thefourthvine | Poll: When fan fiction meets real life, what happens?

(whee, poll!)

Only about four of my female friends know I'm into slash and fan fiction and really know what that means (acceptance ranges, but it's all tolerated). Strangely, nearly all my male friends know I like slash, and they're all totally cool with it! Okay, so they make fun of me sometimes, but they really have no problem with it, which I found surprising yet great.

My mum and dad have accepted I like gay films. But I don't think they'd be able to wrap their minds around me slashing, and more importantly, writing about it.

That's excellent, that your guy friends are cool with it; I would expect that (guys are much more porn-positive just in general), but I know from other people that that doesn't always happen.

My big concern with my mother and father is having to explain it to them. In detail. And having them ask their usual "we love you, and we want to share your interest, and by god we will share it, no matter how alien it is to us" questions. And then, because of my father's health issues (brain cancer), there's a 30% chance I'd have to go through the whole thing again the next day.

So I'm sure they'd be able to accept my slash habit; I even think they'd be able to cope with me writing it. But I couldn't handle them reading it, which they would definitely want to, and I sure couldn't handle explaining it to them daily.

I can think of only one awkward moment of overlap -- my boyfriend showed one of my racier stories (NC-17 snuff, as it happened) to his roommate because he knew his roommate liked some of the original work it was based on, although the roommate had never read fanfic before. He did this without telling me, and before I'd met his roommate. So, the first time I finally did meet the guy. . ."By the way, umm, interesting story." "Huh?" "The one where. . ." :ambyr turns bright red:.

His roommate was more or less ok with the story, so it wasn't too awkward, but I chewed my boyfriend out pretty heavily afterwards. I don't want people's first impression of me to be the smut, you know? Unless they're also into it, of course, and we can swap recs :-).

Total sympathy on the boyfriend's roommate thing. That would be seriously irritating, if for no other reason than that you got blindsided. I mean, come on; if you're going to share my stuff without my consent, at least warn me that you did that before I meet the person, y'know? I'm assuming you explained to the boyfriend the error of his ways.

(And, of course, you're right; it's different if it's a mutual thing. I suppose lots of people's first impression of me is this LJ, but that's OK because they share the interest; I just don't want, say, my Best Beloved's sister's best friend to meet me this way.)

I'm not sure how to answer the "does anyone in your RL know?" question, mainly because my social life is almost entirely made up of fellow slashers whom I met online! So yes, all my friends know because they do it too, but there was no disclosure to be made. *g*

And I'd *love* to tell my mum, because I think she could actually be converted, but my dad would hit the roof. So, nope. Not going there.

I made the decision recently, when I started looking for a new job, to add "fandom and fan fiction" as hobbies on my CV. Haven't been called on it yet, but I'm looking forward to when it happens.

Oooo! I definitely want to know how putting "fandom and fan fiction" on your CV works out, if employers ask you about it and so on. I'm really curious.

(And if you did convert your mum, would that make you feel weird? For me it would be strange to share porn with a family member, especially a parent.)

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veronamay.livejournal.com - 2004-10-22 15:57 (UTC) - Expand

"Geechiness". What a FANTASTIC word!

As far as "serious current relationship" and whether that person knows of my deep and abiding love for slash: No, she doesn't, because she's eight, and that's just not appropriate. :-D I know, it's cheating, what with the kid and all.

Also: Did you get my e-mail of last week? If not, nothing big; I'll try to figure out ways to work it into LJ conversations. ;-)

I hope everything's okay. MWAH!

Yeah, I love "geechiness." I actually remember where I first saw "geechy." It was in Donald Westlake's Don't Ask. (And if you haven't read it, you should, because the Dortmunder series can cure all ills. Seriously. Start with The Hot Rock. And I think you'd especially appreciate the lawyer described at the beginning of Nobody's Perfect; I read that first chapter in a bookstore and disgraced myself to the point where I had to leave and finish my bout of hysteria in the parking lot.) "Geechy" was such a perfect word that it immediately migrated to my vocabulary and has been there ever since.

And, hey; kids were supposed to be covered in the next demographics poll! But, OK, you've always been an over-achiever, so I suppose it makes sense that you had to jump the gun.

(I got your email YESTERDAY. My mail server is so, so fucked. ARG!)

