thefourthvine | Slashy Awards 139: Woman Is the Future of Man

Okay, first, a public service advisory: I am having a blast bidding on the folks over at Sweet Charity (and this despite the fact that that site is responsible for the way "Sweet Caroline" keeps boinging through my head, killing brain cells and generally laying waste to my fragile neurochemical makeup as it goes). Mostly, I'm bidding on vidders, 'cause who hasn't wanted a personal vidder? I'd take that over a personal chef any day.

But here's the thing: you people don't want me to win a vidder. It's better for us all if I don't. Because every time I bid on one, I say to myself, "Yes...and if I win her, I will ask for SGA set to The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. That will be my first choice, I think. Yes." And it's a different idea every time I bid, and it's always a terrible idea, and frankly I think you all owe it to the world to go out there and overbid me.

If you don't, I don't want to hear any whining later on.

And now, on to the recommendations. (Yes, I know: actual recommendations. It's a stunning, stunning thing.)

I've been feeling kind of, well, bummed lately. Don't know why. Sometimes the squee just doesn't happen. So when I went to write up this set, I thought to myself: what brings the sunshine back to my fannish day? And the answer was, of course: crack. Crack makes everything better.

So I wandered over to the to-be-recommended crack stories and noticed that there was a set that was not marked rec'd that I really thought I'd already done. Genderswitch and genderfuck stories? Is this ringing anyone's bells? Because it's ringing mine, and yet I can't find the set where I recommended these. So I'm going to assume I'm having some weird posting version of deja vu (I guess that'd be deja...huh. What word do people use in French to describe the act of posting to one's journal or blog?), and just plunge ahead with the posting. Let me know if I'm wrong, though, huh?

The Story That Really Makes a Disturbing Amount of Sense, When You Think About It, and Wow. What Does That Say About SGA? Human Vacillation, by

trinityofone. Stargate: Atlantis, John Sheppard/Rodney McKay. And, okay, I don't want to spoil this one too much, so can I just kind of, I don't know, talk around this story rather than about it? (Yes, fine, go right ahead and say it. "That's what you always do anyway." Thank you very much.) What I can say is that for once we have a minor character changing sexes. (I mean, relatively minor - we're not talking about that Canadian, um, you know, console guy or anything*.) Which is interesting to me because we get the reaction not from the point of view of the character (and, damn, writing this is hard because pronouns just totally suck monkeys in English) who has been genderswapped, but from the bystanders.

This story is also very, very much worth reading from a stylegeek perspective. See, when you start it - or, okay, when I started it the first time I read it - it seems kind of slow, kind of like there are parts missing. (And not just Lorne's parts. Yes, I did have to say that. I did.) And then there's this moment of epiphany, and suddenly it becomes very, very interesting. At which point you can go back and read the beginning part and it won't be dull at all. I've read this story maybe three dozen times to track the reasons why that happens and the things that change meaning, and it's fascinating. To me, anyway.

The Story Featuring Daniel Jackson Among the Women. Going Native, As It Were. This Is the Alternative, by

scrollgirl. Stargate: SG-1, Jack O'Neill/Daniel Jackson. This is a two-for-the-price-of-one genderswitch story - Jack and Daniel both get switched (and the story doesn't really say how, but after all this time reading SGA, all I could think was, "Oh, those wacky Ancients"). Daniel, of course, views it this as the ultimate anthropological opportunity: he will live among the women and discover their arcane rituals. (And also paint his toenails.) Jack, on the other hand, pulls an Achilles and spends three days sulking in the Colorado Springs equivalent of his tent. (And, yes, then they have sex. You can trust me, people; when I rec a story that should have sex in it, by god, the sex will be there.) Classic genderswitch, my friends, classic. (And I find it interesting, too, that Jack is probably the oldest character I've seen swapped - I mean, biological age, not chronological, 'cause I've seen girl Spike and so on. Gives rise to a lot of gender and age related random geekery that I'll spare y'all.)

So I have, obviously, a whole bucket of love for this story. (I love the Daniel Goodall thing more than words can express. I once even wrote a comment on this story with extracts from his Secret Field Research Journal: "Today, the 'pod' of women has accepted me as its own. Perhaps I will at last be able to divine the mysteries behind the ritual known as the 'chick flick.'" I deleted the comment without posting it, thank god, but I will totally own my dorkishness in just writing it at all.) But I also have love for the other story I see lurking inside it. Because I totally want to see the AU version, where Sam and Teal'c got genderswapped. Because, okay - Teal'c would make a fucking fabulous woman, and Sam would get a good, solid, first-hand look at how much easier things are in her chosen fields - science, the military - when you're male. So, really, this story is not just two genderswaps but also two loves for the price of one. Economical and fun.

