Slashy Nominations 102: To Laugh Is Natural to Man (and Woman)

[thefourthvine]

I appear to have a lot of rec'ing stored up inside; if you started reading this LJ recently enough that two posts a month seems normal to you, rest assured that it isn't, and neither is two posts a day. I hope to rediscover my happy medium soon. In the meantime: look! Stories to read!

Best FF That Records a Conversation I Am Morally Certain Takes Place in Gotham Very Regularly. Actually, Now That I Think About It, This Story Documents Two Such Conversations. Just Desserts, by Smitty, aka smittywing*. D.C. Universe, and, really, that's all I'm going to say about it, except that it involves Dick Grayson (as Robin I), Bruce Wayne, and Barbara Gordon. And also that the memory of this story still makes me giggle at red lights. This is such a perfect short piece, and not just because I could email Te tonight and by tomorrow have eighty scans that support this view of the daring duo, or whatever they're called. It's also the language ("Holy ropetricks!" "Chum!"). And the cameo appearance of the Robin panties. And most of all it's the conversations that Barbara overhear, because I think we can all admit that there must've been a lot of talk just like that over the years, and keep in mind that I'm still talking about both of them. You can read this as long as you know who Batman and Robin are - a trailer from the movie should be enough canon background, really. So don't let me keep you.

Best FF That Answers the Question "What Do You Give to the Man Who Has Everything?" And Definitely the Best FF to Answer That Question with "Scary-Ass Space Rock." Breaking Up Is Hard To Do, by mahaliem. Smallville, Clark Kent/Lex Luthor. And, no, it is not cheating to have a classic DCU story in the same set as a future SV one. Because, see, they're different canons, really different, even if the characters are sort of the same, and - look, fine, whatever. It's cheating. I'll include an extra rec in this set to make up for it, OK? But don't expect me to be sorry, because this story is another one that makes me laugh every time I think about it. And this despite the scary title, despite the post-rift (fanofall: am I getting the SV terminology right?) setting, despite the fact that it contains the heart-breaking line "we should have other nemeses." This story should be read by every DC hero, because apparently plotting to destroy the world (and thwarting plots to destroy the world) is a symptom of repressed lust, which means there's a much easier solution to the villain problem than Arkham Asylum (working motto: "You catch 'em, we completely fail to keep 'em!"). Although, for the record, this does not mean Batman should get it on with the Joker anytime soon, because I do not want to see that. I'm willing to read about him doing Poison Ivy or Harley Quinn, fine, but please god not the Joker. Ew.

Best FF That Contains Mention of What Just May Be the Scariest Damn Piece of FF Ever Imagined (but Please Please Please Not Actually Written) by Woman, Man, or Evil Extraterrestrial Planet-Destroying Robot). Downtime Discoveries, by Eli, aka elishavah. Stargate SG-1, if that's the actual name of this damn fandom, Jack O'Neill/Daniel Jackson (Reasons to Read SG1 #11: two kinds of jack! Three if the FF is rated PG-13 or higher!). So, I have this serious weakness for dialog-based stories, possibly because (as was conclusively proven to me during what we will in future delicately call the Yuletide Season, aka the Yuletide Panic, aka the Jesus God Get Her Some Medication and Take Her Computer Away Before Someone Gets Hurt Festival o' Yuletidy Goodness) I can only write, or indeed think, in dialog. No, really. Other people get visions of scenes that inspire them to write; I hear voices, which is probably why my characters always argue more than they fuck. Um. Getting back to this story. So, yeah, it's in dialog, and it's really fucking funny, and there's that scary FF mention, as promised. You want to read this. You do. And I don't think you need to know the canon at all to do so; I mean, I sure as shit don't. I should probably warn you, though, that the FF mentioned in the text might rivet revolting animated images in your mind for all eternity. But don't let that stand in your way - I mean, if you've been in fandom for longer than a month, you've probably thought of worse yourself. Or maybe that's just me with the perverted imagination. God, I hope it's not just me.

