Slashy Nominations 57: Blurred by Slight Intoxication

Alcohol might not be much on its own, but combine it with fan fiction and we do indeed see how sweet life can be. Of course, there's not so much of the slight here; for the most part, these stories contain some serious intoxication. But don't worry about alcohol poisoning and don't bother ordering blood levels; in fan fiction, drunkenness is just a classic way of getting two people horizontal. Or, you know, into other assorted positions.

To put it another way: yay, drunkfics!

Best FF That Proves That Everything Is Better with Wombats: Vombatus poeticus, by q_skud_. Master & Commander, Stephen Maturin/Jack Aubrey (ish). I'm dedicating this rec to makesmewannadie, who understands that wombats do indeed make everything better. Wombats can even help with unrequited love, which is pretty much we've got here. This is an itty-bitty fic, and g-rated, so it's really fairly astonishing that q_skud_ managed to fit so many of my favorite things into it: wombats, Latin, good poetry (on this occasion by Catullus), Stephen Maturin. It's like I was born just to provide this story with its ideal audience. Plus, it helps fill the world's gaping need for wombatfic. Writers, what have you done for wombatfic today? Remember: fandoms need wombats.

Best FF in a Fandom I Am Absolutely Not Reading, Not Not Not: Vaguely Gay, by miriam_heddy. Sports Night, Dan/Casey McCall. Let me just repeat that: this is not one of my fandoms, people. I don't even know what the show is about (though I'm thinking sports probably come into it somewhere), and I am not getting involved in another damn TV fandom. They're too difficult. It's just - the title of this story really appealed to me, because that's what the guys we slash so often are; there's just something, you know, vaguely gay about the way they interact with their supposedly-straight, supposedly-platonic best friends. So I read the story, and it proved to be good, and so here we are. Of course I can't be sure that this is in-character or canon-appropriate or anything, as this is - did I mention this? - not my fandom. Not! My! Fandom!

Best FF That Scarred Me Forever with a Casual Mention of a Former President of the United States: Scotch Courage, by Kellie Matthews. Due South, Benton Fraser/Ray Kowalski. Come for the intoxicated Ray. Stay for the unintoxicated sex. And please, please, somebody tell me that the whole comment about our former President doesn't mean what I think it means, because if it does, the resultant mental images will torment me to the grave. In fact, they may torment me into my grave, so please, say it ain't so. (Sorry, folks. Wish I could provide a better summary. But every time I read or even think of this story, my brain fixates on that one horrible implied-but-please-god-not-true President thing, and it just locks up. Ew.)

Best FF Featuring a Sex Scene That Could Cause Impressionable Readers to Begin Singing "Giles of the Nine and a Half Fingers and the Xander of Doom," Which Is Grounds for Murder in Nine States: Four Dicks, by The Spike, aka spike21. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Xander/Giles. Can I just say right now that I hate alcoholic-Giles stories? Because I like my Giles shiny and idealistic, and I like him snarky and careworn, but I don't like him passed out. He cannot snark when he's passed out, people. But...I still like this story. It's set in a time when Giles and Xander were both disenfranchised, feeling lost and out of it and wondering what the hell came next; this is a solution way better than the one Joss thought of. And Xander is perfectly in character here, using humor as a cover and a shield. So, you know, even though I don't like stories like this, well, I like this.

Best FF That Makes You Want to Snuggle up to a Warm Fuzzy Evil Demon Monster of Your Very Own: Untitled, by wiseacress. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Spike/Xander. This is a bonus story, right here, because it's more of a scene, and anyway I try not to repeat fandoms in one set. But this is so worth reading, because it showcases something too many BtVS FF writers forget. I mean, we hear so much about the Ultimate Sexy of Spike that sometimes I wish Buffy'd staked him in season two. And there's almost as much FF talk about Spike's odd, soul-free humanity. There's just not so much focusing on Spike's evident caretaking need. But it's there, folks. He took care of Dru for a hundred years, even though she spent 99% of that time getting a direct feed from Planet Crazy. I understand he also took good care of Dawn, although I myself have not experienced what we might call the Dawn Season of Buffy (also known as the Sunset Season of Buffy, for an entirely different reason). Here, he's taking care of Xander, and he's clearly enjoying himself, and no, you perverts, it's not what you think. It's shmoop, which so clearly should not work with a BtVS-style vampire, except that it...does. And if that's not enough reason to read this, well, let me up the ante. It contains the phrase "make me your pirate bride." Thought that'd get you. Sure got me; I'll be working that phrase into nearly everything I say from now on.