[Poll] Things That Are Normal

[thefourthvine]

Earlier this year, I posted about the LA Conscious Life Expo, which I hope to god someone is attending and liveblogging. (Someone not leading a conscious life, obviously, since those people will presumably be ascending and whatnot and thus not really reliable recorders.) And misspamela said, in response to my discussion of the free magazines available at our local diner (mostly on the themes of Cocks Are Awesome, Marijuana Is Awesome, and I Hear Shiny Lights in My Pancreas), "Oh, California."

I stared at that comment for quite a while before asking her what, precisely, was so California about that. I mean - these are normal magazines! Right? And after she wiped away the tears of laughter, she said, basically, that everything was. Apparently the free magazines out in her neck of the woods are on - the woods or something. I don't know. What do you write a free magazine about if it's not semi-hysterical political ranting, cocksucking, semi-legal drugs, or the way your consciousness is currently in orbit around Saturn? (Without the benefit of the cocksucking or the semi-legal drugs, I mean.)

Since then, I have spent a certain amount of time analyzing my experiences in that diner, asking myself if something that seems normal to me is actually normal, or just very California. (Always keeping in mind that there are very conservative areas of CA, too. I just don't live in one. Nor do I live in the most liberal area, I might just mention.) I mean, the free magazines within reach of a small child that feature Adam Lambert and mostly naked men in bondage gear pretending to go down on each other - normal? Or California normal? I don't know. I've lived here too long. I mean, obviously I find it normal - I let my kid carry around those magazines, and everyone in the diner, including the old people, thinks it's cute. (We go there not just because we like the food but because everyone likes the earthling.) No one has suggested he's going to be warped, not even by the one that simultaneously showcased men in bondage gear (bondage gear is something of a feature of this particular magazine) and Disney characters. But maybe that would be weird somewhere else. Hard to say.

Recently, at another visit to this diner (where I picked up a catalog of this year's Conscious Life Expo, and I tell you what: I yearn to attend this thing, because I want to know if these people make any more sense when they're speaking as opposed to writing), I overheard a conversation between four guys at a nearby table. These were middle-aged guys, maybe in their forties, of various races, and at least one of them was a blue collar worker (judging by an earlier conversation). It's always nice to hear what the other half thinks, hence the shameless eavesdropping. Their conversation turned, in short order, to two major news stories of the day. The first was gays in the military, and keep in mind as you read this that the guys were fairly obviously censoring their speech because of the presence of a small earthling who kept looking over to see what food they had. (If they had heard how one of his mothers talks, they might have been less concerned.)

Guy 1: You know, it's the emotional intimacy I worry about.
Guy 2: Hmmm?
Guy 1: In the Navy. You're out there on those boats for a long time. All packed in close together, doing stuff together. You can't tell me they won't get attached to each other. Involved.
Guy 3: Yeah. I see that.
Guy 4: Now, in combat.
Guy 1: Can't really see any problem there.
Guy 4: It's all crazy. They do it anyway.
Guy 1, nodding vigorously: It's really just the Navy I think is gonna have a problem. With the romance and so on. The rest of it, that's just normal.
Guy 4: Exactly. I mean, if you're gonna go to Afghanistan or Iraq, well...

(When I related this conversation to BB later on, she said, "So they're fine with blowjobs. They just don't want the people involved to like each other?" I was more interested in the part of the sentence Guy 4 elided. Is there any way to interpret that other than, "If you're going to Afghanistan or Iraq, you might as well suck some cock while you're there?")

A few minutes of fascinated listening later, the conversation moved on to some propositions on our latest ballot, one of which involves legalizing marijuana.

Guy 2: I've gotta vote to legalize.
Guy 3: They've done studies. You know, which is the most harmful: alcohol, pot, tobacco. And it's not pot, let me tell you.
Guy 1: If tobacco's legal, marijuana's gotta be.
Guy 4: Yeah. Can't really see it's an issue, there.

So I pondered this on the way home. Is it normal - like, everywhere normal - to have middle-aged men talking about what amounts to military slash (because they aren't really talking about the gay sex - they're talking about the emotional connection involved in the gay sex) and advocating the legalization of pot? Or is that just where I live?

