211: I Like to Watch

The One That, Because of Song Choice, Makes Me Yearn for a Sherlock and Watson Versus the Vampires Story. I Know This Is Very Wrong, and I'm Sorry. Anomie, by charmax. Sherlock.

First, the caveat: this is the rare vid that I got more out of than Best Beloved. We finished it and had this conversation:

BB: Huh. I don't quite know -
Me, talking much more loudly than strictly necessary: OH MY GOD THAT WAS INCREDIBLE.
BB: *blinks*

Generally, this kind of conversation means one of two things: I am so far out into left field that I am playing in another game entirely (a game with rules I don't know, and a missing ball, and players who are wondering what I'm doing there), or I have found a hobbyhorse and am about to ride it allllll through the town. I don't know which of these is true in this case, but I tell you what: OH MY GOD THIS VID IS INCREDIBLE.

I just - I just - look. Go watch it, okay? And then we will talk. I don't want my blather to spoil anything for you or keep you from this vid, but blather I must, so go watch. This can wait.

I cannot remember the last time I watched a vid and felt this way. If you're curious about my specific thoughts, in order of appearance:

1. Huh. I wonder if she's - but she can't be.
   
2. But god this would be the perfect opening if she were.
   
3. Wow. That's - that's really just perfect.
   
4. AND THAT.
   
5. AND THAT OH GOD.
   
6. I can't even believe she's DOING this. This must be my imagination!
   
7. It's like she woke up one morning and said, "I want to make a vid that will cause TFV to collapse from joy, aware that she will never again see anything quite so perfect."
   
8. OH GOD THAT ENDING THAT ENDING THAT ENDING THAT ENDING.

And now you all know why I will never liveblog anything: it takes quite a lot of time for me to process my thoughts into actual coherence, with nouns and verbs and everything. My brain is all adjectives and exclamation points a lot of the time.

( But I swear to you I can be more coherent than that. I'm not saying I will be, but I definitely can be.) )

This is that rare vid that leaves me wanting to see the canon, even as I am aware that the vid must be manipulation rather than reflection, because surely someone would have told me if the canon was like that, right? Right? You'd tell me? NOW WOULD BE A GOOD TIME TO SAY YES, PEOPLE.

The One in Which the Armor Is a Metaphor for Arthur's Isolation and Angst. Or Maybe the Unicorn Is the Metaphor. Or the Windows. This Thing Has a Lot of Damn Metaphors, Basically. Alone, by sisabet. Merlin.

This is the only vid I've ever seen that I truly believe should have a warning for song choice. And the warning would go like this:

WARNING: The first time you watch this vid, your reaction to the song will be, "Hmmm. Don't know this one - oh, wait, I've heard this in the supermarket!" But, inevitably, you will decide to rewatch the vid (about ten minutes later, because it is just that funny, and also you want to see the dragon sing again), and then the song will be stuck in your head forever aieeee. Days later, you will find yourself still awake at 3:30 a.m., with your brain repeating "How can I get you alone? How can I get you alone?" over and over and over until you haul yourself out of bed and go write a semi-hysterical email to the vidder featuring phrases like "so amazingly wonderful!" and "Arthur's EPIC MANPAIN - so real! So epic! So TAKE THAT, VAMPIRES EVERYWHERE, ARTHUR KNOWS WHAT REAL ANGST IS!" and "that drop of water from the leaf represents Arthur's unshed tears, right?" and "I hate you hate you hate you oh god that song my brain my poor brain whyyyyyyyyy." (If you're lucky, you will delete this before sending it.)

Seriously, people. It has been a week since my first viewing of this vid, and this song has lodged in my head like it's set in concrete, filling my days with a) "how can I get you alone?" and b) Arthur's sincere and true emo pain of painingness and emosity. One of these things is wonderful. The other becomes intolerable at around the thirtieth hour. That is the conundrum of this vid: it will make your life better and happier and bring you joy right up until it makes you insane. Word is still out on whether it's the kind of insanity you recover from, like that time I had the Pina Colada Song stuck in my head for several weeks and I ended up breaking my glasses and BB had to talk me down in a parking lot, or the kind where eventually people have to take your internet away for good. What I'm saying is: if I disappear, blame sisabet. (Also Heart. I'm not entirely sure those people should ever have been allowed to record anything if this is what happens when you hear their music.)

But you know what? This vid is worth it. It makes the whole '80s worth it, too. Watch it! For the dragon singing! And Arthur's manpain set to guitars! And his single perfect tear by proxy.