The Story That at Last Answers the Burning Question: What Would a Mountie Do If He Was Sent to Buy Panties for His Temporarily Girl-Parts-Enhanced Boyfriend? Girls, Girls, Girls, by

brooklinegirl. Due South, Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski. And this, right here, is why I will always love dS. Because BLG starts off this story with, "for reasons that didn't need exploring at this juncture, Ray had breasts." And every dS fan in the world nods and is just fine with that - thinks, like, "Okay. Probably some kind of Inuit story or magical realism thing in there, but no big deal, no need to explore it at this juncture. Ray has breasts. Fine and dandy." You have to love a fandom in which explanations are totally optional. (I suspect that you could start off a story with, "For reasons that didn't need exploring at this juncture, Ray was a zebra, and he just hoped like Christ he wasn't in the Chicago Zoo, because he was living outdoors now, and it was September, and if Fraser didn't get his ass to this zoo soon, well, Ray didn't want to have to live through a Chicago winter outdoors as a zebra. Far as he could tell, they weren't designed for the cold." And everyone would be like, "Okay, cool, zebra. I can go with that.")

You also have to love a fandom that can produce so much excellent genderfuck in the first place. Because when

ds_flashfiction started the genderfuck challenge, I said: "Not for me." But then people started writing it, so of course I had to read it, and it turned out that I can get down with the random assorted parts swappage. (Just another boundary forever destroyed by fan fiction!) And this, actually, is the story that made it happen. I read the Very Special Note about beta-reading and I had to read the story. And when I was finished with this, I had to go read everything else in this challenge, and then loads of genderfuck in other fandoms. Which led, absolutely and completely, to this post. (Yup, this does mean you should blame

brooklinegirl if you don't like the topic of this post. Not my fault! Hers!)

The Vid That Turns Grey Skies to Blue. Blue Skies Filled with Men in Drag Flying Via Parasol, to Be Precise. Holding out for a Hero, by

marycrawford. Hercules: the Legendary Journeys, and, um. Hercules/the Widow Twanky? Yeah, that's pretty much the pairing, I guess. So, okay. This is a vid, not fan fiction. And you need to download it right now. Don't even try to get out of it by saying you don't like Hercules, or you don't know from Hercules, or you get hives when you watch Holding out for a Hero vids, because, seriously. This vid is the best thing ever. Don't download it for the song, people, or for the characters: download it for the breakdancing demigod and the sequined matador outfit and the giant bitey snake head of doom. (Don't miss the flatly terrified expression on Hercules's face when he's being touched by girls, either.) Most of all, download it for its mood elevating effect, because, seriously, if you tried to score this on the Joy-Inducing Pharmaceuticals Scale, it would end up in the "strictly illegal but seriously fun" category. Get the vid now before the FDA takes it off the market!

Also, I want you to think about this: I'm recommending a vid in a genderfuck set. Which means that there has to be some kind of canonical genderfuckery, since we can't randomly swap parts in and out on the characters in the actual source. (Soon, my pets, soon; the technology just isn't there yet.) And I - I don't know, cannot even imagine what possible rational plotline could have produced the Widow Twanky (or most of the other shots in here), but I don't need to be able to. (There's also canonical speciesfuck, apparently, as Hercules is transformed into a pig in a clip in this vid. English has no words sufficient to express my glee at the pig's little Hercules costume.) I can just watch this and revel in the pure, pure cheesy goodness of it, and also apparently the series from whence it came. (Which - wow. It makes Wisconsin look totally cheeseless. It's like our nation's secret stockpile of truly excellent cheese, stored up for a time when the world is sad and lonely and bereft of dairy goods.) And you should, too. Go forth and download. You'll thank me later.

-Footnote-
* Although that'd be hysterical: all the minor characters on Atlantis change sexes. I can picture the senior staff meeting now:

Weir, looking tense: "Maybe a counseling program? Group therapy?"

Sheppard, looking helpless: "The Marines keep coming to me because we don't have enough regulation bras. What am I supposed to do? And one of them tried to hug me yesterday. A Marine tried to hug me."

McKay, looking like someone who has just solved a challenging crossword puzzle: "You know, I thought something was different around here!"

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

And Caldwell will be very very glad he didn't become Atlantis's military commander.)

... he already has a seat at the weekly session for Personnel Who Got Their Consciousness Taken Over. He tries to sit near Weir and as far away from Cadman and McKay as possible. He and Sheppard never say anything and never look at each other or Heightmeyer.

The first name thing, though. That bugs. I like names. They are important to me. I want a canon first name. How hard is it just to name them, SGA canon writers?

