thefourthvine | Slashy Nominations 104: First Things First

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Slashy Nominations 104: First Things First

Well. It's raining. And I know that now is when all of you who live in parts of the world where they have actual climactic variation fall over laughing, but the thing is, we here in Los Angeles are not accustomed to precipitation, or indeed weather of any kind. Our freeways aren't accustomed to it, and end up covered in mud and (this is true) squid. Our dogs aren't accustomed to it, and refuse to go out. Our ants aren't accustomed to it, and try to come in.

I'm kind of liking it, but only because a) I have some kind of disease that causes me to sleep fifteen hours a day and blink slowly most of the rest of the time, so the rain counts as high entertainment and b) I don't have to go out in it today. Tomorrow, I'll be on the freeway with the mud and the squid and the ants, and it won't be fun.

So. It's raining. I may or not have a fever, but I definitely don't have the energy to get the thermometer and find out. My dogs are staring miserably at the rain and then at me, wondering why I don't do something about all that water falling from the sky. Clearly the time has come for comfort fic, and what is more comfortable and familiar and sweet than a good first time story? Nothing, that's what.

Best FF That Introduces the Most Boring People in the Universe. Yes, More Boring Than Congresspeople, Economics Professors, and Golf Commentators Combined. Buoyancy, by

keiko_kirin. Stargate SG-1, Jack O'Neill/Daniel Jackson. Keiko Kirin shows us the dullest civilization ever created by human beings here; they make an effective, if beige-colored, backdrop for Jack and Daniel and their explorations of gay bars, P4R-951, and, eventually, each other. Daniel proves he speaks the language of bar pickups as well as he speaks Goa'uld. Jack proves that he's still in touch with his inner adolescent. They both prove they love each other exactly as much as we all suspected (well, those of us who have never seen the canon, anyway.) For me, the second half is what makes the story - as I've pretty much proved by summarizing mostly the second half - but the whole thing is well worth reading. Keiko really showcases her skill at pacing, here; she sets a slow and deliberate pace and keeps it compelling. What she does - moving two plots at a chosen speed and paying attention to both of them - is not easy, and it's not something you see that often in fan fiction. Seriously, almost everything she's written since 2001 is worth reading as a lesson in pacing alone, and "Buoyancy" is no exception. Of course, you shouldn't let that distract you from the first-time sex. No, the first read should be all about the sex. And the Museum of Advances in Automated Accounting, which makes the semester I spent learning electrochemistry from the most monotonic man on the planet look fun.

Best FF in Which Danny and Casey Have a Close Encounter with the Antichrist, Which, Naturally, Causes Them to Have Sex. The First Move, by Sinead, aka

smallbeer. Sports Night, Dan Rydell/OFC, Dan Rydell/Casey McCall. Anyone who is looking for instructions on how to make an original female character who is perfect in every way and yet not a Mary Sue should definitely read this. She's not only perfect; she's a deus ex machina, she's dating Danny, and her linen dresses don't wrinkle, but somehow she is not a Mary Sue. This is impressive, folks. Of course, you aren't expected to like her, either. Casey sure doesn't, although that's mostly because he's undergoing that course of unexpected discovery that ends with two previously heterosexual men having sex on the floor of their office. (Or, in other fandoms, in the supply cabinet, the Captain's quarters, the Fortress of Solitude, a prison cell, the Astronomy Tower, etc.) So fear not the OFC: she isn't as bad as you think, and she gets them together in the end. What more can we ask of our women?

Best FF That Provides a Measurable Increase in the Reader's Sense of Comfort and Peace Even Though It Refers to (Yurk) the Elder Kents Having (Yeeurgh) Intimate Relations. Cover Us With Song, by