The One That Has Forever Redefined the "Thing" That Gets in Action in This Song. Carol S. Is a Corrupter of Innocent Music! Verb: That's What's Happening, by Carol S., aka lapillus. Star Trek reboot.

I have been a fan of Carol S.'s Schoolhouse Rock vid series since I began watching vids, basically. (I am still waiting patiently for her to do Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, Get Your Adverbs Here. And, okay, I am secretly hoping she will do John Sheppard to Victim of Gravity, but I get the feeling that's one of those things where I would have to learn to vid to get it. But, just - no matter where he goes, he's always going down! From the sky! On his knees! And so on! Think about it! You can't tell me that's not perfect.) And this one - this is the best one, because it makes the entire Kirk/Spock relationship clear. No, really. Just go with me here. In a couple of seconds, you'll be amazed.

So I watched this vid and at first I was just, you know, marveling at the perfection of it. It's like the song was written about reboot James Tiberius Kirk, or, given the timing, more like J. J. Abrams wrote the movie while listening to this song on repeat. And then I got to the part with Spock and I realized what Carol S. was really teaching us with this vid:

Jim's the verb. Spock's the noun.

And I just kind of marveled, because that explains everything. It does! Think about it! I am at least 35% sure this makes sense outside my own head. (Although if you think I did not immediately begin assigning the other crewmembers to parts of speech, you just do not understand me at all. There is no sadness like sitting waiting to pick up your kid at preschool and talking with the other parents about sleep patterns when really you want to ask everyone if they think Uhura is the adjective or the adverb. Because really I think she's the adjective, but I could see how you could argue it another way. Bones is, of course, the interjection. Cupcake is the dangling participle. And so on.)

Naturally, this vid has also awakened in me a burning desire for parts of speech or parts of the sentence slash, and yet I have already submitted my Yuletide nominations. Oh, October, sometimes you are the cruelest month. So I can't promise this vid won't bring you some pain, but I do think I can safely promise that it is awesome. (And, seriously: the Enterprise crew as the parts of speech! Look for it! Learn it! Love it!)

The One That Makes Me Wonder If People Include Fast Cars in Their Works Solely to Get Hot Sex Past the Censors. It Would Explain a Lot. 3, by talitha78. Fastlane.

Okay. I will admit upfront that I have no idea what Fastlane is about. However, I can tell you how I would, based on this vid, pitch it:

"See, it's the Fast and the Furious, but if the main characters were bisexual instead of gay."

Because, okay. This appears to be, at first glance, about a threesome happening around cars, racing, and law enforcement. (It's an m/f/m threesome, but the f seems to get a little girl-on-girl action just to prove her bisexual bona fides. This is, frankly, a concept I support 100%. Let's give every character on television (um, assuming Fastlane is not a movie) a few scenes to demonstrate their bisexuality. I would be willing to consider exceptions on an individual basis, but I think people should have to apply for them, and also that I should be on - maybe even the head of - the committee that gets to decide. Also, just thinking this over, it's pretty clear that Torchwood is an import from the alternate universe where this is already true.)

Best Beloved, when we first saw this vid, was in the early stages of watching White Collar, and thus had a deeply disorienting moment in which she thought this was some kind of Elizabeth Burke backstory. After she recovered, she explained to me that the actress in this vid is the same one who plays Elizabeth Burke. I realized that some casting director, when she's got to cast a hot woman who can hold her own in a threesome on TV, thinks, "Better give Tiffani Thiessen a call." Or maybe all casting directors think that. I don't know Thiessen's back catalog as well as I obviously should. But I trust it's full of series with names like Three Intolerably Hot People Stare at Each Other Longingly and Two Men, One Woman, and a Really Big Bed. I tell you what: Fastlane, based only on the evidence from this vid, would fit right into this list, and in fact its working title was probably Fastlane to Red-Hot Threesome Action. I'm assuming they had to cut out some actual sex acts to make it shown on TV, because some of these clips are clearly threesome lead-ins. There's just no other explanation.

So. Is this vid deep? I would not say so. Is it filled with meaningful allegories that are a profound commentary on transcendentalism? No. But it is filled with red-hot threesome action. I'm going to let you be the judge of whether or not that is the right watching choice for you. I myself would be happy to watch, oh, ten more vids just like this. (Probably they would all feature Tiffani Thiessen. That's not a bad thing.)