No Heterosexual Explanation Moments

[thefourthvine]

Recently, I was talking to frostfire_17, and the topic of the No Heterosexual Explanation Moment came up. (It will not surprise you to hear that we were talking about the Fast and Furious franchise at the time. There are few other franchises so thoroughly inundated with such moments, I think.) It is the moment when you try, you genuinely, seriously try to take off your slash goggles and figure out what the writers, producers, directors, and actors thought was happening in a scene, and you can only conclude that, no, they must have thought the same-sex pairing was doing it, too. (It can also be the moment that a non-slasher wanders in, studies the screen for a long moment with narrowed eyes, and then says, "They are so fucking each other.")

As far as I can tell, there are two major categories of No Heterosexual Explanation Moments. The first is where the plot only makes sense if the pairing is, in fact, a pairing; I tend to put the first season of Smallville (what I know of it) into this category. Lex's behavior is just, you know, really really hard to explain unless he is very hot for Clark indeed. And the second kind is where it's just not something people with a strictly platonic, UST-free relationship ever do. Like, for example, when one cop signs "I love you" to the other cop as he's being med-evac'd out on a helicopter. I am pretty sure they don't teach that in police academy courses on Effective Partnerships in the Law Enforcement Profession, is all I'm saying.

But Frost and I realized that, tragically, we just do not have the depth and breadth of experience to make a complete catalogue of No Heterosexual Explanation Moments. This is where I am hoping you all come in. What are the key NHEMs of our time? Of past times? Of all time? Educate me! Bonus points for links to clips, if they come from a visual medium.

F/F as welcome as M/M, of course. And, hey, if you've got any NHEMs for threesomes, lay 'em on me. The only key is that even a person struggling not to see the pairing will still say, "...You know, I just really think they're doing it." (Obviously, if it is an actual canon pairing, it cannot feature in an NHEM, because in that case there shouldn't BE a heterosexual explanation.)

ETA: Spoilers in comments, of course! And the more the merrier, in my opinion.

Comments

Sailor Moon

[(Anonymous)]

Seeing as how Japan has a different view on how women express their platonic love for each other, you kind of have to compare and contrast each relationship. The leading model for comparison would be Haruka and Michiru (who both are canonically in a lesbian relationship). You use this for all the sailor scouts, including the dynamic between chibiusa (Rini) and sailor saturn, Seriously guys? Then of course you can argue that all of the sailor scouts are having one big gay love fest. Also, don't forget the sailor starlights.

[malka]

You've said that you filter most of your video media through your Best Beloved, right? Send her to see the new X-Men movie (X-Men: the Prequel, or whatever they're calling it).

It's a romance. It's also got random explosions and miscellaneous teenagers and an attempt at a political plot (spoiler: the Cold War? Caused by a nihilistic mutant with a yachtmarine.) But really, it's the story of two young men in love and how the world conspires to turn them against each other. Very high in drama. Sadly, also very low in pantsless moments, but the yearning makes up for it.

Others have made this point more articulately and with more analysis: http://glvalentine.livejournal.com/307334.html

[misspamela.livejournal.com]

The Eagle. The entire movie.

The evidence! (Links to a 3-part post.) (http://misspamela.livejournal.com/670897.html)

From a review of the movie:

Again, if Marcus and Esca started to fall for each other — a fiery hate turns into a passionate love — the motivations of the film would have made total sense and would have been a much braver and more intelligent movie. Instead, it grunts and heaves like a chain of fraternity brothers elephant walking, whispering into the shoulder of the naked man whose penis he’s grasping that it’s totally not gay, it’s about brotherhood and honor and tradition. The Spartans buttfucked each other and weren’t nearly as bromosexual as these two fellas.

ETA: Itf we're looking for a specific MOMENT, I'd say the part where Marcus gasps, "I thought I'd lost you." when Esca comes to rescue him. Not "Yay, you're rescuing me." I THOUGHT I'D LOST YOU.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

FROST SUGGESTED PRECISELY THAT MOMENT. I mean, also the entire movie, but she noted that specific scene as a CLEAR NHEM.

Okay, I'm convinced!

[ms-duck.livejournal.com]

Kamen Rider Kabuto. Hell Bros. in episode 48.I suppose it's possible to construe it some other way, but I can't think of it. Also, episode 37(?).

