thefourthvine | Slashy Nominations 41: Once Again, We Are the Cynosure of All Eyes

It's time to celebrate public sex. Because, really, that's what FF is.

Well, the kind I tend to nominate, anyway.

Best FF Featuring a Clear Case of Sandwich Abuse: Party Aliens, by

daegaer. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Ford Prefect/Arthur Dent. In which we learn that some planets have office parties way more fun than ours. (Of course, Hitchhiker's Guide employees can flee to distant galaxies the next day. Probably how most new assignments get filled, actually.) OK, I'm just about the last person on Earth to recommend this story, but I had to add my voice to the multitudes. Because this - this is just so funny, and I love Arthur's sort of pathetic objections, and Ford's just so very Ford, and, well...just read it. And then thank

daegaer for having such a twisted mind, and

makesmewannadie for commissioning this, and

fan_the_vote for providing the venue. Heck, while you're at it, thank your mom, too. Why not?

Best FF That Really Ought to Be Called "Love's Bitch": Subtleties, by Anna S.,

eliade. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Spike/Xander. In which Xander learns to like vampires and Spike learns to make stir fry. Among other things. There's a special prize for the first person to find the public sex in this story, because I admit it's a small part of a relatively long story. But it's definitely in there, and I'm counting it. So there. And now that I've temporarily left the kindergarten playground mentality, let me add that I started this story and then left it. For about a week. Because I was thinking, "Spike as a rentboy. Xander as a rich man. Um, Anna? That's insane." But I was the insane one, doubting Anna could pull this off. And the kicker is that this story is just a compiled series of off-the-cuff LJ pieces. Really, it isn't fair how well certain people can write. Or, no, let me rephrase that: it isn't fair that they can't spend all their time writing.

Best FF That Leaves You Making a Mental Note to Attend More Black Tie Charity Events and Keep Your Eyes Peeled: Proof and Pudding, by Aristide (does anyone have a more complete link for her?). The Sentinel, Jim/Blair. In which Jim learns that Blair is willing to fight for the title of "Kinkiest Inhabitant of the Loft." Well, if there wasn't enough public sex for you in the previous story, this one should make you feel a lot better; what we've got here is an entirely public PWP. And, really, I think you'll agree we could all use a bit more of that. If you've ever wanted to see Jim and Blair engage in inappropriate activities while wearing tuxedos and attending the Policeman's Charity Ball, well, dearheart, prepare to spontaneously combust with joy. Or something.

Best FF That Leaves You Making a Mental Note to Attend More Religious Charity Events and Keep Your Eyes Peeled: Relief, by

kassrachel. Due South, Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski. In which Ray learns that Fraser cannot resist a dare. If "Proof and Pudding" didn't persuade you that there's something unexpectedly sexy about charity events, let me offer Exhibit B. Although, really, I think these must be alternate-universe charity events, because I've attended a street fair or two in my time, and usually the most interesting thing about them is that you get to see who actually buys those pictures of big-eyed children. (Exactly who you'd expect, usually.) The sexiest it gets is the standard boy/girl teenage couple licking each other's tonsils, and, really, that wasn't that sexy even when I was in the couple. So can I buy a couple tickets to the public sex Alternate Universe? I promise my charitable contributions will increase markedly.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, I'm more or less all about Spike/Xander by default. Reasons for said default?

1. Most of the authors I use to break into new and threatening fandoms seem to write S/X. As a result, it's the pairing I know best now.

2. Angel strikes me as sort of a gormless neanderthal. I mean, he's always moodily mooching around the sidelines. And it doesn't help that the man (well, vampire) is, like, 300 and dating a teenager. He hasn't even sussed out the rules of dating, for Christ's sake. He's had centuries! So I have a hard time imagining him in FF, though I'd love to read some really good Angel stuff. Lord knows there's room for character development there. (IMO, of course.)

3. I can't find much in the way of good, Oz-like Oz. Just judging by what I've seen, he seems to be a very challenging character to write. Plus, I don't know if he survives the whole series, though I really hope he does.

4. I can't find much good Giles. I'd happily read Giles, especially Giles/Ethan. And it's very hard for me to picture Giles doing anything with a student, barring, you know, a spell, a curse, that kind of thing.

But my favorite major male characters are probably, in order: Oz, Giles, Xander, Spike, Angel. (Did I leave anyone out?)

Oh, and I am - or rather, my Best Beloved is - on Season 3. Still. It takes forever to watch an entire TV series, we're finding. And I'm only watching two or three episodes a season! (I'm getting plot summaries on the rest. Because if it takes forever to watch an entire TV series, it takes several consecutive forevers to get me through one, given that it can take me up to two and a half hours to watch a single 45 minute show.)

