist!)

[cyanei.livejournal.com]

Want to hear something crazy? I can't read Stargate-related fanfiction anymore because Brad Wright is one of my best friends' dad, and so whenever I go over to her house I have to face him with porn in my head. It's terrible.

Also: you are too hilarious to be real ♥

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

*winces*

Yeah, that would be a challenge. (And it could so easily turn into bad daytime television, if that's not a redundancy. "I think about porn whenever I see my best friend's dad!" Seriously, you could sell this story. To, um, certain unsavory people. Yeah, probably better not.)

...Hey! You could totally do a search and replace on SG fan fiction. John becomes Apollo. Rodney becomes Midnighter. Elizabeth becomes Jenny Sparks. It would be awesome! ...Okay, maybe not. (For one thing, aliens make Apollo and Midnight have sex plots really are pretty much totally unnecessary, aren't they?)

Also: you are too hilarious to be real

Thank you! Although, actually, I am fairly sure I'm real. Like, 80% sure. Most days. (I'm not good at certainty, I'm afraid.)

<3 to you, too!

[dzurlady.livejournal.com]

For those of you who haven't seen Thoughtcrimes (or even heard of it):

Thoughtcrimes was hopefully to become a series and then didn't, but they made an intro movie thingy as part of the attempt and it stands well on its own.

The general idea is, a girl (Freya) starts hearing voices at her prom, and is institutionalised. Some time later a govt. funded group find her, and train her in her telepathy. She then starts helping the NSA (National Security Administration) with an investigation into a potential terrorist threat. The guy she's working with, Brendan Dean (JF) doesn't know she's a telepath.

The scene in which we meet him (and he meets Freya) is fucking adorable. It's not too spoilery, so I thought I'd share. :)
Here's a short version, with just their initial meeting: Brendan has a bad day (http://www.ambry.dreamhosters.com/Underground%20bunker/Thoughtcrimes%20-%20Brendan%20has%20a%20bad%20day.mp4) - .mpg, 6.4MB, right click save.
And here's an extended version, with their meeting and their interaction afterwards - this has Brendon singing the Scooby Doo themesong in his head, for those of you who have seen references to this in fic: Brendan meets Freya (http://www.ambry.dreamhosters.com/Underground%20bunker/Thoughtcrimes%20-%20Dean%20meets%20Freya.mp4) - .mpg, 15.2MB, right click save.

Small spoilery commentary on the clip: The moment when he chokes on the cough syrup? And then is all pissed off? Will never stop being adorable. Plus, him singing the Scooby Doo theme song is great. :) Sadly, even though he takes his shirt off, he's wearing a t-shirt underneath. Flanigan, you tease.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

I love you. But you are an evil, evil pimp - you know this, right? It's not a surprise to you, I wouldn't think.

I don't know if I can handle seeing actual Thoughtcrimes clips! It might be too much for me! But here you've provided them, and I might not be able to resist the temptation, and then where will I be?

*dithers*

Sadly, even though he takes his shirt off, he's wearing a t-shirt underneath. Flanigan, you tease.

He was just, you know. Saving himself! He's not Canadian, so his mom is safe, and he doesn't have to take his shirt off unless he just wants to. (This is why Hewlett takes his clothes off all the time, you realize. Every time a Canadian actor strips on camera, his mom gets a pudding cup with her dinner at the National Actor Parent Detention Centre. And if he shows his butt, his mom gets a morning off work.)

[seperis.livejournal.com]

Re Yoshino:

(I love him. I really do. But I totally buy that it would take two brilliant minds working in tandem to get him to figure out something he doesn't want to know.)

That is the most perfect summary of John *ever* in that story, which is one of the many reasons I love it.

Actually, that's a freakishly good summary of John's character in general.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Hi! You're back! And feeling better, I hope to god.

*hugs you*

Actually, that's a freakishly good summary of John's character in general.

*nods*

He shows how smart he is by routinely outsmarting himself. He's a complicated man. (I can hear Rodney explaining this to him now:

Rodney: But - everyone knows you're gay! Everyone!

John: Well, I don't know it, so I guess everyone is wrong. Wait, what do you mean everyone knows it? Have you been telling someone your crazy theories?

Rodney: First of all, Colonel, my theories are never crazy - well, except when they have to explain the craziness that is our life in Pegasus, but trust me, they're as sane as I can make them under the circumstances. And second, no, I didn't have to tell anyone about your obvious gayness, because that's what obvious means: no one has to be told! Everyone just knows!

John: McKay, I swear to god, if you tell anyone back on Atlantis anything that took place today, I will hunt you down like a dog. That goes for all of you. TELL NO ONE. ANYTHING.

[There is a thoughtful pause.]

Ronon: Seems like we'll have to mention the marriage, though. To Elizabeth, anyway.

Teyla, very seriously: But if you prefer, John, we will be happy to tell her that it was purely for diplomatic reasons, just as we have the last eleven times.