I noticed it the first time I watched the show without my shipping goggles on.

The Hell Bros. are the two dudes in my icon.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

But what happens? Spoil me! I am all agog!

[marag.livejournal.com]

::snickers:: I've never seen H5O but...yeah, there's no heterosexual explanation for that scene.

And at least the first two seasons of Smallville are included, I think. I was watching a mid-season episode and Avi (non-slasher) walked in, watched Lex and Clark talking in Lex's library for a few minutes, and started to make kissing noises at the screen :D

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

I can totally see that the first two seasons might be. Just, I only know what happened in the first one, because BB watched some eps of that but not, I think, any others. But, yeah, Lex and Clark in the early days just had to be Clark/Lex, if you see what I mean.

[ashkitty.livejournal.com]

All of Star Trek TOS, ever.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

AGREED.

[silviakundera.livejournal.com]

For me it's the Merlin character's behavior on BBC's Merlin -- the extent to which he ignores all the Pendragon genocidal habits and sacrifices himself & others for the sake of Arthur just does not make sense to me if you assume Merlin is totally heterosexual with no unrequited romantic pining. I have to believe Merlin is in love with Arthur to make the characterization hold together.

I've had this conversation with my dad a few times (who watches the show on BBC America) and he generally ends up flailing all, "he's not gay! I don't... I don't know, he just DOES IT FOR ARTHUR."
Me: "okay, but how do you explain it?"
Father: "HE JUST KNOWS HE HAS TO."
Me: "Why? What has Arthur really done to deserve that depth of fixation and loyalty?"
Father: "I... don't know. IT'S JUST A MYSTERY. MAYBE HE HAS TO, IT'S MAGIC."
Me: LOL

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I have never actually seen Merlin, but what I know of the plots - and also there was this clip, where Arthur redirected guards hunting for Merlin, I think? I remember seeing that and thinking, "Well, now we know it's requited."

[cherryice.livejournal.com]

It's funny just how often I end up having some variation of the following conversation with friends:

"You know despite the fact that the Fast and the Furious movies make no sense, and are just shiny cars, pretty boys, and explosions, I still enjoy them greatly."

"Pretend that Vin Diesel and Paul Walker's characters are totally doing it. And may be head-over-heels love with each other."

"..."

"..."

"Huh. You know, all of a sudden, there is character motivation and an almost coherent plot line."

I'll note that the first movie came out when I was in, like, grade 10. I think there's an entire generation of us who imprinted on Paul Walker and his slashy blue eyes in fast, shiny cars.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

It really is the only logical explanation. And I am too old to have imprinted on TFATF, but I am still VERY MUCH SOLD ON IT. I recently read an article about how the franchise has done a service to Hollywood by actually having a cast that looks basically like, you know the actual US in terms of race (although, spoiler: the actual US population is not that pretty), but I think it has done at least an equal to slashers everywhere.

[bbuttercup.livejournal.com]

SGA - The Flounce (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=roT0ZulwtZE)

[lucia-tanaka.livejournal.com]

:watches: Okay, that was kind of hilarious.

[joyce.livejournal.com]

The entirety of Hawaii Five-0 is one big NHEM. There's this hilarious scene where Steve has ordered something online, and Danny brings the box into the house, and Steve says "What's that?" and Danny says "I brought you a present" and Steve just BEAMS.

There is the constant bickering about driving the car ("I'm not scared, I'm rationally concerned"), and about the music in the car, and Steve being good to Danny's family, and Danny being annoyed at how Steve handles suspects, and Steve talking Danny down about something on his cell phone while Steve is setting a trap for someone in the jungle, and, the scene where Steve does the meet the family thing with Danny's brother, and gah. <3 The show slashes itself, and you can't tell me the writers don't know it.

And I'm having no luck with Youtube and finding video evidence, because it's all vids, and I love vids, don't get me wrong, but the strength of H50 is in the dialogue, which you need to be able to hear to get the NHEMs.

Ahem. Don't mind me. I get a little flaily when it comes to H50.

[elucreh.livejournal.com]

Dude, after that promo, you can't tell me the network don't know it.


ETA: Sorry, am a dope.

[hannahrorlove.livejournal.com]

Do ambiguously gendered characters count? I ask because there's quite a bit of stuff going on in the movie The Prophecy that's a long scene of nothing but characters intimately discussing mutual longing for their shared past, but since they're angels, calling it a NHEM is a minor stretch.