Poll #4811 How we do it in California

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 308

View Respondents

What do you think about those conversations, between those guys?

View Answers

Normal for California.
247 (85.8%)

Normal for the entire US.
14 (4.9%)

Normal for Canada.
70 (24.3%)

Normal for Mexico.
1 (0.3%)

Normal for South America.
1 (0.3%)

Normal for Africa.
1 (0.3%)

Normal for Europe.
55 (19.1%)

Normal for Asia.
2 (0.7%)

Normal for Australia and NZ.
23 (8.0%)

Normal for Antarctica.
15 (5.2%)

Normal for somewhere not covered by these categories. Mars, for example.
56 (19.4%)

Not normal for anywhere. Those were just some weird dudes.
14 (4.9%)

If you overheard similar men having a discussion of gays in the military and the legalization of marijuana in the town where you live, you'd expect them to say:

View Answers

ROCK ON with the gays in the military and the legalization of marijuana!
60 (20.0%)

These are relatively acceptable things, with reservations.
100 (33.3%)

Not okay.
20 (6.7%)

God damn those liberal pink-ass commies, ruining our fine nation.
46 (15.3%)

I cannot imagine people who live here having a conversation like that.
46 (15.3%)

Locals are more nuanced than your restrictive poll options. To the comments!
28 (9.3%)

While we're on the topic, what are the free magazines in your area like?

View Answers

We Love Buttfucking Monthly
53 (17.5%)

Stoned off Our Asses and Lovin' It!
65 (21.5%)

GOD DAMN THE MOTHERFUCKING GOVERNMENT
94 (31.0%)

I Can Remotely Adjust Your Hypothalamus. Because the Aliens Showed Me How.
57 (18.8%)

Actual Real Reportage and Stuff, Just Like a Magazine You'd Pay Money For
108 (35.6%)

90% Classifieds and Personals
226 (74.6%)

We have other free magazines in my area. I will educate you in the comments.
65 (21.5%)

We don't have free print magazines where I am. You PAY for your dead trees in these parts.
32 (10.6%)

Comments

[teenygozer.livejournal.com]

Our freebies include the Metro (mostly AP stories), Stuff at Night (even the articles are adverts--they'll interview a bartender or a designer), and The Boston Phoenix (famous lefty-liberal paper).

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Can't forget the Improper Bostonian! (Well, one can, but it's so glossy and vapid.)

[shinealightonme]

My friend shot a short film in a cafe that sound eerily like the one you're describing. But, um, it's a California cafe, and the kind that lets students film on the premises for free, so, not exactly a representative sample there.

[florahart]

Normal for California from the bay area south, for the Willamette Valley in Oregon, and for much of the area more or less adjacent to the Sound in Washington. Eastern Or and Wa, not so much, and Northern Cali, also probably not so much. I think.

One of the local free papers features a sex column and a personals section not entirely unlike the casuals on craigslist. I don't very often pick up many others. I don't see much of the men in drag pretending to go down on one another type thing, but I mean, I don't go a whole lot of places.

Oh, but we do have an annual parade which features the Slug Queen, which is someone who has picked a name for hirself usually involving the word slug (like, Slugarella), and has created a costume which often involves a slug theme (and a tiara) (some years the slug queen is a guy in drag; no one seems to be under the impression that this is in any way related to anyone's sexuality--which, this is totally fair as it totally doesn't, but I expect that in some parts of the country comments and assumptions would be made). It's possible this means that the word normal cannot actually be applied to the behaviors and/or publications to be found here.

I love the conversation these men had, and I am so so amused their concern is the EMOTIONAL intimacy. Because as we all know, when one of your guys you've played cards with and sat with when he found out his baby was born and shared porn with and gone drinking with and and and...when one of them gets blown to bits (not for any good value of blow), that doesn't tear you up. Not at all. But if you add emotional intimacy, well shit. *facepalm* and this is why I sometimes find myself puzzled by institutions built by men.

