I am up for auction! Okay, my work is.

[thefourthvine]

I am up for auction at help_japan. This is one of those "Who knows if anyone will want this, but, hey, someone might!" type auctions, because what I am offering is: a review.

Yes! If you were looking for a bewildered review by someone who probably knows absolutely nothing about your fandom and may not be able to identify any of the characters by the end, never mind at the beginning, I am here for you. I will review any English-language (English subtitles also acceptable), Netflixable (if it will be Netflixable eventually, and you're willing to wait, that's fine) movie or TV episode you choose. I am not expecting kindness, either. I will totally watch Spock's Brain for charity.

Things to note: Whatever you pick for me can't have child death or animal harm in it. (It is okay if they're endangered, as long as it is clear they're fine in the end. And if it's just a tiny thing in an otherwise safe movie or episode - horses die in battle or whatever - I will deal.) Also, I can totally promise to write a review about whatever you want me to watch, but I can't promise to like it. I might! But I might not. And in any case I will almost certainly be poking fun at whatever it is. (See the TOS review below - I really do love TOS. But that doesn't mean I'm always nice to it.) Just something to keep in mind.

Some of my previous reviews, so you can decide if this is something you might wish to spend your charity donation currency unit of choice on: Anchors Aweigh, Star Trek TOS: Journey to Babel, and, as a total blast from the past, The Fast and the Furious.

If this sounds like your cup of tea, YAY! Bid at my thread.

ETA: K-drama partisans may wish to read the DW comments!

Comments

[sassbandit]

Oh, I *so* want to make you watch Sharpe :P

[thefourthvine]

And you can! Bid, and your will be done! Although, I'm just warning you: it's a hat fandom, right? I'm not going to be able to tell anyone from anyone else. BUT I WILL WATCH IT ANYWAY!

[blueraccoon]

I have bid on this thread, however due to diminishing finances and such may not win. If I don't win, what do I have to do to get you to write a review for me anyway? :)

[thefourthvine]

Um, make very persuasive suggestions? I have no idea! It never occurred to me that this would be a thing someone actually might want.

[paxpinnae]

Okay. Based on the first ten minutes of bidding, there's no way I'm going to be able to afford this on my own, but does anyone want to pool resources on getting a review of a k-drama?

[dormouse-in-tea.livejournal.com]

TEMPTING.

Which one were you thinking of?

[jamethiel]

Oh, in case you aren't tracking this thread, I'll chip in for Coffee Prince with $40 US.

[odditycollector]

If I had more disposable income right now, I'd be trying to force you to watch the sexbots and cupcakes show. And giggling a lot. (It is... pretty bad.)

[thefourthvine]

Sexbots. And cupcakes. What show IS this? Because, um, wow, that's two things I never expected to see together.

[out_there]

While this probably sounds like something no-one would want, I immediately read and thought, "That would be awesome. Totally awesome."

But on the other hand, money. But on the really awesome third hand, at least I'll still get to read the awesome review of whatever-it-is.

[thefourthvine]

I encourage you to GO FOR IT. I promise to write you many words of bewildered incoherence!

(And, truly, it does indeed sound to me like something no one would want. But people have bid! For which I am grateful. Very, very grateful. Also a little fearful, because - oh my god, what would someone PAY to have me watch?)

[quinfirefrorefiddle]

My job just ended today, and I needed to donate a chunk of my last paycheck to charity (yes, required) and I don't have another job lined up- and I'm not *supposed* to feel resentful about donating, but I was.

And now? If it wins an "Empath" review? Well, that may make me smile while applying for jobs that are so ridiculously below my paygrade that I'm actually moving in with my dad for an indefinite amount of time.

Awesome.

[thefourthvine]

How can they make you donate a chunk of your paycheck? Isn't it supposed to be, you know, voluntary? *eyes them*

You totally deserve an Empath review, I tell you what.