Maybe a So Totally A Couple moment?

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Of course they do! Although, seriously, having seen it - I would not call those characters all that ambiguously gendered. And, yeah, NHE AT ALL.

[meret.livejournal.com]

SPN - In The Darkside of the Moon Ash says Sam and Dean are soulmates. I've only ever seen that term used for romantic couples. Plus Dean went to hell for Sam! And people constantly mistake them for a couple.

SGA - There's an episode where Rodney is jealous when John likes a woman who turns out to be an ancient protecting a planet from the wraith.

[laurificus.livejournal.com]

We should also not forget the time Sam and Dean are described as irrationally, erotically, psychotically codependent. I mean. Those are actual words uttered about them in canon.

[rubynye.livejournal.com]

On the recently-ended TV show NUMB3RS, David & Colby are FBI agents and partners. (See my icon. The cheesy looking one is named Colby.) In Season 6 they decided to crank their already slashy vibe up to 11 with moments such as: when they were supposed to arrive at a dinner with dates, they came as each other's; after Colby was rescued from a hostage situation, David handed him keys by pressing his hand flat against Colby's chest and letting the keys fall into his hand.

Also I've recently been contemplating Stargate SG-1, and this promo picture (http://media.photobucket.com/image/recent/Thunderstorm23/Jack%2520and%2520Daniel/jackdanny.jpg) is such a moment all on its own.

[geeklite.livejournal.com]

I wish we'd had, like, eleven seasons of David and Colby being partners, and also some minor maths stuff. I would have loved that show.

[stillane.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if it counts, considering it was very much on purpose, but pretty much all of Guy Richie's Sherlock Holmes movie is one long NHEM, I think. You kinda have to work to make anything that Holmes does in that movie with regard to Watson purely heterosexually motivated, and yet... I saw it in the theater sitting between my extremely conservative dad and my sister's boyfriend, and they did not twig to anything. It boggles me.

[ashkitty.livejournal.com]

That was SO a NHEM movie.

[corvis-corvax.livejournal.com]

The Sentinel, the epp with the elevator, when Jim is worried that Blair's late for their lunch "date."

First time it was on TV we were watching and my friend's husband walks though the room, pauses to listen to the "Where is he? He's late! I'm worried" dialogue and says -WIthout Prompting OR prior knowledge of the show- "Those guys are gay, aren't they?"

[jacquez.livejournal.com]

For my husband, it was the moment when Jim is dreaming about naked Blair. He walked into the room, looked at the screen, and said -- I can't remember exactly what, but something about how this show was slashy as hell, I think. It was the first scene of the show he'd ever seen.

[alethialia.livejournal.com]

Highlander. Specifically the scene where Duncan pushes Methos against a car and tells him, "We're through." I mean, I suppose you could say that he's using that sentence in the sense of, "I am very angry with you and don't want to be friends anymore." But given general usage, it come across like OMG, MAC IS BREAKING UP WITH METHOS!

[rhi]

And the scene in Till Death with the tea being offered and Duncan batting his eyelashes at Methos. (And no, I'm *not* being metaphorical, TFV.)

[ceitean.livejournal.com]

There are bucketloads of NHEMs in all sorts of animanga and 98% of them are done on purpose, too. Yay for fanservice.

^see icon

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

This is true facts, and I say this as only a casual animanga fan!

[vamysteryfan.livejournal.com]

Oh, totally the Sentinel. Too many moments to list but my favorite is Blair blindfolding Jim for "taste tests." Or in the pilot where Blair says "this wasn't a typical day for you?" and Jim pats his cheeks. Or the cuddle when Blair is freaking out from Golden.

edited for spelling

[mab-browne.livejournal.com]

Jim has a spirit vision of Blair and he's naked.

[iamrosalita.livejournal.com]

That entire H50 episode was full of moments for which there are no heterosexual explanations. Of course, Danny's sign language declaration of love, but also Steve's smoldering look when Danny says he'll make him pay, the ridiculously obvious eye fucking and Steve's shit eating grin when he tells Kono that Danny went home to change his shirt. There is no explanation for that grin other than Danny made Steve "pay" in the car upon leaving the restaurant and that's the real reason he had to change his shirt!

[ms-duck.livejournal.com]

You know what else I just thought of?