[beck-liz.livejournal.com]

I love the conversation these men had, and I am so so amused their concern is the EMOTIONAL intimacy.

*snort* Yeah, this. Men are weird.

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Free 'zines around here:

Listings for local real estate -- way more sellers than buyers

Auto dealerships, mostly trying to unload Bubba's SUV

General purpose classified ads, mostly featuring Bubbs's ad: "Hey, y'all, wanna buy my bass boat?"

And something for seniors, with ads for doctors, cemetery plots and little articles cribbed from AARP...and despite the fact that it's aimed at seniors, it's still printed in nine-point type.

.

[beck-liz.livejournal.com]

That sounds pretty much exactly like the kind of stuff we get here. None of the really INTERESTING stuff TFV mentions, anyway. *pouts*

[syredronning.livejournal.com]

Gays in the German military were never officially forbidden, so...

Legalization of marijuana, that depends on the group you're hanging out with. I guess more people would be for legalizing alcohol _less_ :)

[penknife.livejournal.com]

Our free magazines are mostly aimed at a student audience (we have three large universities within commuting distance), and so run heavily to approving reviews of incomprehensible indie movies and bands that sound like industrial noise, disapproving reviews of movies that are actually popular, complaints that local government is dominated by the forces of darkness, and rants about how the local environment is being destroyed RIGHT NOW AS WE SPEAK, so everyone should sober up long enough to save a tree.

[joyce.livejournal.com]

I live in rural NC [eta, but close to non-rural NC. They generally aren't that far apart, around here].

Conversations about non-straight folks in the military are a crap shoot around here. It totally depends on who you get. It would not be surprising to have middle-age men being okay - at least, one some level - with gays in the military, but it would also not be odd for them to be holding a prayer meeting about it.

I am out in both of my workplaces, with no issues. Then again, I teach college. Then again, one place of work is a community college that largely draws on surrounding rural counties.

The pot conversation? I've had that conversation with everyone. I can remember the last time that I ran across someone that didn't favor decriminalization or legalization, or at least, was willing to say so.


North Carolina: solidly purple, with some red and blue ends, and we like it that way. :)

[eta: I forgot about the magazines. It all depends, but a lot of hunting and fishing, real estate, travel, and a solid dose of "women's" magazines, which are usually a hoot.]

[gnine.livejournal.com]

The pot conversation, as that one played out, I've heard quite a few places...the gay one...yeah, CA...well, and Boston/MA, as someone else said, but, well...yeah.

The whole Concision Life/Aliens thing, however, rather *screams* CA to me...

[hannahrorlove.livejournal.com]

I'm living in New York City right now, so I can get just about any sort of free magazine I want if I go to the right street corner - but having grown up in California, I've learned to walk right past most of the kiosks without doing any double-takes.

[jarrow.livejournal.com]

free magazines available at our local diner (mostly on the themes of Cocks Are Awesome, Marijuana Is Awesome, and I Hear Shiny Lights in My Pancreas

*chokes on my cereal*

[sienamystic.livejournal.com]

I want to read about the shiny lights in my pancreas!

I'm in Lincoln, Nebraska, state capitol and college town. We're smaller than Omaha, and probably a bit more liberal, although the state as a whole is pretty conservative. Omaha may have the Whole Foods, but we've got the crunchy organic co-op, the better farmer's market, and more cute coffeehouses and people grinding their own beans from responsible growers than you can shake a stick at. I wouldn't be shocked to overhear that conversation at a local coffeehouse, but I wouldn't be terribly shocked to hear the exact opposite either. We're also the home of Larry the Cable Guy, which is usually mentioned with a bit of an embarrassed shrug, but then he sells out a comedy show at the stadium within minutes, so who knows?

Our free papers are not nearly so woo-woo, though. Mostly real estate, Pennysaver type things, the student newspaper, and a random "women's interest" magazine that is mostly ads for shops and restaurants with the occasional article about chiropractic health thrown in for good measure.

