Star Wars at the Park

[thefourthvine]

I kind of gave up on Star Wars; I think it was sometime in the middle of Attack of the Clones. I could just feel all my interest drifting away. (Although I still have love for the original series, of course.) But I spend a lot of my time at the park these days, and I tell you what: small children have not given up on Star Wars. The last two times we've been there, I've overheard some truly fascinating examples of - well, in a way, it's like very early fan fiction.

And in a way, it's like stand-up comedy. (Okay, more like run-around comedy. Still.)

The Theological Convictions of Boba Fett

Kid 1: You're Boba Fett!
Boba Fett, agreeably: I'm Boba Fett.
Kid 1: You have to stay Boba Fett all day no matter what.
Boba Fett, nodding: I'm Boba Fett.
Kid 1: And I'm God!
Boba Fett: Then you're dead. God is dead.
God, sounding shocked: God isn't dead.
Boba Fett: God's in heaven, right?
God: ...Right.
Boba Fett, in the tone of one who would say QED if he knew the term: So God is dead.
God, visibly feeling like something is wrong, but unable to put his finger on what: But - but - God is magic!
Boba Fett, confidently: And dead.

Poll #2789 Park 1

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 485

View Respondents

Who wins?

View Answers

Boba Fett. Hard to argue with logic.
427 (88.0%)

God. Hard to argue with magic.
58 (12.0%)

The Trouble with Yoda

Boy 1, arriving at play area with tiny girl in tow, sounding glum: My mom says we have to let her play.
Boy 2: I just give my brother a toy. [He hands her a lightsaber.] Here. You're Yoda. You have to be Yoda because he's small and you're small.
Tiny Girl, gripping lightsaber: I'm Yoda!
Boy 2: And I'm the taxi man.
Boy 1, in ominous tones: And I'm a VAMPIRE.
Yoda, standing firm with lightsaber: I'm Yoda!
Taxi Man, running at her with a stick: I'm going to hit you, Yoda!
Yoda, whamming him with the lightsaber: Can't hit me! I'm Yoda!
Vampire, from across the play area: I'm going to BITE YOU.
Yoda: Can't bite me! I'm Yoda!
Vampire, making claw hands and swooping in with his stick: ARRRRRRRR, I'm BITING YOU.
Yoda, getting him in the the knees with the lightsaber: CAN'T.
Vampire, bewilderedly: You're afraid of vampires! Why aren't you afraid?
Yoda: I'm Yoda. Yoda isn't afraid!

[The vampire and the taxi man retire, probably to discuss the Yoda problem. She watches. They, perhaps unwisely, turn their backs to whisper privately.]

Yoda: YAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[She charges and nails them both with the lightsaber from behind.]

Vampire and taxi man: OW. NOT FAIR.
Yoda, collecting the sticks they dropped during the surprise attack: Yoda wins!

Poll #2790 Park 2

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 526

View Respondents

Who wins?

View Answers

Yoda. YAAAAAAAAH!
102 (19.4%)

Yoda. Now I want to see a new version of the movies, with Yoda played by a tiny girl.
127 (24.1%)

Yoda. Now I want all politicians to conduct their business with lightsabers.
39 (7.4%)

Yoda. She could probably take over the world if she didn't have to take a nap.
258 (49.0%)

Comments

[holyschist]

Here via someone's links. These conversations are ♥. Thank you for recording and sharing!

[aome]

Here via hamsterwoman. I laughed so hard I cried, and my husband had to come over and see what was making me LOL so much. I believe in God and I still say Boba Fett won that one. As for Yoda - I see a future President in the making. :D

[springwoof]

Oh my! this was the BEST! Tiny Yoda, FTW!

[goodbyebird]

XD this is the best thing ever!

[juliekarasik]

This is made of 100% win.

[variance]

Hahaha. Kids are awesome. This is exactly what I needed today, so thanks for posting.

[psyche29]

Here via metaquotes, and I have to say this was a great Monday-morning brightener! Thanks so much for posting these, they're doing wonders for several of us, it seems. ♥

[sistabro]

HEEEE ♥

[wanted_a_pony]

Is it something in the water where you live?? I'm quite sure I & my agemates weren't remotely this wise or funny when I was small.... ?:-|

[sam_gardener]

This post is so awesome! I had to subscribe to your journal.

Tiny Yoda, FTW! I want to be her when I grow up.

[entrenous88.livejournal.com]

I did not imagine I could be a bigger fan of Yoda, but HERE WE ARE! \o/

[liddle-oldman.livejournal.com]

You judge him by his size? Yoda always wins.

[misanthrope7842.livejournal.com]

These are fantastic stories. I like young kids at parks. Especially when they're not mine.

[florahart]

Go tiny Yoda girl! (Dear boys: maybe you noticed, in III Palpatine thought he could kick Yoda's ass, AND YET)

*\o/*

[dramaturgca.livejournal.com]

Both Boba Fett and Yoda have extremely fulfilling careers ahead of them...

[jenlev.livejournal.com]

Fabulous, beyond wonderful. And heee! Yoda does indeed win.

Also...I'm with you on the three new Star Wars movies....they make me headdesk and then run away.

By the way, I once bet my cousin-in-law that I could find sites devoted to Boba Fett very quickly. He gave me three minutes. It took ten seconds. He was quite astonished by the sheer number of web sites in the search result. My cousin paid his debt.

[sequinedfairy.livejournal.com]

i just read both of these to my dad, and he agrees: yoda wins. AMAZING.

[sapote3.livejournal.com]

These are awesome. Thank you for posting them.

[sasha-davidovna.livejournal.com]

Hee! Go Yoda!

Love the Boba Fett one, too. Small child logic is awesome.

[marginaliana]

Boba Fett pleases me immensely.

[holli.livejournal.com]

Kids are so much funnier than we usually give them credit for. One of my third-graders formulated a knock-knock joke that nearly made me fall over laughing-- it went thusly:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting Julia Child.

Interrupting Julia Chi-

[in a perfect Julia Child voice] BON APPETIT!

[reginagiraffe]

*falls over laughing*


That's even better than:

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Control freak. Oksy, now you have to say "Control freak who?"

[azewewish.livejournal.com]

Yoda always wins. Because Yoda is magic. But not dead. (Unlike God.)

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

God, visibly feeling like something is wrong, but unable to put his finger on what: But - but - God is magic!

Boba Fett, confidently: And dead.

I just DIED LAUGHING.

[annakovsky.livejournal.com]

I am DYING, this is the best thing ever.

[lunabee34.livejournal.com]

You are so right. I really don't care for the newest incarnations of Star Wars, but my seven year old daughter loves the Clone Wars. She and her two little girlfriends constantly play Clone Wars. One of their favorite games is called Clone Wars Moms, where they are Clone Troopers and Anakin chases them around and tries to kill them because he thinks they're evil but they're not. And also they have babies. Oh, and a favorite by-herself game is Making Star Wars Potions. The child is uninterested in Harry Potter. The first book is on her reading level, but even though I've offered it to her she's all whatever. This game somehow manages to combine HP with Star Wars though. She takes a bowl of water and dumps all sorts of nature in it and then writes down the ingredients in a little notebook. "Water, dirt, grass, some flowers" and so forth and then makes up names for them like "Dead or Statue" which apparently either paralyzes or kills Droids. Fascinating.