Still, I think I've got a pretty good idea of at least some of what happens in the rest of the series. And I don't mind spoilers at all. In fact, I'm going to need some, because Best Beloved is refusing to buy seasons 5, 6, and 7 the way we did 1-4, and we can't get them from the library.

Oh, chickie, you have opened a box and you will reap the whirlwind!

I'm gonna reply to you via e-mail because this will be FOREVER long. :-)

Just call me Pandora; I like opening Big Boxes o' Trouble. My scythe and I are looking forward to reaping this particular batch.

Seriously, much as I'm growing to love Spike/Xander, I could really, really use some other pairings. Especially since there's some strange differences in the way Spike's portrayed in FF, and I can't figure out if that's a change that occurred during the series or if it's a fanon type of thing, and it's driving me nuts.

And am I wrong about Angel? Best Beloved assures me he was much more fun as Angelus, but as Angel he's totally for the birds; he's like Louis (of Lestat fame), only somehow less compelling. And if I'm right about Angel, does he get less gormless in Angel the Series?

Um, I can answer that if you tell me what gormless means. But judging from your description, sort of. Although not really. He just gets better support staff.

He was wicked fun as Angelus. The deal with Angel is that we really didn't get to see anything but tortured overhanging brow the first season, and then we had Angelus, so when he came back for the third season and he was re-souled but had spent 500 years in a hell dimension we really had nothing with which to compare that. And then he left. And Buffy went on to have what I consider to be their best season ever, even WITH Adam (which I will explain in the e-mail).

As for Spike and Xander, you have the best of both worlds: there is no canon, so you can't be spoiled, and they're cute boys. So yay. The Buffy/Spike stuff was best when it was written during seasons 4 and 5, when Spike had figured out how he felt, but they hadn't gotten together. It wasn't all twisted and stuff then. After that, if you're working with canon, it gets really dark and kinda icky. Other good pairings: Giles and Ethan (because that's about as close as you get to canon bisexuality) and, well, Giles and really anybody. No, I'm not fascinated by the tall strong British man, why do you ask?

My favorite het pairing in the Jossverse is Cordelia/Angel, but a) you haven't seen Angel and b) she's dead now, so that's not all that helpful to you.

I'll get to work on the rest of the synopses (which is a laugh, because that implies "summary", which in turn implies "short". Heh).

Okey-dokey. More recs:

32 Short Fics about Xander Harris (http://archive.shriftweb.org/archive/18/32short.html)

This story is archived at The Buffy Fiction Archive, which is an EXCELLENT resource for all your Buffy needs.

Also:

Joss Whedon's Pride and Prejudice (http://lifeamgood.com/01aprbuffy.html)

Enjoy!

Haven't gotten into JWP&P yet (takes a while with the long ones - you know, deep breaths, that kind of thing), but 32 was excellent. Thanks for the rec.

Um, why is Xander in Cleveland? Is that the author's thing, or does it really happen?

During season ...three, I think, Cordelia made a wish that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. Unfortunately, she wished it through a vengeance demon named Anyanka (she didn't know the girl was a vengeance demon at the time), and they got sucked into an alternate reality Sunnydale where Buffy never came, and Giles and some other people were left fending off all the vampires all by themselves.

Lots of people had been turned; Willow and Xander were both vampires, of the Order of Aurelius under the Master, and kept Angel (who still had his soul) as a pet (Vamp!Willow calls him "Puppy").

Cordelia knows this isn't right, and she tries to tell Giles, but gets killed by Anyanka before she can explain what she's done. Meanwhile, Giles has already called The Slayer (Buffy, but harder, with bad eyeliner, and a couple of scars) from the Cleveland Hellmouth to fight the Master and the other vampires, who have created a way to get fresh blood from people without having to do all that nasty biting work.

Fighting ensues, and lots of people die, get dusted, whatever, and the Master snaps Buffy's neck, just as Giles breaks Anyanka's amulet (the source of her power, they figured out). The alternate universe dissolves, and they're back in the regular Sunnydale. Anya becomes human (and starts dating Xander, eventually); Buffy's not dead, Vamp!Willow makes a later appearance, and Cleveland becomes a running joke for fanwank everywhere.

At the end of the series, they say "The hellmouth is finally closed" and Giles says "There's another one in Cleveland."

Slashy Nominations 41: Once Again, We Are the Cynosure of All Eyes

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