Poll: Consensus, Part One

[thefourthvine]

So. I miss talking to and hearing from y'all. But I'm suffering from a tiny problem, namely absence of any ability to finish anything. Someday I hope to be able to write actual useful sentences that connect to other sentences again, but today is not that day, so I'm going to do a themed poll series instead of meta or a themed recs post. (There are only three parts to this themed poll set, but I realize that, from me, three posts is totally massive spamming. My apologies in advance.)

The poll's theme is: consensus.

In part one, below, I'm going to try to establish my relative fannish sanity by consensus. To do so, I need to take you on a brief tour of my brain, focusing on two particular fannish things it does that I'm starting to suspect are - well, weird. (And keep in mine I'm judging myself compared to other fans; we'd already be considered insane by many of Them Folks Out There.)

We will now depart on our trip through TFV's brain. Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times.

Imaginary Fandoms. I have, um, imaginary fandoms. I don't mean original fiction that I tell myself - I mean original fandoms, where I come up with, for example, a long and detailed original story, and then entertain myself with considering - and sometimes, um, even writing - various types of fan fiction or kerfluffles or meta that might result from given installments of the story. Sometimes I do, like, a TV series, and cast it with imaginary actors and plan out both FPF and RPF. In my most recent imaginary fandom, I've even begun mentally vidding it.

These imaginary fandoms hit basically all my buttons, of course. I'm not actually going to describe this in any kind of detail, because, um, oh my god so embarrassing that I kind of want to die just from typing it out, but the current one involves time traveling teams (one "temporal scientist" and one assassin-ish type) from the future. The main team, at this point (in my head, we have arrived roughly at book or season three), has uncovered evidence that they are working for - and trapped by, and no, I'm not even going to elaborate on the whole legal enslavement aspect, because I do not want to die of embarrassment - an organization of extremely questionable ethics and purpose, which opposes an organization that also has extremely questionable ethics and purpose. Oh, and the timestream, which they're supposed to protect, is slowly dissolving.

I have assorted mental fan fiction for this story, all carefully tagged to various chapters or episodes. I have, as I said, mental vids. I entertained myself on one long, hideous drive to Pasadena imagining the meta resulting from the end of book or season one.

I'm pretty sure that all this is the very definition of sad and pathetic. But, hey, this is fandom - maybe we all do this. Do you?

Epics That Must Not Be Read. (Term borrowed from the only other person I know for sure has written one of these. She will not be named here - unless she just wants to be - out of mercy for her.) Another thing I do is write these long, involved pieces of FF that are only for an audience of one, and that one person is me. They're always AUs of some kind, and they always start in canon and move sharply away from it, and they always entertain the hell out of me. But only me.

I've written two. The first is a BtVS story that currently stands at 80 pages of actual story, 30 more of notes and dialog, and 5 of outline, plus 10 pages of deleted scenes. It assumes that canon remains the same up to "Once More with Feeling." (Please note that "Once More with Feeling" is the only episode of BtVS season six that I've seen - and I haven't seen any of five or four, either. No, wait - I think I've seen one episode in season four. My point is, the first clue I had to the ETMNBR status of this beast was that I was writing in canon I hadn't seen.) At that point, a single line changes, and this massively alters everything from then on. In terms of timeline, I've written up to where season nine would have been if there had been one, and I know how things will resolve in season ten.

There are only two people in the world who would be interested in this story; one is me, and the other is Best Beloved. We've both read it. I know it's an ETMNBR, so I'm not worried about finishing it. But I re-read it fairly regularly, and I still write on it from time to time, because it entertains me so damned much.

The other one is much more embarrassing because I didn't realize it was an ETMNBR until after I sent it to be beta-read. It's also rather long (and needs to be much, much longer), an AU that assumes canon up to a certain point and then sharply diverges, and entertaining only to me. (My poor, poor betas - some of them actually read the fucker, and provided really helpful, thoughtful, useful comments - in short, they helped me make a story that was interesting only to me even more interesting. To me. At the cost of a lot of their time and effort. I would send them flowers and chocolate except that I'm embarrassed to speak to them.)