Due South. Specifically all of seasons 3 and 4. And the series ending...

[reginagiraffe]

Especially Fraser saying he believes in love at first sight, while gazing right at Ray.

[china_shop]

Due South, s3, Asylum, when Andreas Volpe is patting Kowalski down groping Kowalski in an alley, and when he gets to the *koff* intimate part, Kowalski gives a little "ooh!" and smirks. Srsly. What were they thinking?

White Collar is rife with threesome subtext/fanservice as well as slash, but... okay, there's this conversation:

Note: Neal is Peter's C.I.

Neal: Franklin was a good agent.
Peter: He was. Top in his class, twelve years of service.
Neal: FBI medal of valor. That can't be easy to come by.
Peter: Mmm-mmm.
Neal: What happened?
Peter: He had an inappropriate relationship with a C.I.
Neal: Really?
Peter: Yes.
Neal: How inappropriate?
Peter: Do you want me to draw you a diagram?
Neal: No.
Peter: He fell in love with her, he got caught, and then sent him down to bank fraud.
Neal: Then she was his first stop.
Peter: Maybe. She's his former C.I. They broke it off when she got transferred.
Neal: She has three known aliases. She knows how to hide someone. I mean, come on, Peter, if you went on the run
Peter: I wouldn't go on the run.
Neal: Yeah, but if you did... *shrugs*
Peter: Yes, I'm sure it'd be your fault.

[sharksdontsleep.livejournal.com]

Yeah, there is really no explanation for White Collar that doesn't involve kinky threesome/polyamorous action. Or an open marriage. Or something. I'm not really sure what the character motivations would be other than that explanation.

[hollyxu.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure this counts, since White Collar also gives out the OT3 signals like woah, but Neal is definitely not thinking of Peter 100% platonically at any given time. Especially when they look at each other.

Plus, about 90% of animanga tries to throw NHEM at you in the name of nakama all the time. It's very obvious in shows like Prince of Tennis. And Japanese boybands are guilty of this too.

People all mention Merlin and Arthur, but I really got stuck on the Morgana and Morgause dynamic, since they're actually half-siblings, and therefore got that sibling attraction thingy (can't remember psychology name for it, sorry), but yeah. Evil half-siblings, giving off NHEM vibes ftw!

And now I'm in danger of wandering into the Ho Yay section of tvtropes for more examples, so I'm going to stop.

[yeomanrand.livejournal.com]

I think the expression "Making eyes at" was made for Peter and Neal. Mostly Neal. Occasionally Peter. (And yes, the OT3 is strong with that one)

[etben.livejournal.com]

a whole lot of due south, obviously, and the entirety of the Eagle - I saw it in theaters with a crew of fangirls, and we had the time of our lives, but I couldn't figure out what the hell everybody ELSE in the theater was getting out of it.

Also, the relationship between Avon Barksdale and Stringer Bell on The Wire makes more sense if you just assume that they're together, although admittedly in a nonmonogamous and slightly messed-up way. (Avon gets out of jail. Stringer Bell throws him a party, but then refuses to let him talk to the pretty ladies. Avon complains about not getting laid, because PRISON. Stringer's response? "I'm sorry, I have to go work." And Avon just kind of pouts.

...and then Stringer sends up some call girls, but. THEY ARE REALLY A LITTLE BIT MARRIED. and a lot bit fucked-up.)

[attempt-unique.livejournal.com]

Oh, Avon and Stringer. Why isn't there ALL THE FIC about them?

[thespatz.livejournal.com]

The scene that opens this Starsky & Hutch fanvid (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ftdlLOyX_0) is such a NHEM that the vidder uses the *entire* thing to open. The vid itself is incredibly darling and slashy, but that scene kills me dead in the best way. Hutch proves the gay using math! And then it gets even better! *snickers and watches again*

An F/F example.

[lilacsigil.livejournal.com]

The second season finale of Warehouse 13 with Myka and HG. The whole threat/speech/disarming scene (and Myka's reaction afterwards) only makes sense if they're in love. I've only watched bits and pieces of this show so I didn't know they weren't a couple and I was really surprised when they didn't kiss.

Re: An F/F example.

[minkhollow]

They're not a couple, but they're one of the most popular 'ships in the fandom. (And HG is canonically bi, which makes it even more awesome.)