weirdnessmagnet. D.C. Universe (Teen Titans), Kon-El (Superboy)/Tim Drake (Robin III, and, um, maybe V? I don't know. I haven't been able to face anything Robin-related since the events of a certain unnamed universe-altering crossover event). There's something so agreeably retro about this story. I can't even tell you what, exactly; I mean, I'm fairly sure the 1950s weren't full of stories about teenaged superheroes having explicit gay sex on the lawn. And yet the retroness (Retrocity? Retroism?) is definitely there. And there's something weirdly innocent about this story, even though, yeah, that's a word we don't usually see going hand-in-hand with the aforementioned explicit gay sex. But it's just - farm boys, and picnics, and studying trig. It's so sweet and retro that, reading this, I keep expecting Kon to give Tim his class ring and Tim to give Kon his letter jacket. And then go out for malts. (I'm thinking Kon would get vanilla because that's honestly his favorite flavor, and Tim would get chocolate because studies show that that is the favorite flavor of 64% of normal high school boys; his actual favorite flavor is raspberry-lime, but only as Alfred makes it.) Definitely comfort reading. Yay for fannish comfort.

Best FF That I Will Definitely Cite As a Reason Not to Have Cable (Assuming the Discovery Channel Is Cable) the Next Time They Try to Sell It to Me. No, Really, I Will. If It's a Telemarketer, I Might Even Read Him the First Part. First, by Ardent, aka

ardent_muses. Due South, Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski. What, you thought I'd do a set of comfort fics and not include a dS story? Clearly, you're thinking of some other idiosyncratic multi-fandom recommender, because when I think comfort, I think about Mounties and Chicago cops engaging in sodomy. And this story - well, it's sweet, but that's what comfort fic is all about, right? Not an angst particle in sight. There's mention of reticulated giraffes, though, and some speculation that I hope is libel about where Fraser gets his sex instruction. And there's a first line that will make my "Top Ten Reasons I Love DS" list, should I ever write it, because there just aren't many fandoms in which a story could reasonably begin after the candy cane factory explosion, and there are hardly any in which the characters could spend the first section covered in candy cane syrup without any explanation whatsoever. Only in dS do we just let that sort of thing go right on by. Because, let's face it, weirder things happen all the time in the canon - no, they do, and I'm not going to tell you to watch said canon again. Or, actually, I am, but I'm not going to go on and on about it. Instead, I will say that this story rates unusually high on the comfortmeter even in this very comforting fandom. And then I will wave cheerfully and go off to take yet another nap. G'night, all!

[Super Secret Bonus for dS Fans! Limited Time Only!]

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because when I think comfort, I think about Mounties and Chicago cops engaging in sodomy.

That is both beautiful and true.

SO true. I found myself, tired and recovering from illness on an Indian train, happily recounting to myself the plot of "Some Strange Prophecy" and thinking about their true love. Other fandoms occasionally steal my eyes, fingers, and naughty bits, but due South has my heart.

And OTP, did you get my Gift of Thing? That should be good for a day when comfort is required...

I have received Thing! I love Thing! And also the container Thing came in, and the card Thing came with (because I am twelve and thus totally entertained by Wonder Woman strapped to a gigantic missile and saying "suffering Sappho!").

There could be no more suitable gift than Thing. Especially given the, you know. Precipitation. Mud. Squid. Etc.

Remain alarmed by Vegemite, though. I spent substantial time gazing fearfully at it, and then turning it over and gazing fearfully at the other side of it. (Well, I said I was sick; for me right now, this is Major Thinking, requiring all available bodily resources.)

Will email you with further commentary on Thing (Things? Pair of Things?) and also VISIT. (YAY!)

Thank you! I rejoice in the warm snuggliness of Thing!

Yay! The card was totally unnecessary; I just included it because I wanted to use that stationery for you. :) Actually, I bought the stationery because another design in the set had WW walking down the aisle with a giant brain-headed Cyclops and was titled: "Wonder Woman IN: My God! I MARRIED a MONSTER!!!". I used those as wedding gift thank-you cards. *is geek*

I am glad Thing/s arrived in time to be a Comfort during your Trials and Woe (why do I feel like I am suddenly channeling Amy March?) and that you find them suitable. Vegemite is v. terrifying. Our packet remains taped to the refrigerator where

ineke left it. I think it is better as decor than foodstuff.

And GET WELL OMG. *pets poor sick OTP; sends virtual chickensoup* Being sick is the WORST, especially when it doesn't get you out of having to drive squid-infested freeways to take care of stuff. I know BB takes good care of you, at least.