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fanofall.livejournal.com - 2004-10-22 17:41 (UTC) - Expand

A "fan" of mine "outed" me to my brother; I told my not-quite-ex, and when he got mad at me, he "outed" me to my mom. Seeing as how 90% of my output is smutty slash, this has been an interesting year... Interestingly enough, the slash doesn't bother my mom--she's just anti-porn.

Grrr. I am giving electronic nasty looks to both your "fan" and your ex; telling someone else's secrets is not acceptable behavior. That sucks, and you have my sympathy. Also, I promise to kick those people on the shins if I ever meet them in real life.

I'm interested in your mother's reaction. Is she anti-porn for moral or religious reasons or is it an exploitation thing? Because if the latter, I would have thought she'd be OK with stories about fictional characters - I mean, no one's getting hurt. And if the former, I would have thought she'd have a problem with the slash aspect, too. So I find that odd, but I probably just haven't thought the whole thing through properly.

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skripka.livejournal.com - 2004-10-22 23:48 (UTC) - Expand

Polyamorous. Very married. One husband, one wife, one boyfriend, one girlfriend, two not -exactly-stepkids.

*whew*

It looks like more when I write it down.

I'm fairly open. If I keep my mouth shut it's usually to avoid making someone else uncomfortable; it doesn't worry me especially. My real name is on my lj.

See, I knew there'd be poly people on my flist, but I couldn't really figure out how to encompass that in a poll without making it so long no one would take it. Hence the "other" option. Thanks for not taking offense; I honestly did try to be inclusive.

I'm impressed that you have your real name on your LJ. And, in general, bravo to you for being so open and yet not dogmatically so (as in, everyone is by god going to hear the explicit details of my entire sex life, including the 83-year-old woman sitting next to me in the doctor's office waiting to get an x-ray, who is clearly in pain and just wants to be left alone). Really, that's about the best attitude I can imagine having - being comfortable with yourself and sensitive to other people's comfort levels.

there is no separation of anything for me. ;) But my little sister now has an LJ.

I hope she's not a much littler sister, because that could be kind of weird. (For example, if she starts writing FF and she goes through that Mary Sue phase we all went through at 13. That'd be a tough one to watch a loved one do.) But, in general, that's way cool. Welcome, ashkitty's little sister!

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ashkitty.livejournal.com - 2004-10-22 15:15 (UTC) - Expand

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thefourthvine.livejournal.com - 2004-10-22 15:23 (UTC) - Expand

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ashkitty.livejournal.com - 2004-10-22 15:29 (UTC) - Expand

First of all, I'd like to note that I clicked the "Male, or most male" dot for gender, while I am biologically female.

And secondly, no one in my life knows that I ever read fanfiction let alone smut, and certainly not slash. Homophobic family. Erg.

First of all, I'd like to note that I clicked the "Male, or most male" dot for gender, while I am biologically female.

I tried to construct the "gender" choices so that there'd be something for everyone, and I wanted respondents to pick whichever one seemed right. Did those choices work for you?

(And thanks for letting me know.)

And secondly, no one in my life knows that I ever read fanfiction let alone smut, and certainly not slash. Homophobic family. Erg.

Yeek. That's sincerely yucky for you. That must suck to have to deal with. Do you have supportive friends, I hope?

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cyanei.livejournal.com - 2004-10-22 15:16 (UTC) - Expand

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thefourthvine.livejournal.com - 2004-10-22 15:31 (UTC) - Expand

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cyanei.livejournal.com - 2004-10-22 16:36 (UTC) - Expand

You know my whole sad and sordid tale. BUT! My best friend from high school is coming to watch slashy badflicks with me and

cranberryink Saturday. I will suck her in to teh pr0n yet. Mmm. Shared pr0n is better than even just pr0n in general!

I thought of you while I was compiling this, just because - you know, generalized sympathy and hopes for improvement.

And improvement there is! Because

cranberryink will not be able to resist the joys of the fannish smutty lifestyle. We are cool! We are interesting! We have good porn! She is doomed. And then you will have another RL person with whom to share your delightfully sordid hobbies. Yay! (Perhaps you can get her into the fandoms neither of us can do, like Highlander. We'll attain Total Fandom Coverage yet.)

