Slashy Nominations 57: Blurred by Slight Intoxication

[thefourthvine]

Alcohol might not be much on its own, but combine it with fan fiction and we do indeed see how sweet life can be. Of course, there's not so much of the slight here; for the most part, these stories contain some serious intoxication. But don't worry about alcohol poisoning and don't bother ordering blood levels; in fan fiction, drunkenness is just a classic way of getting two people horizontal. Or, you know, into other assorted positions.

To put it another way: yay, drunkfics!

Best FF That Proves That Everything Is Better with Wombats: Vombatus poeticus, by q_skud_. Master & Commander, Stephen Maturin/Jack Aubrey (ish). I'm dedicating this rec to makesmewannadie, who understands that wombats do indeed make everything better. Wombats can even help with unrequited love, which is pretty much we've got here. This is an itty-bitty fic, and g-rated, so it's really fairly astonishing that q_skud_ managed to fit so many of my favorite things into it: wombats, Latin, good poetry (on this occasion by Catullus), Stephen Maturin. It's like I was born just to provide this story with its ideal audience. Plus, it helps fill the world's gaping need for wombatfic. Writers, what have you done for wombatfic today? Remember: fandoms need wombats.

Best FF in a Fandom I Am Absolutely Not Reading, Not Not Not: Vaguely Gay, by miriam_heddy. Sports Night, Dan/Casey McCall. Let me just repeat that: this is not one of my fandoms, people. I don't even know what the show is about (though I'm thinking sports probably come into it somewhere), and I am not getting involved in another damn TV fandom. They're too difficult. It's just - the title of this story really appealed to me, because that's what the guys we slash so often are; there's just something, you know, vaguely gay about the way they interact with their supposedly-straight, supposedly-platonic best friends. So I read the story, and it proved to be good, and so here we are. Of course I can't be sure that this is in-character or canon-appropriate or anything, as this is - did I mention this? - not my fandom. Not! My! Fandom!

Best FF That Scarred Me Forever with a Casual Mention of a Former President of the United States: Scotch Courage, by Kellie Matthews. Due South, Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski. Come for the intoxicated Ray. Stay for the unintoxicated sex. And please, please, somebody tell me that the whole comment about our former President doesn't mean what I think it means, because if it does, the resultant mental images will torment me to the grave. In fact, they may torment me into my grave, so please, say it ain't so. (Sorry, folks. Wish I could provide a better summary. But every time I read or even think of this story, my brain fixates on that one horrible implied-but-please-god-not-true President thing, and it just locks up. Ew.)

Best FF Featuring a Sex Scene That Could Cause Impressionable Readers to Begin Singing "Giles of the Nine and a Half Fingers and the Xander of Doom," Which Is Grounds for Murder in Nine States: Four Dicks, by The Spike, aka spike21. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Xander/Giles. Can I just say right now that I hate alcoholic-Giles stories? Because I like my Giles shiny and idealistic, and I like him snarky and careworn, but I don't like him passed out. He cannot snark when he's passed out, people. But...I still like this story. It's set in a time when Giles and Xander were both disenfranchised, feeling lost and out of it and wondering what the hell came next; this is a solution way better than the one Joss thought of. And Xander is perfectly in character here, using humor as a cover and a shield. So, you know, even though I don't like stories like this, well, I like this.

Best FF That Makes You Want to Snuggle up to a Warm Fuzzy Evil Demon Monster of Your Very Own: Untitled, by wiseacress. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Spike/Xander. This is a bonus story, right here, because it's more of a scene, and anyway I try not to repeat fandoms in one set. But this is so worth reading, because it showcases something too many BtVS FF writers forget. I mean, we hear so much about the Ultimate Sexy of Spike that sometimes I wish Buffy'd staked him in season two. And there's almost as much FF talk about Spike's odd, soul-free humanity. There's just not so much focusing on Spike's evident caretaking need. But it's there, folks. He took care of Dru for a hundred years, even though she spent 99% of that time getting a direct feed from Planet Crazy. I understand he also took good care of Dawn, although I myself have not experienced what we might call the Dawn Season of Buffy (also known as the Sunset Season of Buffy, for an entirely different reason). Here, he's taking care of Xander, and he's clearly enjoying himself, and no, you perverts, it's not what you think. It's shmoop, which so clearly should not work with a BtVS-style vampire, except that it...does. And if that's not enough reason to read this, well, let me up the ante. It contains the phrase "make me your pirate bride." Thought that'd get you. Sure got me; I'll be working that phrase into nearly everything I say from now on.