[lucia-tanaka.livejournal.com]

I don't think men around here have ever in their lives said the phrase "emotional intimacy". And those conversations would not happen in Missouri. People Do Not Talk About the Gays, unless you are one. I mean, gays talk about being gay, but only in places they feel safe and among friends they know are also gay or GBLT-friendly. Otherwise, no.

Our magazines are about church, nature conservation, and guns.

[sillypuck.livejournal.com]

I'm also from Missouri, and I don't think it's entirely outside of the realm of possiblity for people to have such conversations in public. Of course, I'm from St. Louis (don't know if you are also, lucia_tanaka), which I guess is MO's most cosmopolitan city, and I also live in what is probably the most liberal area in St. Louis (Southside, WOO!), so I may be biased. Must also admit that I am a little AC/DC, but tend to only flaunt the DC in like-minded company, and so fly under the radar; that is, I have not tested my own hypothesis. Anyway, here we have available a. an ostensibly liberal, pseudo-underground free paper, b. a spooky woo-woo free paper, and c. lots of leaflets about the arts (especially movies). All of these things make excellent padding if you are planning on shipping an expensive book.
P.S. Miss, your icon is great.

[crimsonkitty88.livejournal.com]

Well I can't say I'm not biased. A lot. *cough*

[geeklite.livejournal.com]

Sounds normal to me! Of course, I'm in California too ;)

[adina-atl.livejournal.com]

The shiny lights in my pancreas and the marijuana is awesome magazines are probably available in Yellow Springs, but not elsewhere in the Dayton, Ohio area. The cock-is-awesome ones aren't anywhere around that I've seen, but I haven't checked the Oregon District, Dayton's most gay-friendly (if you're spending money) neighborhood.

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

What I want to know is if it normal to be reduced to helpless wheezing sounds like a hyena on nitrous after reading a TFV post, or if it's just me.

[elucreh.livejournal.com]

Yeah, no, DEFINITELY not just you

[suchthefangirl.livejournal.com]

I too, am in SoCal, but I live farther north then you. So we don't have the cool magazines. We are in a very waspish bedroom community. When you asked about free magazines, the one that came to mind first for me is a Jewish news paper, but I think that's mostly because I see it when I go to Noah's for bagels so it's speaking to its clientele. We also have a freebie that extols the virtue of our community, frequently with the photo of someone pretty or famous who lives here, filled with "what's happening" and adds for stuff.

As for the conversations. That depends on where you are. On the back of my car I have several bumperstickers. One says, "Real Women Read Comics" another is for Obama, and then there are three for gay marriage. I have had people give me the finger when they drove by me and I can only assume it was for the back of the car, since I wasn't even in the same lane on the freeway as them, so I don't think it was a comment on my driving. I have had one of the stickers removed from my car when I was in a store for a few minutes (friends came through and I was able to replace it. I have yet another as a spare. Despite the fact that it was a "NO on 8" sticker and the election long over). But once, once, I found a note written on the back of a receipt stuck under my windshield wipers. The note thanked me for my support. It made my day.

[peculiaritea.livejournal.com]

I would love to participate in this discussion with my own point of view, but I live in Los Angeles, so I'm really just as likely as you are to think all of this stuff is normal.

Now, having traveled extensively through bumfuck Utah and Wyoming, I can tell you with confidence that Our normal is not Their normal. At all. But, I mean, Utah and Wyoming? The most Mormon state in the union, and the home of the asswipes who strung Matthew Shepard up like a scarecrow on a fence and left him there to die? Probably not the best examples of non-California normal. But still, in terms of the gay and the pot, I think it's safe to assume those states would be really OMG NOT THE GAY THINK OF THE CHILDREN and also OMG NOT THE POT IT'S A GATEWAY DRUG THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

I just keep clinging to the knowledge that I personally know people in those states who do not have those opinions. But, um. Those people moved there from California. D:

[elucreh.livejournal.com]

I am from Utah and those are DEFINITELY NOT MY OPINIONS.

On the other hand, as soon as I finish my education I intend to flee the state as fast as my little legs will carry me.

[viridian.livejournal.com]

Oh my God. I want California free magazines! NYC had some weird ones but now I'm further upstate and it's all boring local nonsense. :(