HAHAHA and I notice you omitted to say that you loved the poetry Thing came with...

whassamattayou? SOCK HAIKU IS THE NEW BLACK.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman who needs comfort must be in want of a story about a Mountie and a cop having sex. At least, I'm beginning to think it's a universal truth that should be acknowledged.

There are some lists of yours where I can't read any of the stories because I know none of the fandoms. Sometimes it's just one. In this case, it was "Cover Us With Song." Thanks for pointing it out to me, as I'd never have found it on my own.

(Say, have you seen The Prophecy yet?)

I have indeed seen The Prophecy. I am ready for fic recs. Because I am brave.

My opinion? Well, I tell you truthfully that this is not the ideal movie to watch during the aftermath of an epinephrine shot. And I was hindered by a desire to smack the teacher. (Her oh-so-professional attire. Her apparent cheerful acceptance of sick homeless men fondling a student. Her transport of said student in her private vehicle when the child was sick, which left me wincing and waiting for the liability lawyers to show up.)

But slashy? Why, yes, when Lucifer was present; there were times when I thought he and Gabriel were going to start ripping at each other's clothes and having bitey bitey sex. I mean, OK, the man is only on screen for about ten minutes, but he manages to pack gallons of slash into every single second. (That whole "little Tommy Dagget" speech. Not to mention the fondling and full-body ass-to-crotch contact. Basically, he acted like he was trying to crawl into the clothes of every single person he shared screen time with - except, of course, the female; with her he acted like he had to maintain a statutory ten foot distance at all times.)

In short, it was entertaining. And if I ever put together a "Slashy Highlights" DVD, every second of Lucifer's appearance will be on there.

The teacher was, in my opinion, a beard for Thomas. I've never seen a fic where she even exists.

I'm glad you're brave. (http://www.livejournal.com/users/hannahrorlove/141335.html) I've got one of these guides for Sleepy Hollow if you're interested in that one as well.

I'm so happy you recced "First"--I love that story, and Ardent doesn't get mentioned nearly as often as she should.

'Tis indeed a lovely story, chock full o' comfort and joy. Also giraffes. (My one-line summary for the recs database mostly focuses on the giraffes and the candy canes, which makes me blink every time I go past it.) But, you know, you're right - Ardent is under-rec'd, especially for this fandom, because we're all insane recommenders 'round here.

Well, glad I did my part to redress the balance.

Thanks to both of you. I've been offline for a few days and this was lovely to come back to! ::::hugs:::: I am honored and flattered.

...because when I think comfort, I think about Mounties and Chicago cops engaging in sodomy.

Funny, so do I. ;D

*scampers off to read*

Apparently we all do. I think we're on to one of those subconscious archetypes Jung was always on about. Probably just as well he didn't find out about that in his lifetime, though.

because when I think comfort, I think about Mounties and Chicago cops engaging in sodomy.

I join what seems to be 80% of your readers in agreeing.

Mmm, comforting first time stories. I needed that today. Thanks, and hope you feel better tomorrow!

I don't know if she HAS readers that don't read due South (and consider it to be their woobie fandom). :-D

Well, I sort of figure that if you stick around here long enough, you'll end up reading dS and SN. At least, I hope so. They are such very lovely fandoms.

Plus, you know, I like the company.

MWAH!!!

Apparently lots of folks were in need of comfort today, and after replying to these comments I will never again be able to see the word "comfort" without getting a sudden image of Fraser, half in and half out of the red suit, and Ray on his knees in front of him.

I'm thinking this is probably not a good thing. It'll make Christmas carols challenging, for starters.

Wait. I thought you people in the South actually had humidity and so on. I thought you could cope with weather!

Dammit, my geographical stereotypes are shattered again.

I just want you to know that I'm all of a sudden reading Sports Night fic and scouring your lj for recs, even though I only sort of know what it's about, and it's ALL YOUR FAULT.

ahem.

:D

Oh, God, you should TOTALLY read SportsNight! And love it! And write fic in it! And find others to write fic in it! It's the best canon fandom ever.

YAY! This is good. Because I love Sports Night. And Sports Night is love.