Comments

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

You people do this just to make me crazy, don't you? Getting all tempting with the clear implications of a more-than-merely-friendly relationship, rich with its promise of in-character slash. Not fair. Fun, but not fair.

Danny gets hurt when Casey forgets their anniversary.

Their anniversary of what? Because, unless I'm missing out on a key part of American culture (and, really, it wouldn't be the first time), friend-type relationships don't typically have anniversaries. I mean, I have friends. I don't have anniversaries with any of them. I only have an anniversary with my Best Beloved. Are you sure they're only vaguely gay in canon?

I could go on, but I'll spare you.

No, no. Why start sparing me now, when you've got me all curious? It's not fair - you hold out the nummy sexy crack and then you take it away. Be consistent!

Really? In my experience, whenever I give the tiniest indication that I might be interested in a new fandom, people cackle loudly and come out of the woodwork to give me free samples of crack, all while saying that everybody's doing it, and hey, is there a bridge I can jump off, guys?

Well, yes, in my experience, too. But I don't understand why that is. I'm not a writer, so no one actually benefits from sucking me in to yet another fandom. Unless it's just the company in hell principle at work.

And, really, shouldn't my community be supportive of my stated wish to set boundaries on myself and limit my reach to what I can handle safely and comfortably? But, no, instead I get people tempting me with fic and porn and candy. You might just as well shoot the stuff directly into my veins, you know that?

Fandom is clearly seriously dysfunctional and unhealthy.

Hmmm. Actually, that probably explains why I like it so much.

[shrift.livejournal.com]

You people do this just to make me crazy, don't you?

Possibly. Is it working?

I only have an anniversary with my Best Beloved. Are you sure they're only vaguely gay in canon?

Casey was likewise baffled by what anniversary he'd missed, until Danny informed him that it was the anniversary of their first show together. (This led to Casey's eventual confession that he chose Danny over saving his marriage, which made Danny go googly-eyed.) And I've been assured that some people don't see Danny and Casey as a couple, but if one chooses to believe they could be, their love is more text than sub. Especially when you consider that they've been partners for ten years, and have serious problems functioning without each other.

God, they're so cute, they really are.

Be consistent!

Sorry! I'm only on my second cup of coffee, and what brain cells aren't devoted to doing my job seem to be off furtively scribbling notes for superhero porn.

Unless it's just the company in hell principle at work.

The power of squee is a wonderful thing. A tiny bit of the pimping has to do with selfishness, sure -- when there are more people who watch Sports Night, talk about it, and rec it, there's a greater chance of pulling in people who DO write, and a greater chance that all the new Sports Night stories in the archive won't all have my name attached. But mostly I just like nattering happily about Sports Night with people who will listen.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Possibly. Is it working?

It's eight o'clock in the morning. I am reading freaking SPORTS NIGHT smut - and the good quality, totally uncut (get that mind out of the gutter) stuff, too. I had an hour of sleep last night.

If this isn't insanity, it's hell.

With good porn. (Which is why I'm fairly sure it's not heaven.)

Sorry! I'm only on my second cup of coffee, and what brain cells aren't devoted to doing my job seem to be off furtively scribbling notes for superhero porn.

Superhero porn? All is forgiven. Never mind about the whole consistency thing. Just get that superhero porn on deck. Um, so to speak.

But mostly I just like nattering happily about Sports Night with people who will listen.

You know, the people who got me so far into the due South fandom that it will take a freaking bathysphere to get me out had pretty much the same excuse. (Why, yes, ardent_muses, I am looking at you.) This is a disease, is what this is. And it is very contagious.

But, hey - it's a fun disease.