Best FF That Reminds All of Us in Long-Term Relationships to Ask Ourselves an Important Question, Namely: Have I, as a Loving, Caring Being, Done Everything I Possibly Can to Increase the Chances That I Will Have Sex on the Couch or Other Upholstered Item of Furniture Today? Seven Years, by Speranza, aka cesperanza. Due South, Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski. So, confession time: over the Long Hiatus, I got a lovely gift from nigeltde, who I have (shamefully) not yet thanked. (Persons who sent me gifts: they were received and much appreciated, and expect to be hearing about that very soon now that I've overcome my fear of my computer.) Said gift was season 3 of dS, plus selected season 1 and 2 episodes. Best Beloved went through all of it in about two days, and is now jonesing pathetically for season 4. Even more astonishingly, I actually watched a number of episodes. It's good, folks. It's surprisingly good, and you should totally see it, even if you don't like TV at all. The only downside is that actual canon knowledge is causing me to re-evaluate a couple of my FF-inspired dS beliefs, which means - quelle horreur! - rereading a bunch of the stories I found yonks ago, including this one. (Yes, we're back to talking about the actual story. Celebrate with me.) Turns out this is not a story I needed to re-evaluate. Hell, it's better now, because I can actually hear the characters saying these things. (Which, believe me, they would. I think the third season of the show is actually slashier than most of the FF written about it, which shouldn't even be possible. Due South: the canon that violates known physical laws in pursuit of slashiness.) But I did need to reread this, because it is funny. Just really hysterically funny; almost every line makes me, at minimum, grin. (This is even funnier if you know who David Duchovny is, so if you don't, you might want to head over to the IMDb before you read this.)

Best FF That Proves That, in the Right Hands, Infidelity, Potential Squick, Terrible Hangovers, and Tragic Technology-Induced Body Part Loss Are All Absolutely Hysterical. That Tongue Thing, by makesmewannadie. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and there's sex in here, but I refuse to tell you the names of the party or parties involved. The veil of secrecy must be preserved, and if anyone actually got that reference, know that I love you beyond my ability to describe it. So. Is it bad form to rec a story I beta-read? Because I'm doing that here and now, so you are formally invited to send me a sternly-worded note. (I'm sure Emily Post outlines the appropriate form for properly ticking off a fan fiction recommender via email; check her index.) But note, please, that I was by no means the only beta for this, which might be an exculpating factor. And whether it is or it isn't, I'm damn well going ahead with the rec, because this story is exactly as funny as you'd expect (HGttG: the fandom that's located several thousand light-years from angst!). Plus, you know, there's explicit sex and so on, which is a bonus. Also, this story will teach you about weapons of musical destruction, which I bet you didn't even know existed, and if you think I'm finishing this summary with a reference to current events, you are clinically insane. Instead, I offer an injunction: Go. Read. Laugh. You'll thank me later.

* Thanks, liviapenn!

Comments

[liviapenn.livejournal.com]

Smitty on LJ = smittywing. :)

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Many thanks! I have modified the entry accordingly, and now will procede to explore the actual LJ of the Smitty. Yay!

[commodorified.livejournal.com]

Actually, I think I shall thank you now.

And while I'm here, if you don't mind, I may give you a hug and offer you a nice cuppa.

Missed you.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

*returns hug with four weeks of interest*

*happily takes cuppa and sips, but thoughtfully, because it's probably tea, but with commodorified you never know for sure*

I missed you, too. Hell, I missed fandom. And I'd almost forgotten how much I liked doing recs sets, which I suppose explains today's bout of overposting in the wee hours.

*gets weepy with love for fandom*

*eyes cuppa suspiciously*

Just what did you put in there, anyway?

[laylee.livejournal.com]

Best Beloved went through all of it in about two days, and is now jonesing pathetically for season 4.

Oh, I know how he feels...

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Well, she, actually, but otherwise - yes. There's a lot of tragic twitching and shaking going on in these parts, and the cries of "season 4...please...4...season...oh, the pain" are just pathetic.

Curse you, due South! *shakes puny fist in the general direction of the DVDs*

[stokley02.livejournal.com]

You're right, that first rec got me at 'holy ropetricks'

These are too funny for words.

