No Heterosexual Explanation Moments

[thefourthvine]

Recently, I was talking to frostfire_17, and the topic of the No Heterosexual Explanation Moment came up. (It will not surprise you to hear that we were talking about the Fast and Furious franchise at the time. There are few other franchises so thoroughly inundated with such moments, I think.) It is the moment when you try, you genuinely, seriously try to take off your slash goggles and figure out what the writers, producers, directors, and actors thought was happening in a scene, and you can only conclude that, no, they must have thought the same-sex pairing was doing it, too. (It can also be the moment that a non-slasher wanders in, studies the screen for a long moment with narrowed eyes, and then says, "They are so fucking each other.")

As far as I can tell, there are two major categories of No Heterosexual Explanation Moments. The first is where the plot only makes sense if the pairing is, in fact, a pairing; I tend to put the first season of Smallville (what I know of it) into this category. Lex's behavior is just, you know, really really hard to explain unless he is very hot for Clark indeed. And the second kind is where it's just not something people with a strictly platonic, UST-free relationship ever do. Like, for example, when one cop signs "I love you" to the other cop as he's being med-evac'd out on a helicopter. I am pretty sure they don't teach that in police academy courses on Effective Partnerships in the Law Enforcement Profession, is all I'm saying.

But Frost and I realized that, tragically, we just do not have the depth and breadth of experience to make a complete catalogue of No Heterosexual Explanation Moments. This is where I am hoping you all come in. What are the key NHEMs of our time? Of past times? Of all time? Educate me! Bonus points for links to clips, if they come from a visual medium.

F/F as welcome as M/M, of course. And, hey, if you've got any NHEMs for threesomes, lay 'em on me. The only key is that even a person struggling not to see the pairing will still say, "...You know, I just really think they're doing it." (Obviously, if it is an actual canon pairing, it cannot feature in an NHEM, because in that case there shouldn't BE a heterosexual explanation.)

ETA: Spoilers in comments, of course! And the more the merrier, in my opinion.

Comments

[toft]

Well, the entire last two series of Blakes 7 comes to mind. Avon has spent the last two series violently protesting that he doesn't like Blake, doesn't believe in his ideals and plans to sell the secret alien spaceship they've come to possess and run off to live quietly in wealthy retirement the second Blake comes to a bad end and lets go of his influence on the rest of the crew; cue final episode of S2 when Blake says, "I have always trusted you, Avon," AND AVON'S HEART BLEEDS THROUGH HIS EYES; Blake disappears, and does Avon do what he said he would? Does he hell. Without a single word of explanation he spends the next two series leading the crew in a single-minded search for Blake across the galaxy, ending in Avon's arguable madness and the slaughter of the entire crew when he walks into a trap THAT HE KNEW WAS A TRAP because it was baited by Blake.

B7 makes no sense unless Avon is in love with Blake and the entire thing is a story about their doomed romance! OMG their love.

[thatyourefuse]

... wow.

Okay.

I was halfway to wanting to watch this anyway -- I have seen Servalan -- but, wow.

[toft]

Blakes 7 is a truly brilliant TV show. I mean, the props and costumes are hilarious, it's super-camp and Servalan is Fabulous with a capital F, but also the deep powerful tragedy of their love is unmissable slashy gold.

[kindkit]

B7 is (most of the time) a great show, and not just for the NHEM.

[executrix]

And, although there is backstory about Avon having at one time had an actual girlfriend, it's really only in there to parallel the way he acts around Blake.

[feng_shui_house]

For me, one obvious B7 NHEM was in episode 5- The Web. Blake is on the flight deck, Avon is off being scientifically curious about their alien ship. Problems come up, Blake orders Avon to the flight deck, Avon tells him he's busy. Blake calls him again, Avon snarks at him but makes no move to leave the interesting 'toy' he's found.

Then the very pretty new crewmember comes up to Avon and tries to chat him up. Avon gets progressively more uneasy, and when she comments that she's interested in his work-- well, here's his response as transcribed by fans. 
AVON: [Pause] Yes. [Pause] Well, I suppose I'd better go and see what it is that Blake wants. And he very nearly FLEES.

[copracat]

Blake's 7 is one of those interesting shows where when a major character leaves the show you actually continue to feel his absence. He doesn't disappear and only get remembered for plot convenience. Avon makes this so.

[octavia_b]

I first saw this series when I was 14 and even at that age (nearly 30 years ago) I was convinced of their undying love. The horror and despair in Avon's voice when he thinks Blake may have betrayed him (he hadn't), "Would you betray us Blake? Would you betray, me?"

*swoons all over again*

[thefourthvine]

Wow. I am PERSUADED. Not that I will watch it, for I have a tragic allergy to horrible costumes, and an even more serious one to sad endings, but in my heart, I will believe forevermore that Blake and Avon were in luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv.

[xenacryst]

God yes. B7 is the slashiest slash to ever slash slash with a slash. I mean, it's pretty damned obvious that the entire crew had the hots for Blake as soon as he was thrown into the prison, but Avon most especially. Actually, I think Avon and Vila were probably sympathy fucking each other over the loss of Blake towards the end of the series, and when Tarrant was fucking Servalan, it was only because he couldn't fuck Blake.

[sashajwolf]

Yes, this was my first thought, too. The end of S2 makes no sense whatsoever unless Avon and Blake are in love but unable to tell each other so. And Blake's continual flip-flopping about whether or not he trusts Avon only makes sense to me on the assumption that there are off-screen lovers' tiffs that we're not being shown.

[executrix]

Also, the *only* crew dyad that reacts to the combination of Constant Space Battles and No Seat Belts is Avon grabbing Blake.

BTW I know Joss Whedon is a B7 fan, so I assume that the fluctuating "you're on my crew" status refers to whether Simon has moved his clothes out of Mal's cabin *again* or not.

[beren_writes]

So with you on this, there really is no other way to explain s3 and s4.

[igbc]

B7 is the heart of slashiness. Got your perpetual alpha male antler-crashing, got your "I hate him/I love him/I can't make up my mind" stuff, got your obsessive/possessiveness, got your "I'm going slowly insane without you" craziness, got your "If I can't have Blake I'll screw around with Vila (or Tarrant)" implications, got your general all-around sick twistedness (mindwiping, psychomanipulation, crazed revenge seeking), got your BLACK LEATHER EVERYWHERE.

God, I love it.