For the record, though, it is not my fault. It is

fanofall's fault; she mercilessly pimped me into the fandom, and I do mean mercilessly - she was like a Pit Bull with DVDs - and forced me to convert to the religion we know as Sports Nightism. Blame her. I'm as much a victim as you are.

(But, oh, you will like it here in SN land. We are shiny happy people, and we have snark and slash and then more snark. Also, the fic is excellent.)

But... it's so not good! Because now I want to see this show and I have no idea where to obtain DVDs for the amount of money I'm willing to spend (ie. very little)! gaaaah. I blame you both!

*tears at hair*

The idea that "San Diego" and "flooding" can be combined in a sentence is still a very new thing to me.

And as others have mentioned, I am now reading Sports Night, so thank you, O Bearer of Bountiful Recs!

YAY more SportsNight!

[Sorry. It's my very favorite fandom, and so I get so excited when others start to read it.]

Well, see, the thing is that San Diego was not designed to be directly exposed to moisture. Neither was Los Angeles. The only water we ever expect to see here is the stuff that comes out of the taps after it has been piped in from some other state. (Or possibly, given the way it tastes, some other planet.) So we really cannot cope when the water starts coming from the sky. I'm sure Seattle would take this much rain in stride, but we definitely can't.

I am now reading Sports Night, so thank you, O Bearer of Bountiful Recs!

And there is MUCH rejoicing, because I am doing my part to bring others into the light and love and wonder that is Sports Night!

I feel that my good deeds have been done for the week.

Which is good, 'cause now I'm going back to bed. Assuming it hasn't, you know, floated away on rising floodwaters or something.

If there's one good thing to come from all this rain, it's that walking to the shuttle stop has become an adventure: jump over puddles! Avoid car splashs! Find out just how good the traction of your shoes is! (okay, so swimming to the shuttle stop might be a better description)

I am indeed seeing the light and love and wonder that is Sports Night, and loving it quite muchly. And now I think I shall go a-hunting for some fics myself. *dons safari hat*

I sent you e-mail. Please let me know if you didn't receive it. It is of the utmost (non-fannish) importance, which means I don't really know where that rates. ;-)

My dear idiosyncratic multi-fandom recommender, I've been remiss in telling you just how much I appreciate you and your stellar sense of humor...I see I'm going to have to tell you this a lot. I don't know what I enjoy more...the witty observations or the delicious recs. Mmmmmm. You spoil us.

All the comforts of home. We have no rain, and it's ridiculously sunny here, but this weekend promises to be cold and more normal.

Yay for the d/s snd Sportsnight fic I hadn't read.
(And so sorry you are under the weather, both literally and figuatively.)

I'm practicing avoidance so I'm grateful for the recs.

Don't know if you've gotten ahold of this yet, but it's a great, great Danny/Rusty (Ocean's Eleven) fic (http://www.livejournal.com/users/keiko_kirin/3260.html), and I know you like 'em.

Mmm, thank you for prompting me to re-read "Cover Us With Song." So much cute. And hot.

Also, to follow up on the Ocean's Eleven rec above, I'd like to rec this one: A Sno-Ball's Chance in Hell (http://www.livejournal.com/users/rageprufrock/152246.html). Absolutely hilarious.

And by the same author, a due South fic: It's Like This Old Inuvit Story I Know (http://www.livejournal.com/users/rageprufrock/150843.html). Equally as amusing.

Thank you for providing such great recs, by the way. ^^ *has been lurking for awhile*

(sorry, let me try that again.)

When, as a newbie, I posted that story to the Sports Night slash list, I did so with the note, "I SWEAR she's not a Mary Sue," so great was my fear that the OFC would be misinterpreted. I'm glad to know that remains clear. *g*

I'm never quite sure about the etiquette of this, but I'm grateful, so I wanted to say thanks for reccing my stuff. And even more thanks for all of your other recs; they entertain and beguile.

Uhm, I think the link you used for Buoyancy is broken

Here is Keiko Kirin's site:

http://www.geocities.com/keiko_kirin/

and this one seems to work:

http://www.geocities.com/keiko_kirin/sg/buoyancy.html

ndm

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Slashy Nominations 104: First Things First

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broken link - buoyancay