[malnpudl]

OMG, "Empath"! The emotional!porn of my early adolescence. Talk about your defining moments. :-D

*cheers for you to win*

[judas_river]

I wonder if anyone else would be willing to chip in for an "Empath" or other TOS episode review, like the k-drama fans are doing? I know I'd be willing to throw $20 in the pot. May as well make it a proper bidding war, right? ;)

[gwyn]

Oh, dude, I got all excited there for a second and thought you might be offering to review one of our fics! (Or vids!) Not that I would not totally love to hear your take on, say, Prison Break or something, which could be fucking high-larious.

[pineapplechild]

Randomly, the dude in your icon is being viewed from above against a wall, correct? I spent a good five minutes trying to figure out how he was doing a fingertip push up in that position.

[paceus]

I read the first paragraph and thought you were offering to read a fic in my fandom. 8D Then I realised that I got that wrong, and anyway, I think at the moment our tastes are incompatible. (RPS.)

And even then I entertained the idea of you watching a documentary about my idols! This offer is irresistible. *g* I hope you end up reviewing something amazing! And sharing with everyone. :)

[dramaturgca.livejournal.com]

Bid!

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

YAY!

[malnpudl.livejournal.com]

Can it be a pair of episodes? A two-parter, or two separate but closely related eps?

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

...That depends. Are you thinking Victoria's Secret? Because [SPOILER], and that is one of the many reasons I have never watched it.

But, hmmm. If the two eps are closely linked, and together they add up to no more than three hours, and they both meet all the listed criteria, I don't see why not!

[stasia]

OMG, I hadn't read your review of TFATF and it's hilarious. True, all too true, and very very funny.

(Oh, and the Earthling wears size 7 shoes. I think. Am I right?)

I wish I had something for you to review, so I could bid on you. So to speak.

Stasia

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

6.5, which rounds up to seven! (I sent you a comment on another thread about this, but I have no idea WHERE anymore. Organization has not been our strong suit in this household lately. I only managed to get him shoes on FRIDAY.)

Bid on me! You could make me watch Fast and Furious! (Yes, I am shameless, but I am shameless for charity. That makes it okay, right?)

[cranberryink.livejournal.com]

Your TFATF review was my faaaaaaaaavorite!

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

And that is why I linked it! No, really, I thought, "Well, Berry STILL really likes that review, so perhaps it will inspire someone!"

[nessreader.livejournal.com]

2 things.

Yay! I want to bid for another TOS review because I loved your takes on that (and hadn't really considered what a twit canon!Amanda was for years as she's been totally retconned by fandom and fanzines, but I digress) Will go post-haste to your thread to do a bid,
BUT,
how will whoever's winning bid go over to your charity of choice? Will paypal work? And then forward the e-reciept? (I know, cart before horse, but just checking. It would be embarrassing to win and then feck up compliance.)

2nd thing. Have just read book review on amazon.co.uk that brought you to mind for some strange reason. Actually, came to your blog to do linky. (http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/0696004917/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1)


edit cos had been ambiguous

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Aaaaand I should have read the edited version before replying. This is what I get for responding in the morning.

I think PayPal will work for some charities - you can usually look through them and pick whoever's donation page or accepted cards or whatever appeals to you. I've always used a credit card. I will see what charities they've okayed for donation, and see if any of them take PayPal! And then, yup, you forward me the confirmation. And then I review something for you! And TOS would be totally fun to do.

Also, that is an awesome review of what sounds like a truly marvelous book. Waaaaaant.

[annaalamode.livejournal.com]

I wish I had the money to bid on you and make you review the worst, crackiest thing I could possibly dream up. Although I guess it is a win from your perspective!

[dzurlady.livejournal.com]

Whoops, wrong window. They both said 'thefou...' on my tabs, it was confusing. :( Will repost on recs post.

[tfwftw.livejournal.com]

Oh, how I wish I was about to win the lottery.

...well, it's probably just as well for you. I'd probably ask you to do Keen Eddie, and then your head would explode. (People more visual than I assure me it features Guy-Ritchie-style fast cutting that is hard to follow, and while I don't see it myself, I suppose I believe them, because... why would they lie?)