Well, you know what i mean. ^_^

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes, I completely know what you mean. I have a ton of funny FF in my db, but I don't rec it all that often, because it's hard to find something to say beyond "This made me laugh, and it might make you laugh, so you should read it. Maybe. I'm not making any promises or anything." Which does not make for much of a summary. So, yes, the phrase "too funny for words" has real meaning for me.

And "holy ropetricks" is such an excellent phrase that I suddenly need an icon of Robin 1 with that on it, ideally a tied up Robin 1. Damn, I wish I could make icons.

*mopes*

[minervacat.livejournal.com]

so while you were gone (and very much missed, by the way, and I hope you had a lovely holiday season of whatever sort you celebrate), I finished my epic Sports Night project (http://www.livejournal.com/users/minervacat/719935.html) that has that line you liked so much months ago. :D

it's good to see you back. yay!

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

OMG YAY for SN fic! I am in the middle of reading the story. (Draft Day is creeping up on me. Scared!) And I am loving it so far; this format, which would not work in most fandoms, is apparently absolutely perfect for catching the tone of the show, the little glimpses and so on. Or maybe you're just perfect. Whichever. (But it will take me a bit to finish it. Because Draft Day eeeeeeeek is coming.)

And thanks so much for telling me about the story, because I know I missed a lot of FF while I was gone. Did anything else come out in SN that you know about?

[fanofall.livejournal.com]

Iloveyouwelcomeback!!!

And, although I have not read the Smallville fic in question (koff*work*koff), the word "post-rift" does have a specific meaning in this fandom, and so I assume you're using it properly. I will correct later, if necessary. ;-)

WELCOME BACK!!!

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'm BACK! *embraces fanofall and hopes she never discovers that I called her the pimpingest wombat in another comment*

The rift is what will make them sworn enemies, right? Because this is set in the future, when Clark is Superman and Lex is an evil supervillain. Sort of. So I think it's post-rift, but after I wrote that I wasn't sure. And once doubt set in, well, I was halfway convinced that the rift referred to a geological event or something. But no one has kicked me for it yet, so it must be right. Right?

Or maybe they're just waiting for you to do it.

Hmmm.

[norah.livejournal.com]

OMFG you recced me. Woman, I SWOON.

I mean, I knew you liked it, but...*grinds tow in dust bashfully* Aw, SHUCKS!

And you now have the due South canon stash?! I am coming to visit RIGHT NOW OMG. RIGHT NOW. Except, I have to go to work. Shit.

Weapons of Musical Destruction...exactly! Some of Bill and Ted's greater adventures in feedback don't even come close to Zepularian lullabies.

[norah.livejournal.com]

TOE. I grind TOE in dust. Fuckity. Okay, work. Right.

[fanofall.livejournal.com]

*luffs you* *Also welcomes you back from honeymoon YAY*

I really loved it. I liked reading it the first time, and then reading it again after you made the little tiny changes.

It was so wonderful...

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Work? You speak to me of work when I have shiny dS DVDs with which to tempt you? Slashy DVDs, mind you, filled to the brim with RayK and Fraser's "Personal space? Not with him" lovefest.

*waves DVDs temptingly*

And of course I rec'd you. I loved your story. It made me laugh. It belonged in this set. I would have been remiss in my noble and austere duty had I not rec'd it. In short: I do love you. And I also love your writing. And the one has nothing to do with the other.

[smonsterbite.livejournal.com]

I don't usually comment, but -

The veil of secrecy must be preserved

Willam Bagthorpe, I presume?

I'm rereading that book right now, as a matter of fact. I use the phrases "selectively deaf" and "pudding-footed hound" more than one might imagine.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Oh my god you got it you got it you got it! The Bagthorpes! Yes! I was beginning to think that Best Beloved and I were the only people on the planet who had read these books. (We may still be the only adults who frequently reread the books, but, well, they're great books.)

Warning: if you haven't read the books past book four, don't bother. Five and six are just kind of weak, but the ones after that are absolute horrors. Total betrayals of the perfection of the first four.

(And I also use "selectively deaf"; it's so much a part of our household lexicon, in fact, that it took me several minutes to realize that, yes, it comes from the Bagthorpe books. "Mutton-headed, pudding-footed hound" doesn't get extensive play around here, but only because the mutton-headed hound in this house is not pudding-footed, and vice versa. And I use "Reconciling the Seemingly Disparate" constantly, and "all the bees are dead," and, well, I could go on, but just writing this comment has made me need to go reread the books right now.)

