Slashy Nominations 26: Animalia

[thefourthvine]

I love animals. In fact, I have a dog staring at me, trying to persuade me to give her peanut butter, as I write this. But animals in fan fiction are risky business. I can handle character death (see previous entry), but I can't handle animals in trouble at all. So you won't be seeing death, sadness, abandonment, or irresponsible ownership (with the exception of some seriously inappropriate feeding patterns, and I can understand that - see also peanut butter, dog and) in these stories. I can't make any promises about glurge, though; my sugar-sensor array goes on the blink when animals are in close proximity to sweetness.

Best FF That Asks You to Believe Seven Impossible Things Before Breakfast, and You'll Want to, Too: About a Dog, by Speranza. Due South, Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski. I realize that it looks like I'm breaking my "no animals were harmed in the making of this story" promise with the very first nominee, but Diefenbaker isn't dead. Keep that firmly in mind as you read this. And it's worth reading, too, because it's funny and touching and Speranza just really gets Dief. And, well, this is one of those that I'll spoil if I give too much plot summary, but let's just say that it's nice to see how Fraser copes with suddenly having a six-foot-two Canadian with no concept of personal space sleeping in his bed.

Best FF That Puts an Entirely Different Spin on the Whole Frog Prince Thing: The Familiar, by Resonant. Harry Potter, Harry/Snape. If you're not a Harry/Snape fan, please read this anyway; I'm totally not into that pairing, and I adored this one, even if the beginning is fairly rocky. Resonant does a kick-ass job of getting these two together. For one thing, she actually remembered that they hate each other. This story just shouldn't work, but oh how it does. I even love what Resonant did with Sirius in his cameo here; he's not Sirius-as-I-see-him, but he makes good sense. Resonant isn't afraid of the implications of this pairing.

Best FF Using the Familiar Formula Babbling + Sleep-Deprivation + Wistful Melancholy + Sandwiches = True Love Forever: What We Talk About When We Talk About Wolves, by Penelope Whistle. (Sorry, no link for her.) Due South, Kowalski/Fraser. I refuse to apologize for nominating two DS stories in the same set, because Diefenbaker's a major canon character, after all. Plus, he's a half-wolf, and I like him*, and I like stories about him, and there are some truly excellent stories about him out there, and - right, sorry, I'm babbling. Starting over. This is just a really wonderful story, folks, involving wolves in fact, wolves in cars, and wolves in metaphors. Read it. And then read it again, and think about the various ways you can use "the evidence being that I haven't eaten you yet" in your daily conversation. Your life will be the richer for it, I promise you.

Best FF That Has - Yes! - Magneto Being, Well, Rather Sweet, Yet Still in Character: Foundlings, by the ubiquitous (at least in this blog) C. Elisa. X-Men movies, and this is either gen or Magneto/Xavier. This is another story that so totally should not work, yet it does. Plus it's short and sweet and has an excellent moral at the end; consider it a modern-day fable that just happens to involve mutants and cats. (Actually, now that I think about it, traditional fables also seem to have far more than their share of mutants and cats.) And, hey, you can't convince me you don't want to see Magneto with kittens.

* Although I do wish I knew how to pronounce his name. Dee-fen-bock-er? Dee-fen-bake-er? Die-fen-whatever? True-dough? It's beyond me. As an American, I'm doing exceptionally well to recognize the name of a Canadian Prime Minister; they'd probably take my passport away if I knew how to say it, too.

Comments

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

Though I suppose I'll have to surrender my US passport now. But it will be worth it, because I will know about both Australian and Canadian prime ministers. And probably the Canadians will still let me cross their border. They're a remarkably forgiving bunch, really.

[cyanei.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes we are. Pathetically so, I should think.

Although we do have shows like 'Talking to Americans', so perhaps we're only forgiving so as to have grounds on which to mock you people. (;

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

"Talking to Americans?" Please tell me more. It sounds like a continuing series on explaining difficult issues to people south of the border. You know: "Talking to Americans About Drugs," "Talking to Americans About Sharing," "Talking to Americans About Bullying," "Talking to Americans About This Very Show Right Here (We Suggest You Lie)."

And, yes, pathetically forgiving does about cover it. The first time I crossed into Canada I threw up on a Canadian border guard. (Car sickness was ever my bane, and as a result I threw up in a lot of interesting places.) He apologized to me. Even at six I knew that was weird.

[cyanei.livejournal.com]

"Talking to Americans" is a comedy show involving Rick Mercer going all over America, asking the American elite to do silly things like signing petitions for the legalisation of staplers in Canada, etc, as proof of how ignorant you people are of us. (; Very funny.

So I suppose we only seem nice, and we're really giggling about how silly you all are behind your backs. (:

*offers chocolate*

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid you've only offered further support of the "Canadians are nice" theory. Only a Canadian would apologize for making fun of the stupidity of Americans and then offer chocolate as a sorry-present; hell, we make fun of our own stupidity all the time and we never say we're sorry. And - well, I hate to say this, but, um, Americans really are ignorant about Canada, and, um...hard truth coming up here...most of us aren't all that, um, embarrassed about it.

I'm sorry. But someone had to tell you, and it's better coming from a friend, right? And, really, deep down we love you guys. It's just the kind of love that, um, no, that sentence isn't going to end well. Let's just leave it with "really, deep down we love you guys."

But, hey, I had fantastic chocolate the last time I was in Montreal. So I will gladly accept your offer; pass that stuff on down.

[cyanei.livejournal.com]

You know, it's hard to think that that might've actually come as a shock to me. But it did! Wow. You mean us making fun of you really isn't insulting? The fact that our Social Studies classes about the USA all end up being about silly Americans who wanted to know "Why do you guys eat whales, anyway?" doesn't sting? Even a little bit?

*binges on chocolate*

My life has no meaning.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Well, no, it doesn't sting. I actually think it's sort of...sweet. I'm so sorry. Let me see if I can explain a bit.

See, first, I think I probably would've enjoyed the stories about silly Americans; Americans bring the humor like nobody's business, as anyone who has ever traveled overseas can tell you. And, hey, there's a lot of us, so it's good to know we're useful for something.

And, second, I'm actually sort of honored that you talk about us in Social Studies classes at all, no matter what you say. Because, well, I don't remember Canada ever coming up in any class. Not that it wouldn't have been an interesting topic, I hasten to say. Gripping! Compelling! Far better than trigonometry! Just, um, you know - there were, well, ancient Romans and the quadratic equation and the Volstead Act and the Civil War and binomial nomenclature and so forth to talk about, and, well, I don't know. We never got around to it. Maybe Canada comes up more for people who live near the northern border; I was closer to Mexico and we spent a lot of time talking about that.

But this does not mean your life has no meaning! Make fun of us! I encourage you to, not that I can speak on behalf of all Americans, but you are invited to make fun of me, at any rate. And I'd offer you chocolate, but I'm afraid most American chocolate sucks. So I think as a token of goodwill you ought to share your chocolate with me. But know that you're welcome to make snarky remarks about, I don't know, Americans and our weight problem, Americans and our sucky chocolate, Americans and our complete lack of knowledge about whatever it is that we don't know about Canada. Make them here! Bring chocolate and mockery; if nothing else, it will totally change the way we view Canadians.

[cyanei.livejournal.com]

Hee. That post just totally validated my existance.

*gives chocolate*

*mocks American chocolate*