Slashy Nominations 56: Self-Love Is Not So Vile a Sin as Self-Neglecting

[thefourthvine]

I think we could all stand to remember the wisdom in the title more often. That said, it's obviously time to take another pass at masturbation stories. Or, no, wait, another whack. No. Another go?

I give up. This is hereby declared a double entendre-free zone for the duration of this nominations set. You will all just have to kick your own minds out of the gutters. To the extent possible with these stories on offer.

Best FF That Identifies Spike's Masturbation Fantasy Number 9, Leaving Me Wondering If There's Some Connection to the Love Potion of the Same Number. And Also, Of Course, What the Other Eight Are. Night Watch, by debchan + spike21 + thete1 = Webrain, and I hope I haven't left anyone out. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Spike/Xander. (No, it is not my OTP in this fandom, I swear to god. I just...rec a lot of it, OK?) I admit this story is most of the reason why I'm revisiting the masturbation theme right now. I nominated another story called "Night Watch" in the last set, and it just seemed like a good idea to clear the decks of Night Watches, at least for the moment. Spike jerks off, Xander watches, and the inevitable happens. Pay special attention to the excellent disclaimer: "If they belonged to us, there would come a day when taffeta played a role in their lives." I can't say the same; I don't care for taffeta. But I'm willing to concede that I'm with the Webrain in principle. (NOTE: A Certain Person should not read this, because it contains a mention of blood that is brief but will nonetheless likely ick said Person right out.)

Best FF That Shows That, in Addition to Being Basically Twisted, Batman Has a Deeply Twisted Sense of Justice. And Humor. Wally West vs. the Chicken Salad of Doom, by David Hines, aka hradzka. Justice League, I think, and it's not a pairing situation, more of an, um, one-man show kind of thing, involving Flash. So. This is a sex pollen story, and I think we can all agree there is no excuse for sex pollen stories. Except that they tend to be strangely good. And they make me laugh, in some cases so hard that they should have a special warning. (Along the lines of "Caution: do not read this story while precariously balanced or around improperly stored liquids. Wear protective clothing and check all nearby surfaces for corners and sharp edges before beginning. Not for people who have heart disease, high blood pressure, or a need to look dignified.") This is one such story. At least, it appealed to my sense of humor.

Why I am sorry I admitted that in a public forum? Or even to myself?

Best FF That Makes Me Hungry - and Not for Sex, Sadly, but Rather for a Foodstuff I Have Not Had Since I Was in the UK, and Which I Am Ashamed to Admit I Love, Because It Is So British. A Trifle, by kassrachel. Harry Potter, Harry Potter/Ron Weasley, in a manner of speaking. Here, we have food leading to masturbation, which is not at all surprising, given that the characters are teenage boys. It's only surprising that they're so discriminating about their culinary triggers; in my experience, Funyuns (as one example) would work just as well with boys of this age, and they don't count as food, never mind erotic food. Once again, we have a strikingly simple proposition: boys. Food. Wanking. Does it work? You be the judge. And somebody for god's sake send me some trifle.

Best FF in Which Female Strippers Induce Homosexuality in Formerly Straight Men, and It All Makes a Mutant Kind of Sense. Shadow Boxing, by Sihaya Black (this is only her TS stuff; if anyone has a more complete site or a LJ link for her, I'd love to hear about it). The Sentinel, Jim/Blair. (I swear, that's not a pairing, it's more like a brand of slash or something. Jimblair, adjective: describing fiction that takes snippy "straight" guys who are clearly already together in the canon and nudges them over the NC-17 line.) This is a switching teams story that begins with a jimblair argument and ends with a jimblair marriage proposal. (Now that I think about it, that may actually also be a decent summary of the first season of The Sentinel.) In the interim, there's plenty of masturbation, as well as anthropological jargon and beer. Ah, TS, how we love thee!

Comments

Re: So, I was rushing off to church this morning...

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

I only wish I had planned it. That's excellent.

(By "that's excellent," I mean, of course, that I am filled with sympathy for your plight and deeply apologetic about having inadvertently caused you to have inappropriate thoughts in a situation requiring profoundest gravity.)

Now I'm wondering what darthrami is going to do with Psalm 63 in musesfool's Psalm Challenge. Because, wow, that is one incredible Psalm.

O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is;
To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary.

This is an X-Men fic, M/X, set in the time immediately after the dissolution of the relationship. Xavier goes to Jerusalem alone, a trip he's made with Erik before; they used to go for Erik's peace of mind, and now he's making one last trip for his own, to put his love to rest.

He revisits some scenes of their relationship in his mind and others in body, seeing how the seeds of love's destruction were planted the first time they met and how each one flourished and grew. He notes how much more difficult things are without Erik - he can't even go to some of the places they went before, because Jerusalem is not exactly wheelchair-friendly and he no longer has Magneto to help him get around. It's all very symbolic, and it ends as he lies alone in a hotel in the desert Jerusalem has become for him and he remembers a significant sex scene from their last visit.

Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.
Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name.

Iliad, Achilles/Patroclus, from Patroclus's point of view. Everyone loves A but only P is ever let in, only he ever gets close to A, gets inside his walls and past his armor.

He remembers when he was little and he overheard some of their cousins jealously making fun of A; P, knowing they'd kick his ass, nonetheless stood up for A, and of course A came to save him from his beating.

He remembers when they were teenagers, praising A with his lips in a very different way; remembers being taught the things men never allow themselves to do with other men, and how he never cared, because A wasn't a man - he was Achilles. And how A reciprocated.

He remembers that he let everyone think that A never did reciprocate, because he didn't want people to think less of A. He wanted everyone to love A the way he deserved, and he knew they'd see as weakness what was really strength.

And then he gets inside A's armor one last time and goes out to save his reputation one last time, knowing that he'll die, and choosing to, because loving A is better than living.

My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips:
When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.

As you point out, this one's already been written. Go, Webrain!

Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice.

Good Omens, Crowley/Aziraphale from Aziraphale's PoV, and do I even need to spell it out?

My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.
But those that seek my soul, to destroy it, shall go into the lower parts of the earth.
They shall fall by the sword: they shall be a portion for foxes.

Angel or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and it could be anything from Angel/Buffy to Angel/Wesley. Again, this one writes itself; I don't think I need to go into the staking, the sword fight, and the sex.

But the king shall rejoice in God; every one that sweareth by him shall glory: but the mouth of them that speak lies shall be stopped.

LotR. Aragorn is the king, no doubt, but I can see this one set at so many points in the story. A/Boromir works. So does A/Eomer; in that case, the liar would be Wormtongue, of course. I can see A/Legolas in this one too, I'm sorry to report - set at the coronation, naturally.

Someone save me from the 63rd Psalm. It is the Psalm of plot bunnies about characters whose names begin with A, and it is a wonder and a terror to behold.

Re: So, I was rushing off to church this morning...

[anneline.livejournal.com]

Ooh, good plot bunnies. "praising A with his lips in a very different way" -hee. (You're really ruining church for me.)

Also, since the Psalms are traditionally attributed to David, I think any of that Psalm would lend itself to some hot David/Jonathon Bible slash.

I really need to go read the fic coming out of the Psalms challenge because it seems like such a cool concept and I really liked the Penknife "Trust" story you recced.