The only people know in real life who know about the slash thing are people I met *through* the slash thing. Other than that, I pretty much keep fandom and real life separate.

Well, and it's so much easier (for me, at any rate) to make friends via slash than in real life that eventually one's social life ends up being mostly fandom-related. But do you find it difficult to keep the two separate? I'm forever telling people about this great story I read, and then realizing that a) that was fan fiction and b) this person is not a fan fiction person.

Ooops.

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laylee.livejournal.com - 2004-10-22 16:10 (UTC) - Expand

I'm pretty honest about my fandom ties with the people I know. I think I've told a pretty even mix of guys and girls among my rl friends (but they're all roleplayers, so y'know...).

My friends have three basic types of responses. Some of them are supportive and possibly fannish themselves. Some of them will listen if I babble, but aren't interested. And some of them tease the hell out of me for it, but not in a bad way, more like a "I don't get it" way. Most of the teasing comes from guy friends who are Very Straight.

Ah, yes, roleplaying games. I started there myself. What games do you play?

All three of those responses actually sound pretty good. (And, hey, if you get teased too much by Very Straight men, you can always retaliate with lesbian porn/threesome fantasy teasing. Seems to me your average straight guy should get this better than anyone besides a fellow slasher.) I'm really encouraged, overall, by the results of this poll and by the comments people are making.

Poly, so "dating" doesn't really cover it, but the answer I gave is kinda closeish, in that I have at least one partner who qualifies as such.

I've always been really open about sexuality related stuff, and have had pictures of my genital piercings online and readily accessible for years, for example. I have been at parties where people from my work, including my then-boss, have ended up somehow at the computer looking at my piercing photos. So the slash thing's not something I bother to hide, and just about everyone knows about it. The guys at work were teasing me about it just today in fact (though it degenerated into a Trek vs Anime geekwar pretty quickly -- ah, computer nerds). My dad's read some of my PG-13ish Master and Commander stuff, too. And my LJ pre-dates my interest in slash, so many of the people who read it are RL friends and acquaintances.

(I've been meaning to tell you that I love your new themed icons. Particularly this one and the "swing every way" one.)

See, now, I could not imagine having my boss look at pictures of my genital piercings, but it sounds like it worked out pretty well for you. (And yay for geeks. Is it just me, or are geeks just in general likely to be more accepting and open - albeit likely to turn everything into a Geek Debate - than your average person?)

And I'm always fascinated that there are people who incorporated slash into their pre-fannish LJs. You folks are wonderful. (Of course, slash was the only reason I was even willing to consider getting a LJ. I was the Wariest Livejournaler there for a while; it practically took a Christmas special about the magic of livejournal to get me to start one.)

Oh, and my apologies for the paucity of poly-appropriate relationship choices. I was in a trio for quite a while myself, so I know the irritating difficulty of trying to find something suitable on a list like the one above, but I couldn't figure out how to put in every possible option yet still keep it short enough that people would take it. So thanks for picking the most suitable choice; that's pretty much what I hoped the polyfolk would do.

Condescendingly Amused.

The reaction of most people I've told.

But my cousin's on LJ and he's cool.

Grrr. Condescendingly amused is - well, I'm not entirely sure it's better than a flat-out "ew" reaction. Though I probably feel that way in large part because I used to be condescending about FF (although, thank god, never toward an actual fan) until I found my way to some and realized, my god, this stuff is good. So now the whole condescending amusement bit makes me want to bite someone. I sincerely hope you're less, um, sensitive. Or that you have very sharp teeth.

(Yay, cousin!)

anyone in my Real Life: a decent number of people, but i wouldn't say "most". i do believe in separation of life and fandom, but that's hard to maintain. :-) i think what it is, really, is that a decent number of fans have come into my Real Life, and there's a few people in Real Life who are aware as well.

how did they take it: i was going to choose "fairly well", but i don't know that there was temporary geechiness. basically i think the position of my non-fannish-but-aware friends is "sure, whatever".

(Btw, I love that icon. I have a whole bunch of "fangirl" images saved against the day that I learn to make icons, but, really, I think that picture is better than any of the ones I have. Yum.)

