thefourthvine | Star Wars at the Park

I kind of gave up on Star Wars; I think it was sometime in the middle of Attack of the Clones. I could just feel all my interest drifting away. (Although I still have love for the original series, of course.) But I spend a lot of my time at the park these days, and I tell you what: small children have not given up on Star Wars. The last two times we've been there, I've overheard some truly fascinating examples of - well, in a way, it's like very early fan fiction.

And in a way, it's like stand-up comedy. (Okay, more like run-around comedy. Still.)

The Theological Convictions of Boba Fett

Kid 1: You're Boba Fett!
Boba Fett, agreeably: I'm Boba Fett.
Kid 1: You have to stay Boba Fett all day no matter what.
Boba Fett, nodding: I'm Boba Fett.
Kid 1: And I'm God!
Boba Fett: Then you're dead. God is dead.
God, sounding shocked: God isn't dead.
Boba Fett: God's in heaven, right?
God: ...Right.
Boba Fett, in the tone of one who would say QED if he knew the term: So God is dead.
God, visibly feeling like something is wrong, but unable to put his finger on what: But - but - God is magic!
Boba Fett, confidently: And dead.

Poll #2789 Park 1

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 485

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Who wins?

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Boba Fett. Hard to argue with logic.
427 (88.0%)

God. Hard to argue with magic.
58 (12.0%)

The Trouble with Yoda

Boy 1, arriving at play area with tiny girl in tow, sounding glum: My mom says we have to let her play.
Boy 2: I just give my brother a toy. [He hands her a lightsaber.] Here. You're Yoda. You have to be Yoda because he's small and you're small.
Tiny Girl, gripping lightsaber: I'm Yoda!
Boy 2: And I'm the taxi man.
Boy 1, in ominous tones: And I'm a VAMPIRE.
Yoda, standing firm with lightsaber: I'm Yoda!
Taxi Man, running at her with a stick: I'm going to hit you, Yoda!
Yoda, whamming him with the lightsaber: Can't hit me! I'm Yoda!
Vampire, from across the play area: I'm going to BITE YOU.
Yoda: Can't bite me! I'm Yoda!
Vampire, making claw hands and swooping in with his stick: ARRRRRRRR, I'm BITING YOU.
Yoda, getting him in the the knees with the lightsaber: CAN'T.
Vampire, bewilderedly: You're afraid of vampires! Why aren't you afraid?
Yoda: I'm Yoda. Yoda isn't afraid!

[The vampire and the taxi man retire, probably to discuss the Yoda problem. She watches. They, perhaps unwisely, turn their backs to whisper privately.]

Yoda: YAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[She charges and nails them both with the lightsaber from behind.]

Vampire and taxi man: OW. NOT FAIR.
Yoda, collecting the sticks they dropped during the surprise attack: Yoda wins!

Poll #2790 Park 2

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 526

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Who wins?

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Yoda. YAAAAAAAAH!
102 (19.4%)

Yoda. Now I want to see a new version of the movies, with Yoda played by a tiny girl.
127 (24.1%)

Yoda. Now I want all politicians to conduct their business with lightsabers.
39 (7.4%)

Yoda. She could probably take over the world if she didn't have to take a nap.
258 (49.0%)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

A++ would LOL again

I CAN'T CHOOSE A BUTTON BECAUSE ALL OPTIONS ARE EQUALLY AWESOME :(

ahhhhhh flkjglksjdfg cutest ever

Hilarious and lovely. :D

Boba Fett is the SMARTEST. *is awed by Boba Fett's logic*

Oh man, I really needed that post just then. Thanks!!!

These are kids that are going places, I tell you.

Awwww, YODA.

Oh God, the little girl. :D ♥

I love the fact that she's not afraid of vampires because she's Yoda. ♥

(Underestimate small people they should not. A valuable lesson this was.)

I'm tremendously happy that little girl has figured out who the MOST AWESOME character in all of Star Wars is at such a young age. It will save her time later on.

Vampire, bewilderedly: You're afraid of vampires! Why aren't you afraid?
Yoda: I'm Yoda. Yoda isn't afraid!

Bless. Now that is what I call a good role model.

Sidenote: When my brother was small, he had Yoda-print bedsheets that, for whatever reason, were always the last ones my mom cycled through the wash. Thus, though some weird kid-mental association process, in our family "Yoda" came to mean "the last remaining [x] before some action needs to be taken." So, the other day I was having a barbeque and I, looking in the fridge, took out a bottle and went, "Hey, this is our Yoda beer. Is anyone sober enough to go get more?" My friends were confused.

I love this sidenote. What a great family term!

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stewardess - 2010-04-20 19:43 (UTC) - Expand

Vampire, bewilderedly: You're afraid of vampires! Why aren't you afraid?
Yoda: I'm Yoda. Yoda isn't afraid!

that is just wonderful.

This second one proves that you NEED to show your children Star Wars! For my whole childhood I never wanted to watch because the neighbors always made me be Leia when we played, and their instructions were "Well, you just follow us, and you can scream a lot", so I thought Leia was a wimp. When I finally watched it as a teenager I was shocked to discover how grievously I had been lied to.

Exactly! She's the only one who can shoot a blaster accurately, she survives Imperial interrogation in style, and she gets some of the best lines.

Senator Princess Leia Organa - the BAMF of my generation.

Tiny Yoda who is not afraid of VAMPIRES because she is YODA is amazingly awesome and heartwarming!

Awesome this is.

YAY

my kids adore star wars and they have so taken to the Fett family. the lego nintendo games have given them a whole new take on all the characters.

i love this; thank you.

AWWWW. YES.

Yay, Yoda! And also I approve of little boy #2, for giving her an actual character to play, and a light saber.

I am so sigging both of these, so I have them FOREVER to amuse me when I am glumpy (glum+grumpy)!

AWESOME

Someone recommended your journal to me, and rightly so. Hilarious! I like your parenting entries. It's nice to know other fannish moms are out there, I don't many others! :)