Now for consensus. Feel free to judge harshly.

[Poll #851020]

Comments

[out-there.livejournal.com]

The imaginary fandoms thing I don't quite get. Like, I tune into the fun parts of fandom adn love the community feeling of squeeing with company -- and all being silly together -- but I avoid kerfluffle and meta in actual fandoms, so I wouldn't imagine it.

The closest I get is imagining fanfiction to be written about OC's (from other bits of fanfiction). It's not quite the same.

Mind you, this explains a lot about you. Like, I've always wondered how someone who doesnt' get into watching TV, into watching shows, can enjoy fandom so much (and more than that, I wondered what you did with your time. If you're sitting there imagining your own show and how a fictional fandom would react and what would be written about it? That's way cool. And also makes me wish you'd consider writing screenplays, because with that type of creativity, you could totally have a real fandom following you.)


And I don't have Epics That Must Not Be Read. I have Epics That Must Not Be Written. I get far more enjoyment from the act of *writing* stories than reading my own stories, so for me, I wouldn't see the point of putting the effort into writing them when I know that my canonical basis is unsound and the purpose is not to share a story with others but to amuse myself.

In other words, I am very, very shallow. If my writing can't be shared with others -- if I wouldn't want to hear other peoples' opinions of it -- I wouldn't bother writing it in the first place. (It's the feedback principle.)

[dzurlady.livejournal.com]

Mind you, this explains a lot about you. Like, I've always wondered how someone who doesnt' get into watching TV, into watching shows, can enjoy fandom so much (and more than that, I wondered what you did with your time. If you're sitting there imagining your own show and how a fictional fandom would react and what would be written about it? That's way cool. And also makes me wish you'd consider writing screenplays, because with that type of creativity, you could totally have a real fandom following you.)
See, I can get being into fandom without ever seeing any source, because after I wandered into fandom with LOTR (which I had read and also saw) I spent a lot of time in many fandoms for which I had never seen canon (with brief divergences - I did manage to see POTC, go me!) and found it quite satisfying, and have only recently moving into fandoms where I see canon.

[thefourthvine.livejournal.com]

Like, I tune into the fun parts of fandom adn love the community feeling of squeeing with company -- and all being silly together -- but I avoid kerfluffle and meta in actual fandoms, so I wouldn't imagine it.

For me, the most fun parts of the fannish community are the creativity, the analysis, and the free play (squee, silliness, etc.), pretty much in that order, so those are the things I tend to imagine in my imaginary fandoms (after I've laid down the source text, of course).

Like, I've always wondered how someone who doesnt' get into watching TV, into watching shows, can enjoy fandom so much

Think of it this way: for me, fan fiction for TV shows is TV converted into my native tongue. Fan fiction is my key into a world I never understood at all; because of it, I've managed to watch TV for the first time in my life. This is basically the coolest thing ever, and that's without the discovery that there's actually a name for what I've been doing for my entire life. (Writing fan fiction! Yay!)

(and more than that, I wondered what you did with your time.

*gloom*

Having too little to do with my time has not exactly been the problem for me. To put it mildly. I'd gladly reclaim some of the time spent on my imaginary fandoms if it could be converted into actual useful activity.

The Epics That Must Never Be Read (or Written) and the imaginary fandoms - these are things I've always done, refined and influenced by my fannishness. And they aren't things I do by choice, exactly; I just - do them. I couldn't get to sleep without my Epics That Must Never Be Written, and I write the unreadable and imagine the ludicrous because it's how I function. (Apparently, my parents set the geek dial waaaaaay over to the right when they ordered me.)

If you're sitting there imagining your own show and how a fictional fandom would react and what would be written about it? That's way cool.

Wow. See, from my point of view, it's the dorkiest thing I could do that doesn't require a working knowledge of both Klingon and Elvish. I feel much better about it now.

*proud*

If my writing can't be shared with others -- if I wouldn't want to hear other peoples' opinions of it -- I wouldn't bother writing it in the first place.

