[Poll] Things That Are Normal

[thefourthvine]

Earlier this year, I posted about the LA Conscious Life Expo, which I hope to god someone is attending and liveblogging. (Someone not leading a conscious life, obviously, since those people will presumably be ascending and whatnot and thus not really reliable recorders.) And misspamela said, in response to my discussion of the free magazines available at our local diner (mostly on the themes of Cocks Are Awesome, Marijuana Is Awesome, and I Hear Shiny Lights in My Pancreas), "Oh, California."

I stared at that comment for quite a while before asking her what, precisely, was so California about that. I mean - these are normal magazines! Right? And after she wiped away the tears of laughter, she said, basically, that everything was. Apparently the free magazines out in her neck of the woods are on - the woods or something. I don't know. What do you write a free magazine about if it's not semi-hysterical political ranting, cocksucking, semi-legal drugs, or the way your consciousness is currently in orbit around Saturn? (Without the benefit of the cocksucking or the semi-legal drugs, I mean.)

Since then, I have spent a certain amount of time analyzing my experiences in that diner, asking myself if something that seems normal to me is actually normal, or just very California. (Always keeping in mind that there are very conservative areas of CA, too. I just don't live in one. Nor do I live in the most liberal area, I might just mention.) I mean, the free magazines within reach of a small child that feature Adam Lambert and mostly naked men in bondage gear pretending to go down on each other - normal? Or California normal? I don't know. I've lived here too long. I mean, obviously I find it normal - I let my kid carry around those magazines, and everyone in the diner, including the old people, thinks it's cute. (We go there not just because we like the food but because everyone likes the earthling.) No one has suggested he's going to be warped, not even by the one that simultaneously showcased men in bondage gear (bondage gear is something of a feature of this particular magazine) and Disney characters. But maybe that would be weird somewhere else. Hard to say.

Recently, at another visit to this diner (where I picked up a catalog of this year's Conscious Life Expo, and I tell you what: I yearn to attend this thing, because I want to know if these people make any more sense when they're speaking as opposed to writing), I overheard a conversation between four guys at a nearby table. These were middle-aged guys, maybe in their forties, of various races, and at least one of them was a blue collar worker (judging by an earlier conversation). It's always nice to hear what the other half thinks, hence the shameless eavesdropping. Their conversation turned, in short order, to two major news stories of the day. The first was gays in the military, and keep in mind as you read this that the guys were fairly obviously censoring their speech because of the presence of a small earthling who kept looking over to see what food they had. (If they had heard how one of his mothers talks, they might have been less concerned.)

Guy 1: You know, it's the emotional intimacy I worry about.
Guy 2: Hmmm?
Guy 1: In the Navy. You're out there on those boats for a long time. All packed in close together, doing stuff together. You can't tell me they won't get attached to each other. Involved.
Guy 3: Yeah. I see that.
Guy 4: Now, in combat.
Guy 1: Can't really see any problem there.
Guy 4: It's all crazy. They do it anyway.
Guy 1, nodding vigorously: It's really just the Navy I think is gonna have a problem. With the romance and so on. The rest of it, that's just normal.
Guy 4: Exactly. I mean, if you're gonna go to Afghanistan or Iraq, well...

(When I related this conversation to BB later on, she said, "So they're fine with blowjobs. They just don't want the people involved to like each other?" I was more interested in the part of the sentence Guy 4 elided. Is there any way to interpret that other than, "If you're going to Afghanistan or Iraq, you might as well suck some cock while you're there?")

A few minutes of fascinated listening later, the conversation moved on to some propositions on our latest ballot, one of which involves legalizing marijuana.

Guy 2: I've gotta vote to legalize.
Guy 3: They've done studies. You know, which is the most harmful: alcohol, pot, tobacco. And it's not pot, let me tell you.
Guy 1: If tobacco's legal, marijuana's gotta be.
Guy 4: Yeah. Can't really see it's an issue, there.