[smittywing.livejournal.com]

Wow, thanks for reccing me. :) kerithwyn sent me over here and I am much in awe. That story is so old but it all came out of my roommate going, "Don't the people in Gotham talk?" Out of the mouths of people you get thrown in a room with at college... ;)

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

The story may be old - well, in FF terms, anyway - but it is a classic. I've read it dozens of times, and was totally panicked when your website disappeared; I feared it had gone from my life forever.

See, I love the dialog, which is so characteristically Batman and Robin, but even more, I just love the story. Because for years before I read it I'd been saying pretty much what your roommate did. Your story satisfied deep need.

(Side query: is your website up somewhere else? Or is there another place I can find all of your FF? Ff.net doesn't seem to have the complete catalog.)

[thepouncer.livejournal.com]

I have the fourth season of dS on tape. I'd be willing to loan it to you, if you like. Email me (pouncer77 at hotmail) and we can talk.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Oh, cool. I have emailed you. It's from deepbluesea at postmark dot net; please let me know if you don't get it.

[nigeltde]

Oh, I'm so glad you got and enjoyed them! I was having visions of postal workers clandestinely viewing stolen DS :-D

Good to see you back; that bats fic is brilliant!

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

I got them, and I owe you both thanks and apologies for not getting the thanks to you sooner. But rest assured they have been watched and enjoyed and cuddled. And late at night they've had haiku composed to them. (This DVD is/a perfect shiny circle/of slashy goodness.)

And it's probably a good thing I got them, because one thing this fandom doesn't need is the induction of kleptomaniac postal workers with a taste for gay porn.

(Although, god, that sounds like just the sort of case Ray and Fraser would get stuck with, now that I think about it:

"So they steal...stuff."
"Yes, Ray. To be precise, they steal homosexual erotica."
"For religious reasons."
"Well, so they claim. And I suppose we should extend them the benefit of the doubt; we have never heard of the First Church of the Platonic Pleasure Principle, but it could in fact exist."
"Trust me, Fraser, it's a total crock. Religion isn't allowed to be that fun."
[pause]
"I mean, you know, that kind of thing would be fun for, uh, people who were bent that way, which is fine for them, but you're not bent, we're not, and watching all that stuff that we got, that's going to totally suck. Blow. Uh...not be fun."
"Indubitably, Ray. But we must carefully evaluate each DVD for potential clues to the nature of the Church's beliefs, which will perhaps allow us to track then down before we receive another anonymous, ah, donation from them."
"Right. Which we gotta do, 'cause getting 30 hours of gay porn in the mail at work is seriously hurting my rep here."
"Indeed. We should begin immediately. Would you prefer we begin with, er, 'Tales of the City of Ass Whores,' 'Suck Me, Fuck Me, Fill Me, Thrill Me'? I'm afraid none of them appears to have plot summary information attached."
[thoughtful pause]
"Uh, how 'bout 'I Love a Man in a Uniform'? Just, you know, because -"
"An ideal choice, Ray. I heartily approve.")

Um. Sort of got off track there. Anyway - you have my sincere thanks, and Best Beloved's hapless, twitching, jonesing gratitude.

[elishavah.livejournal.com]

Wow, thanks for the rec on what was very much a 15-minute revenge story. Because if I had to have that thought stuck in my head, others damn well were gonna have it, too. *g*

Also, oh my yes. I'm also just discovering the due South love right now, and totally jonesing for S4. dS is the gooood crack.

[out-there.livejournal.com]

I can only write, or indeed think, in dialog. No, really. Other people get visions of scenes that inspire them to write; I hear voices, which is probably why my characters always argue more than they fuck.

*hearts you* Me too, actually. I've met a lot of authors who seem to seriously start with a mental image of the character, who *see* the scene. Me? I hear the voices. If it's a non-verbal piece, you can bet your bottom dollar I heard the narrating character bitching at me before I pictured what was happening. The visuals, the physical descriptions are always secondary (and are generally a way to avoid constantly repeating "X said/Y said/X said").