It really is tough to maintain separation of life and fandom. Sometimes my parents will ask me what I did with a day off, and I'll think, Jesus, did I do anything non-fannish? Um. Is "computer stuff" vague enough? But I've always been a big person for boundaries between different parts of my life, too.

And yay for your non-fannish (much better term that RL, incidentally, as so many of us have fan friends that have crossed into RL) friends, who seem pretty blase.

My husband is kind of an art snob. He knows I *read* slash, but he doesn't know I *write* it. Therefore, he doesn't know my pseud, about my LJ, etc. Frankly, I just don't want to deal with the ridicule. He knows about my thing for gay porn though, and is cool with that--hell, he'll get gay porn for me. It's the *fan* thing he has issues with.

And just in general, I've kept separation between fanlife and "RL" -- I don't think my business clients or my fairly conservative family would be cool with it. Friend-wise, I've been subtly rearranging my friendships over the past 5 years or so -- most of my "RL" friends now *are* fan-friends.

Mmm, yeah, my boyfriend knows about my predeliction for gay porn, but as for the writing of slash?

OVER MY DEAD BODY.

Most of my RL friends know that I'm into fanfic, particularly slash. Most of my RL friends are also huge SciFi geeks, roleplayers, and incredibly open-minded. A large percentage also identify as bisexual. Slash and fanfic is not a problem with them. Only a few of my RL friends are fannish, but we swap recs and watch fannish stuff together.

But for the first time in ages I'm dating a guy. I recently told him about my sexual orientation ("queer") which he handlded really well. But Lord altmighty he is not going to find out about my fannish activities. He's not going to understand the entire scene - not unless I spend a large amount of time subtly preparing him.

I'm also keeping quiet in job-related enviroments.

Would you coinsider it more or less strange if I didn't really like slash, but I find it really amusing to read someone write about writing slash, especially when that someone shares my obsessive-compulsive nature in regard to grammar, unnecessary synonyms, and mentally unstable Gotham superheroes? Because, while I've already answered the poll, there's not really an option up there that describes my only slashy experiences.

I kinda fall into this category myself *g*. The overwhelming percentage of the slash I read is reading the recs here, but I only actually click through to maybe two or three stories a month. Slash qua slash doesn't do much for me, but I dig the awesome rec writing.

I guess that makes me a Fourth Vine fangirl?

Does anyone in your real life (besides that Someone Special, if applicable) know about this fan fiction/slash/smut thing?

Almost everyone knows, but some of my friends and family just don't -get- it. How do you explain fan activities to people who don't even own a computer? How do you explain LJ?

"You see, it's just like having a real diary, except the whole world can read it."

"Can you lock it? Like that little one I gave you for your birthday?"

"Yes! Yes, you can! But most people don't. They want everyone to read their smut."

"I remember when you used to hide your diary under the mattress--"

"Mom. Focus."

"Well, you did. Then you would scream because your brothers would read it--"

"MOM! I'm trying to explain--"

"Shhh, my show is on. You know the one with the two cops. Those boys are just so cute. And they are such good friends."

Yeah, that's my life. And I won't take up any more of your LJ space.

My answer re: signifcant other was for my last one. And oddly, one I broke up with over 15 years ago who found me again via my slash fiction. Most of my real life friends are fannish and know about slash in varying degrees with some variations in comfort with it although nobody has run away screaming form me because of it, at most its just not a topic we dicuss.

My parents know, including slash, although I haven't shared anything NC-17ish with them I have shared one of my less explict stories and they have seen almost all of my vids, including all the slashy ones.

My coworkers all know or have had a chance to find out I'm fannish. Several have seen my vids, one was having fun showing the slash ones to her husband and while none of them are into the same mode of fandom as I, I have had regular discussions of fannish books and shows (including OZ and general happy squeeing over Beecher/Keller stuff). That being said I don't generally bring it up as a topic of conversation at work except to say that I'm off to another con. *g*

Hmm. Well, my husband knows about fanfic in general, because I was in a het fandom a while back. He even went to a mini-con type thing with me, and I was pretty well known as a big (het) smut writer.

So quite honestly, at this point he knows about fanfic, and knows that I write it, but I'm 99% sure he still thinks it's het. I think the slash thing would freak him out completely.