So I pondered this on the way home. Is it normal - like, everywhere normal - to have middle-aged men talking about what amounts to military slash (because they aren't really talking about the gay sex - they're talking about the emotional connection involved in the gay sex) and advocating the legalization of pot? Or is that just where I live?

Poll #4811 How we do it in California

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 308

View Respondents

What do you think about those conversations, between those guys?

View Answers

Normal for California.
247 (85.8%)

Normal for the entire US.
14 (4.9%)

Normal for Canada.
70 (24.3%)

Normal for Mexico.
1 (0.3%)

Normal for South America.
1 (0.3%)

Normal for Africa.
1 (0.3%)

Normal for Europe.
55 (19.1%)

Normal for Asia.
2 (0.7%)

Normal for Australia and NZ.
23 (8.0%)

Normal for Antarctica.
15 (5.2%)

Normal for somewhere not covered by these categories. Mars, for example.
56 (19.4%)

Not normal for anywhere. Those were just some weird dudes.
14 (4.9%)

If you overheard similar men having a discussion of gays in the military and the legalization of marijuana in the town where you live, you'd expect them to say:

View Answers

ROCK ON with the gays in the military and the legalization of marijuana!
60 (20.0%)

These are relatively acceptable things, with reservations.
100 (33.3%)

Not okay.
20 (6.7%)

God damn those liberal pink-ass commies, ruining our fine nation.
46 (15.3%)

I cannot imagine people who live here having a conversation like that.
46 (15.3%)

Locals are more nuanced than your restrictive poll options. To the comments!
28 (9.3%)

While we're on the topic, what are the free magazines in your area like?

View Answers

We Love Buttfucking Monthly
53 (17.5%)

Stoned off Our Asses and Lovin' It!
65 (21.5%)

GOD DAMN THE MOTHERFUCKING GOVERNMENT
94 (31.0%)

I Can Remotely Adjust Your Hypothalamus. Because the Aliens Showed Me How.
57 (18.8%)

Actual Real Reportage and Stuff, Just Like a Magazine You'd Pay Money For
108 (35.6%)

90% Classifieds and Personals
226 (74.6%)

We have other free magazines in my area. I will educate you in the comments.
65 (21.5%)

We don't have free print magazines where I am. You PAY for your dead trees in these parts.
32 (10.6%)

Comments

[abyssinia]

Before you vote, just be warned that marijuana legalization will affect the content of said magazines! When they legalized medical marijuana here (my town now has enough MMJ dispensaries to, well, keep all of us high forever. Something ridiculous like one for every hundred people) suddenly instead of pages and pages of sex ads in the back of the free newspapers we have pages and pages of MMJ ads.

I am honestly not sure if this is an improvement or not.

[blackletter]

But on the up side, the prop, if it passes, will be one of the best things to happen for Sequoia National Park in *years*! 'Cause we spend millions of dollars combating illegal pot agriculture in the park. Because the pot plots, in addition to being illegal, are *horrible* for the ecosystem and dangerous for hikers and employees since the growers are given shotguns and told to defend the grove with their life.

[msilverstar]

My first thought too!

Well, second. My first thought was: ohthankgoodness we can stop putting people in prison for possession!

[abyssinia]

...wow. That makes me sad for the park!

I have absolutely no problem with the medical marijuana industry here (except for the part where they may as well just legalize it period, given how ridiculously easy it is to get a prescription) but it's still a bit surreal to walk past all the shops and MMJ parlors, happily and openly advertising their wares.

[thefourthvine]

Oh, we have legal medical marijuana already - I mean, most of those publications are FOR medical marijuana, at least in theory. And we have so many dispensaries that there was this whole THING in our city council, where they decided to have a lottery to determine which ones could stay open, and you had to pay to be in the lottery, and I'm still not sure if that ever went down because of all the protests. Now we're working on legal marijuana, even for people who are the shining picture of health.

But I'm pleased to say we still have the sex ads. We just have the dispensary ads alongside them. Our local sex seekers cannot be kept down by the MMJ people! Really, it makes me proud.