... Yes. Because writing Lorne without ever using a first name is a challenge unneeded.

he already has a seat at the weekly session for Personnel Who Got Their Consciousness Taken Over.

Oh, god. I can see it now:

Heightmeyer: Thank you, Elizabeth, those were very interesting thoughts, and I really liked your observations about what Pegasus has taken from you - your assumptions of safety, your basic beliefs. That was very moving. Does anyone else have anything to say to that?

McKay: Yes, yes, yes, it was terribly traumatic, especially what Cadman did with my lips. But the shields have needs, Dr. Heightmeyer, and this is a waste of my time, since my brain is still functioning despite the trauma.

Heightmeyer: Rodney, that's a breakthrough! Did everyone hear what he said? "Terribly traumatic." Because, yes, that's it - and these are your peers in that trauma, Rodney. They're here to support you. Thank you for making such a positive contribution to the group. Now, Laura? Do you have anything to say about that?

Cadman: I put it down to experience. Any possession you walk away from using your own legs is a good possession, you know?

Heightmeyer: Commendable attitude, Laura, but I'm concerned - as I've said - that you may be avoiding your issues, hiding behind a blase facade.

Cadman: What, he gets praise for saying it's "terribly traumatic" and using the old shield excuse, but I'm not dealing with my issues?

Heightmeyer: It's about your process, Laura, not anyone else's.

McKay, bitterly: She's always had an inability to understand the difference between hers and mine.

Heightmeyer: I think we're getting a little off-topic, and I'd like to use the last 20 minutes to hear from some of our silent stoic types. John? You've been through a lot in the last two years - death, resurrection, Iratus bug, possession. How do you feel about your body now?

Sheppard: Um. Fine?

[Long pause, in which McKay and Cadman roll their eyes with eerie similarity, and McKay mutters, "Oh come on, Colonel, even I can do better than that."]

Sheppard: Um. Pretty much...the same as before?

Heightmeyer, leaning forward and looking gripped: That's fascinating, John. So tell me, what were the origins of your body discomfort, then? Have you always felt that your body was possessed/inhabited by something alien? Have you always had this disconnect? Let's explore your childhood, John...

[Twenty minutes pass like three ice ages. Eventually, Heightmeyer lets them go. McKay grabs his radio and is talking to Zelenka before it's all the way on, then darts from the room. He's followed more slowly, though still very briskly, by everyone else, until at last only Sheppard and Caldwell are left. They refuse to meet each other's eyes.]

Sheppard, staring at his own hands and muttering: "'...gender and sexuality issues clearly indicated by reckless self-disregard and willful assumption of the mask of naivete, playing into the popular cultural myth of the virgin as the innocent'? Is she insane? What does that even mean?"

Caldwell, uncomfortably: "You know, Sheppard, it's not often that I say this to anyone, but, I, well...I have a fifth of good Kentucky bourbon in the secret compartment of my command chair."

Sheppard, looking up: "Beam me up, sir. Please."

[Caldwell contacts Hermiod; Sheppard notifies Lorne that he's taking a mental health afternoon. They beam out.]

Because writing Lorne without ever using a first name is a challenge unneeded.

YES. PRECISELY. And my problem is, I have such Name Issues that the use of a non-canonical first name throws me way, way out of the story. I'd rather have a whole OC than a non-canonical first name, actually.

*is slightly crazed, but mostly harmless*

I twitch at the various first names Lorne has gotten. They can name him Archimedes or Sheldon in canon, but until then, he should be like Morse or MacGuyver.

Heightmeyer, leaning forward and looking gripped: That's fascinating, John. So tell me, what were the origins of your body discomfort, then? Have you always felt that your body was possessed/inhabited by something alien? Have you always had this disconnect? Let's explore your childhood, John...

... and your Heightmeyer had me spitting tea. If anyone can make Caldwell and Sheppard bond over bourbon. Wow. Fabulous.

*laugh*

I googled "minor character" and "names" and "SGA canon" and ended up here. Auburn & I have to keep inventing them -- or at least attributing names to folks we've seen on-screen once or more -- because seriously, SGA is horrible about minor character continuity, even just the appearances. It makes slightly more sense now, with the Daedalus ferrying folks back and forth, but I simply long for seeing a familiar face NOT belonging to already named characters and Chuck the gate tech (not that I don't love Chuck. How can you not love Chuck?)

Because writing Lorne without ever using a first name is a challenge unneeded.

You do know that the ever-fabulous

jssangel answered this one, right?

Here:

http://jssangel.livejournal.com/10231.html#cutid1

Slashy Awards 139: Woman Is the Future of Man

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