Star Wars at the Park

[thefourthvine]

I kind of gave up on Star Wars; I think it was sometime in the middle of Attack of the Clones. I could just feel all my interest drifting away. (Although I still have love for the original series, of course.) But I spend a lot of my time at the park these days, and I tell you what: small children have not given up on Star Wars. The last two times we've been there, I've overheard some truly fascinating examples of - well, in a way, it's like very early fan fiction.

And in a way, it's like stand-up comedy. (Okay, more like run-around comedy. Still.)

The Theological Convictions of Boba Fett

Kid 1: You're Boba Fett!
Boba Fett, agreeably: I'm Boba Fett.
Kid 1: You have to stay Boba Fett all day no matter what.
Boba Fett, nodding: I'm Boba Fett.
Kid 1: And I'm God!
Boba Fett: Then you're dead. God is dead.
God, sounding shocked: God isn't dead.
Boba Fett: God's in heaven, right?
God: ...Right.
Boba Fett, in the tone of one who would say QED if he knew the term: So God is dead.
God, visibly feeling like something is wrong, but unable to put his finger on what: But - but - God is magic!
Boba Fett, confidently: And dead.

Poll #2789 Park 1

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 485

View Respondents

Who wins?

View Answers

Boba Fett. Hard to argue with logic.
427 (88.0%)

God. Hard to argue with magic.
58 (12.0%)

The Trouble with Yoda

Boy 1, arriving at play area with tiny girl in tow, sounding glum: My mom says we have to let her play.
Boy 2: I just give my brother a toy. [He hands her a lightsaber.] Here. You're Yoda. You have to be Yoda because he's small and you're small.
Tiny Girl, gripping lightsaber: I'm Yoda!
Boy 2: And I'm the taxi man.
Boy 1, in ominous tones: And I'm a VAMPIRE.
Yoda, standing firm with lightsaber: I'm Yoda!
Taxi Man, running at her with a stick: I'm going to hit you, Yoda!
Yoda, whamming him with the lightsaber: Can't hit me! I'm Yoda!
Vampire, from across the play area: I'm going to BITE YOU.
Yoda: Can't bite me! I'm Yoda!
Vampire, making claw hands and swooping in with his stick: ARRRRRRRR, I'm BITING YOU.
Yoda, getting him in the the knees with the lightsaber: CAN'T.
Vampire, bewilderedly: You're afraid of vampires! Why aren't you afraid?
Yoda: I'm Yoda. Yoda isn't afraid!

[The vampire and the taxi man retire, probably to discuss the Yoda problem. She watches. They, perhaps unwisely, turn their backs to whisper privately.]

Yoda: YAAAAAAAAAAAH!

[She charges and nails them both with the lightsaber from behind.]

Vampire and taxi man: OW. NOT FAIR.
Yoda, collecting the sticks they dropped during the surprise attack: Yoda wins!

Poll #2790 Park 2

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 526

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Who wins?

View Answers

Yoda. YAAAAAAAAH!
102 (19.4%)

Yoda. Now I want to see a new version of the movies, with Yoda played by a tiny girl.
127 (24.1%)

Yoda. Now I want all politicians to conduct their business with lightsabers.
39 (7.4%)

Yoda. She could probably take over the world if she didn't have to take a nap.
258 (49.0%)

Comments

[darklyndsea]

I wish poll 2 had tickys instead of radio buttons, because I wanted tio check them all.

[mara]

I second the motion! This was hysterical :)

[very_improbable]

Ahahahaha oh my god I just laughed at this for like ten minutes.

Gotta love kids playing.

[poulpette]

*cough/laugh/cough. Wipe tears off face*

I miss working with kids whenever I read stuff like that. But kudos go to Yoda, she clearly has mastered the logic of the game.

I'll add my vote to the notion that ticky boxes would have made poll 2 even more gleeful.

[juniperphoenix]

Hahahaha! Oh, I so needed this at the exact moment I read it. Thank you.

[copracat]

Never underestimate Yoda, boys.

Hee hee hee hee hee hee!

[litotease]

I'm laughing so hard, I've got tears in my eyes. Thank you for sharing. (I ♥ Yoda.)

[scrollgirl]

TINY CHILDREN.

[livrelibre]

*collapses from hilarity*

[ratcreature]

ROTFLOL

[laurashapiro]

Thank you for improving my day!

[tevere]

Nietzsche from the lips of tiny Boba Fetts: AWWWWWWW.

[eli]

And this is why I love children. :)

Also, wow, I want your park.

[such_heights]

That is AMAZING, ahahahaha! :D

[lesadoreyl]

This is the best thing I've read all day. Yoda FTW!

[samvara]

THE BEST

[beachlass]

Best. Poll. Ever.

[hellpenguin]

and this is why I am confident our future is in the right hands.

[abbylee]

I <3 kids so much. But I especially heart this Yoda.

[reginagiraffe]

CRYING with laughter.

Yoda *so* wins!

[elaran]

ahahahhaha fantastic XD

[minxy]

HAHAHAHA! I just read this aloud to my sweetie on the phone and we had rly srs discussions before voting.

("I'm YODA" is the best logic ever.)

[dragonfly]

Vampire, bewilderedly: You're afraid of vampires! Why aren't you afraid?

Yoda: I'm Yoda. Yoda isn't afraid!

What she is is a method actor. *bg*

[peoriapeoriawhereart]

Yoda clearly is grasping the wisdom of 'pick your moment' and 'secure the enemy weapons.' She'll go far.

[kouredios]

Awesome. Your playgrounds are filled with awesome.

[alias_sqbr]

That reminds me somewhat amusingly of the current plot of the webcomic Darths and Droids: it's retelling the Star Wars prequels as a roleplaying game, and one of the character's little sisters was given the role of Yoda who she then plays more effectively than they were expecting :)

[jaciem]

...

Aaaaand there goes my free time for the next little while.

I don't know whether to thank you for pointing me to this or... not.