*head tilt*

Hmmm. I write a lot of stuff not for sharing, so we're different there. But in the cases of both my ETMNBR, I truly thought I was writing something that could eventually be shared. And then I had this moment of sitting back and going, "Wow, this is total and complete masturbation in fictional form. This is of interest only to me and could only ever be of interest to me. Um. Ooops?" This does not sound like a problem you have, though.

*envies*

[out-there.livejournal.com]

Think of it this way: for me, fan fiction for TV shows is TV converted into my native tongue. Fan fiction is my key into a world I never understood at all; because of it, I've managed to watch TV for the first time in my life. This is basically the coolest thing ever, and that's without the discovery that there's actually a name for what I've been doing for my entire life.

Actually, that is way cool. For me, I've always loved TV. I love books, but TV gives me a kick that's quicker, more visceral and can generally be fantastic. (Some books can do that, but not many, or all, of them can hit my memory in the same way. TV and movies can leave me wth a perfect crystalised memory of a shot, of a scene, of an emotional impact. Some books do, but most give me a moment as I'm reading and afterwards, I can't remember precise parts, only an overall enjoyment.

Plus, reading books requires actual effort, at times, that most of TV doesn't.)

Having too little to do with my time has not exactly been the problem for me. To put it mildly. I'd gladly reclaim some of the time spent on my imaginary fandoms if it could be converted into actual useful activity.

I didn't mean to imply that you were lacking for activities. Simply that... I spend a great deal of *my* time watching TV, so I wonder where those hours are used for other people.

...it's a weird curiousity, I know.

I just - do them. I couldn't get to sleep without my Epics That Must Never Be Written, and I write the unreadable and imagine the ludicrous because it's how I function.

Hmmm. I think that might be very true of a lot of fans. I mean, I tend to think that my first exposure to fandom was through anime when I was 16 or so. But I have memories of being 12/13, being utterly addicted to the X-Men cartoons, and making up stories for myself as I lay in bed at night. (Generally, they were the type of amazingly AU stories where a polygamous Gambit/Rogue/Jubilee relationship makes complete sense. And considering I think of myself as such a nice, well-behaved child, thinking about me lying in bed as a tween and imagining threesomes *should* make me re-evaluate that notion. *laughs*)

Hmmm. I write a lot of stuff not for sharing, so we're different there. But in the cases of both my ETMNBR, I truly thought I was writing something that could eventually be shared. And then I had this moment of sitting back and going, "Wow, this is total and complete masturbation in fictional form. This is of interest only to me and could only ever be of interest to me. Um. Ooops?" This does not sound like a problem you have, though.

I have a feeling some of my earlier stuff... would be that. Exactly. (Especially if you look at the anime stuff written when I was 16-18. Oh, man. So self-serving.)

But the more I wrote, the more I go hooked on reactions. I remember thete1 mentioning that years ago, that she mainly wrote in chat, and at the time, I thought that was such a brave/scary thing to consider. Now, years later? At least 80% of my output occurs when there's someone on the other end of an AIM screen, who can laugh at the funny lines and gasp and groan in the appropriate places.

I don't know if it's feedback ego, or what, but it's a main motivation.

Of course, this leads me to be tempted to write stuff I'm not really good at (for whatever reason) just for a reaction, which is it's own flaw.

[delurker.livejournal.com]

I spend a great deal of *my* time watching TV, so I wonder where those hours are used for other people.
Personally? Reading. I read a *lot*.

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

I spend a great deal of *my* time watching TV, so I wonder where those hours are used for other people.

Heh, I wonder the opposite. I can't imagine having time to watch TV even if I wanted to, yet there are people on my flist who watch several hours-worth a day. I always wonder where on earth the time comes from.

My time is filled with work and writing, mainly. I haven't watched TV regularly in nearly a decade, and not at all for three or four years.

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

In other words, I am very, very shallow. If my writing can't be shared with others -- if I wouldn't want to hear other peoples' opinions of it -- I wouldn't bother writing it in the first place.

That's exactly me, too. I can't imagine writing and not sharing it. The whole point of writing for me is to tell a story to someone.