No one other than him knows *anything* about my fannish life. None of my friends, my family - no one. They think I go to writers conferences, and that my friends I see in RL from fandom are all like - budding novelists. And to be honest - I dont really try and clarify that point to them too often *g*

Wonderful poll!

Heh, my close co-workers know I have an internet journal after a watercooler discussion on blogs but not my name or even what service I use.

As far as family and friends, everyone knows I write "short stories for myself and my friends", but my in-laws would be appalled to know I write slash. My family would be perfectly happy with the slash, but would be appalled to learn that I write fanfic. Priorities, you know.

My husband finds it all very amusing and I've pulled a couple of RL friends not only into reading, but also writing. Fear my persuasion!

Does anyone in your real life know about this fan fiction/slash/smut thing?

I've told my mother and sister about the "smut" thing, but not the "fan fiction" thing. I don't see anything particularly strange about being interested in gay sex, but gay sex between TV characters? That's embarrassing. I'm working on that.

Most of my friends who know about slash are slashers themselves - that's how we met.

I wouldn't even consider going into a relationship with someone I didn't feel I could tell about slash. It's a fairly big part of my life.

I'm assuming you got my 2nd email the other day.

All my friends know, though some think it's cool and some prefer never to speak of it beyond, "so you're writing again? That's cool!" The '(sometimes underage) (sometimes gay) wizard/mutant/slayer/superhero' part is what throws them. They're okay with the porn, but the "why don't you write your own characters" thing is prevalent.

The only people I don't want to know are my employers. Which means of course that I shouldn't even be answering this now.

Oops.

Reactions of those I've "outed" myself to has varied from "Hey, that's pretty hot/cool/weird/shocking"; the dive is both becaues of the slash and because of the fannish thing. Like Rowan, I have some non-fannish friends/family who mock me for that alone.

My husband knows of (and fondly tolerates) my fannishness. He knows I meet online friends in person, and go to cons. He knows I wear slash goggles and beta fanfic occasionally (with the implication I read it, although he has no idea how graphic it can get). I don't think he quite understands why so many of my friends are gay, bi or lesbian, but there you go. He dones not know my fannish pseud and we don't speak much of livejournal, so I don't thin he knows I blog as much as I do.

You might as how it is he doesn't know these things--well, he was gone 6 mos. last year and is currently gone for a year (he's in the Guard). In the past I spent a lot of my time with him or with him and our son; family came before online play. When he gets home, he's going to think I am addicted to the Net, I just know it. *g*

Some co-workers found out about my fannish activities (because I was too open with people I considered friends,only it turns out disappointingly that they aren't really my friends, just friendly work acquaintances), and with two of them I regretted it, although nothing bad has happened from it. I just feel uneasy with exposing myself that way when it's not mutual. Not that I am that interested in their personallives, but...mutuality is a safety thing, I guess.

"the dive is both becaue " should be
"the divide is both because"

Until tonight, the only person who knew for certain was my twin sister,

dawnglider - we just kind've both noticed we were reading stories on our comps and kind've came to a tactit understanding, which bloomed into open discussion. (I think

dawnglider might have initiated this, actually.)
However, I saw a kind've friend (someone I know but don't see much of and yet we are friends when we see each other) tonight, and we were talking about writing, and she just brought up slash - she assumed I knew what she was talking about. So now I don't know - do I give off slash vibes?
As for the rest of my friend, I've kind've hinted around the edges - I make comments in my LJ periodically that if you were into slash you'd pick up on. Also, I have it listed on my user page as an interest. And I've skirted around it in conversation with some of my friends. No-one else has picked up on it, and I'm not going to sit them down and explain it to them (although I'd love to be able to talk about it with them, and rec fics, and get fic recs, and post about it in my LJ etc) because it would be weird, and could remain weird. I'm not going there, it's too risky.
My parents would think it was odd, I think - they already think fandom is a bit pathetic.

That's really funny! Me and my twin sister,

merelyn are both massively into fandom and slash. We both got into it at the same time, and have always been really open about it, teasing each other about the pairings we're into etc.

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dzurlady.livejournal.com - 2004-10-27 17:47 (UTC) - Expand

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fourthvine poll

Re: fourthvine poll

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heh

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re incomprehensible typo *sigh*

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re incomprehensible typo sigh