[There is a pause while Sheppard visibly represses and McKay strolls happily along.]

Ronon, whispering to McKay: So. Are you going to change your last name? Or is Sheppard?)

[dzurlady.livejournal.com]

Oh, and also? I loved Boa vs Python, it was hillarious. They must have known what a bad movie they were making and embraced it. (How else can you explain the purple subtitles (you know, the ones that tell you the time and place, like 'Whereever the hell it was, 12:00') that faded to pink?) It has bad slow-mo! Unconvincing special effects! Improbable action sequences! Good times, people, good times.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Oh my god. I would think you were kidding, except, well, it's a movie called Boa vs. Python, so obviously there's no depths to which it cannot sink.

Purple subtitles! <3!

[eretria.livejournal.com]

This is a beautiful, giddy making rec for which I thank you very, very much, but let's not for get that I didn't write this story alone. Wouldn't be fair to my lovely, talented and wonderful co-writer auburnnothenna.

But, now that the disclaimer is out of the way: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!! *dances a jig around you*

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Oops! I swear that the version of this I re-read when I was writing the rec didn't have Auburn's name on it, but possibly I am just BLIND. Thanks for telling me - I've fixed the rec, although there may be pronoun errors, still. (It's late. And, as we have already seen, I am not gifted with the seeing of things.)

*dances a jig around you*

*applauds* (I would join in, but - well. Me. Dancing. Not something you should be subjected to.)

[dessert-first.livejournal.com]

Cookie porn first thing in the morning? You have give my day a blissful start. Thank you.

if you save the world, don't you deserve a night of really hot sex?

Oh, definitely. Also, if you get up in the morning and brew your own coffee without tripping all over yourself, *and* pull together a decent breakfast? You deserve a night of really hot sex.

::waits for really hot sex::

::goes off to read threesome porn in the meantime::

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Yay bliss!

You deserve a night of really hot sex.

I totally agree. Managing to get up in the morning and not injure yourself is at least as challenging as saving the world, some days. Some days more so.

Hot sex for all! *waves magic wand and Makes It So*

[toft-froggy.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, I laughed so much at your cookiesex description, then I thought - you have read the John and Rodney get turned into baked goods then have sex (http://community.livejournal.com/sga_flashfic/230640.html) fic? Because it's really disturbingly hot. I love this fandom. Thanks for the Thoughtcrimes/Scanners II link! I'd missed that one. Mmm, genderfuck AND telepathy AND threesome, awesome.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, I laughed so much at your cookiesex description, then I thought - you have read the John and Rodney get turned into baked goods then have sex fic? Because it's really disturbingly hot.

I - you know I love you, right? So you will not take this the wrong way when I say oh, you evil woman. I had forgotten the baked goods porn until you linked to it. And now - now I must read it again.

I love this fandom.

Oh, me too. What other fandom routinely breaks my brain with such joy and enthusiasm? It is an awesome fandom, and the sheer wonderment of it - cookie transformation porn, oh my god - totally makes up for minor things, like me not being able to look at gingerbread ever ever again.

[vass]

"Well. At least I'm not reading fan fiction."

I did laugh out loud. At a pitch and volume which: if there had been dogs in the room, would have made them look up to see what was wrong. (I checked to see if I'd perturbed the rat, but she's used to me by now.)

I realize that it would be impossible for some characters to have as many nights of hot sex as they've earned. They only have so much time and energy, after all. (Note: The foregoing does not apply to Captain Jack Harkness.)

*snort* He does his best to make up for those other characters. (The term 'pick up the slack' has a few alternative meanings in this context.) I remember reading someone's fic once in which it turned out that Captain Jack was the personification of the Doctor's libido. It explained a lot.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Yes. I totally destined myself for this kind of fandom with my blithe, empty-headed dismissal of all fan fiction for years and years. You know those questions you get asked, like, "If you could meet yourself from five/ten/fifteen years ago, what would you say to her?" My honest response would have to be: "Nothing. I'd be laughing too hard to speak."

I checked to see if I'd perturbed the rat, but she's used to me by now.

It's amazing how blase our pets become over the years. My dogs are totally used to any strange sounds I might make; the most I get is a lazy inspection to see if maybe that particular squealing, shrieking, steam-whistle noise means I might want to give someone a treat pretty soon.

I remember reading someone's fic once in which it turned out that Captain Jack was the personification of the Doctor's libido.

Sort of like Gene Hunt being the personification of Sam Tyler's id? *nods* This makes much sense, although I'm starting to think that the geniuses of the BBC should maybe be spending less time in therapy.

[aurora]

I just love you(r posts) a lot!

(So much word on the awesomeness of crimsonclad's Family Album picspam. In my mind, UPS trucks are now forever associated with evil. *g*)

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

(And, yes, totally. UPS trucks destroy happy gay families! They are brown boxes of evil! And, seriously, I think of that every time I see them. crimsonclad has brought so much happiness into my life; I can only hope it wasn't at the cost of all her sanity.)